But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 1 Corinthians 7:8

Single Service

Unmarried – “But what about me?”  The painful cry reached me by email.  “I’m single.  You teach about the ‘ezer. But I’m not married.  What am I supposed to do?”

A single person today stands between two worldviews.  The culture tells us that we need to be married (or in some sort of “committed” relationship).  For decades we’ve heard that fulfillment comes with coupling.  The church pretty much teaches the same thing.  So, we are swayed by the bridal advertisements, the sit-coms and the constant bantering of the twenty-nine areas of compatibility.  We think that without someone special, we are destined for a life of just a little less than real happiness.  Worry takes over.  Then we go about engineering our own partnership.  This is a Greek alternative.  The world is filled with it.  It begins with the fear that I will be alone.  It ends with making things work out for me.

There is another way.  It is the way that places my agenda for life on the altar and watches it be burned away.  God tells me that what is consumed on His altar is holy to Him.  Therefore I know that this deliberate act of self-denial is within His will.  By the way, it isn’t any different for someone who is married.  If I am married with an agenda, I too am called to self-sacrifice.  A single person can never take this step unless that person first understands why there is no reason to be afraid.  In this world, fear of the unknown is a powerful influence behind taking life in my own hands.  But it is not the biblical way.  The God of the Bible is the sovereign King of the universe.  When I commit myself to Him, I give Him the authority to decide these crucial life issues for me.  I know that His plan is a good one.  I know that He is perfectly capable of engineering my life so that I encounter (not find!) the right partner.  And I know that if I do not encounter this partner, God is still good and His plan is still perfect.

I have a choice to make here.  I can languish in disappointment because I fear the unknown and I have embraced the partnership goal of the world, or I can wait expectantly for my Master and King to provide for me according to His purposes.  I serve Him.  He will never give me less than what I need to be able to fulfill His design for me.  I can be confident in that.  But what I cannot do is focus my eyes on anything less than His character – my Father who knows exactly what I need.

In a way, those who are single are immeasurably blessed.  Yes, I know it doesn’t feel like that sometimes (after all, who am I to talk?).  But I know that God’s standards are upside-down.  I know that He never allows us to bear more than we can while we are upholding His honor.  So, that means that God knows who can be trusted to carry the extra loads and who can’t be trusted.  The disciples called it being worthy to suffer for His name, and they rejoiced over His choices.  So, here’s the backwards part.  We think that marital bliss is what makes us whole.  God knows that some of us can actually better fulfill His purposes by not being married.  And He counts our willingness to go against the grain as something special.  In fact, it is so special that few are called to such a life.  Those who are called exhibit a devotion to Him that most of us mere mortals can’t handle very well.  To be single in this world is definitely upside-down; but upside-down is a mark of spiritual strength, not weakness.

Don’t be discouraged.  The culture pushes ordinary understanding of life’s objectives.  We who are followers of the King must leave those choices to Him.  We don’t run after the same goals.  We let Him arrange life for us.  And when He engineers being alone with Him, we rejoice and relax.  Life lived for Him is the best reward.