The Angels Have Waited
Woke up midnight
Crying empty tears
No one sees
No one hears
The angels have waited
Time to go home
So far away
Can’t remember when
No empty days
Life without you
Held back too long
The floodgates are open
Water’s all gone
Woke up sorrow
The world has its way
Leaves us crying
Nothing more to say
The angels have waited
Soon to have their day
I am road worn. This is my 75th day on the road in the last 122. Tomorrow I head home from El Salvador, only to turn around the next week and travel once more to Evansville. Five more days gone in the next thirteen.
I sat on the chair by the Pacific Ocean, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughan singing “Life Without You,” and cried. I am tired, lonely and alone. I miss Rosanne more than I can say. I ache for her. Even as I write these words, there are more tears. I want to go home.
“It is not good for man to be alone.”
Salt sorrow slides down my cheeks, reminding me that there is much more to this than days away from her comfort. I miss my ‘ezer. I need her protection. Being on the road has its own special terrors. I miss her nourishment. She cooks better than any meal in a restaurant because she cooks with her love (go watch the movie Like Water For Chocolate and you will understand). She nourishes me with her soul. I miss her care. I miss holding her hand. I miss hearing her talk, seeing her face, smelling her perfume. Missing her reminds me of the deeper emptiness in my life.
I miss my father. He died some years ago. I never really got to know him. He had a hard life and did the best he could, but, like me, he was a road warrior. There is an empty place in my life that only he could fill. No more. I’ll have to wait until I arrive.
I miss my children, those that I brought into the world, and those that I share with Rosanne. I don’t know any of them deeply enough. They are becoming strangers as the road eats me up and spits out pieces of my soul, scattered across three continents. What I have left to give probably isn’t enough for them. It’s not enough for me.
I miss my Lord. I know He is with me, but I long for face-to-face conversation. ” Lord, I don’t need to see your glory. I just need to see your smile.” I want Him to hold me, just once. I want Him to take my hand and sit with me, just so I know I am not walking by myself. Now I am really crying. No one can fill this emptiness except Him. I just want to go home.
Stevie Ray is right. Life without you – fill in any of the people you love. There is more than enough reason to want to go home, isn’t there?
“The angels have waited, now they’ll have their day. Fly away home, fly away.”
Tomorrow I’ll board one more airplane and make one more trip, but I know that I am reaching the end. My Master and my friend still sends me out, but it gets harder to go. There is a special agony that comes with being sent. It is joy mixed with sorrow – the way of life in this world. Someday He will wipe away the tears, but not tonight. Tonight I just want to go home. I can imagine that He felt the same way. It’s hard to live here when we know that we really don’t belong.
Tomorrow is Passover. The angel of death will be restrained once more. God will call His children into the wilderness to worship Him. We will remember that He redeemed us when we cried out to Him. So, tonight, cry with me for all those you miss. Weep with me because there is still loneliness. Worship Him with tears. And wait – wait to get home when the tears will be gone at last.
El Salvador, 8 April 2009