YHWH is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? Psalm 27:1

Fear – The children of Israel read the 27^th Psalm in preparation for Rosh Hashanah. They do this as a matter of preparation for repentance (teshuvah from the verb shuv). Why is the 27^th Psalm so important to the beginning of the Jewish year? The answer is discovered in examining how fearful our true selves really are. An enormous pain accompanies a deep and penetrating examination of what I am really like. So often I discover within me the unrelenting power of the yetzer ha’ra. I find all kinds of dark corners where God’s light is not allowed to reveal my secrets. I discover my monstrous ego, ready and willing to defend its desires and its “honor” at anyone’s expense. No matter how carefully I have tried to uphold God’s Torah, I always uncover areas where I have failed. I assert the truth of Ecclesiastes 7:20, “There is no one on earth that does only good and never sins.” John simply reiterated this Hebrew insight when he said, “If we say we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). It’s a terrible and terrifying thing to look deep within, but it’s the only way to really prepare for fear. Rabbi Burnam taught, “Our great transgression is not that we commit sins: Temptation is strong and our strength is weak. No, our transgression is that at every instant we can turn to God — and yet we do not turn!” We must learn to fear the power of the yetzer ha’ra, a power which we cannot destroy but only domesticate, if we will. Fearing myself is the preparation to fearing the Lord, and fearing the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

Ah, but now you will say, “This makes me feel so unworthy. This makes me feel so rotten. Why should I dwell on these things when most of the time I do what’s right?” Most of the time the Herpes Simplex virus simply co-exists with the healthy body, causing no ill effects. It’s there, dormant and disguised. But sometimes things get out of balance and the virus comes raging to the front. Now I can’t ignore it. It’s all over me. Of course, if I pretend that I don’t carry the virus all the time, then I won’t take the steps to prevent its outbreak and I’ll be surprised and dismayed when my mouth is suddenly attacked by cold sores. The yetzer ha’ra is always there, providing passion and energy. Pretending it is not part of being human is a fool’s errand. Pretending it is controllable without the Spirit is a dangerous diversion. And when I really look, when I really peel away the onion of “goodness”, I discover there is a lot more for God to deal with than I thought. Adam was right to fear himself. He just didn’t realize how much.

Of course, David gives us hope. I can’t look into the dungeon of my soul too long without relief, but mood-altering aspirin won’t fix things. In the morning, the dungeon will still be there. God must open the dungeon door and shine the light of the Spirit on what I find in there. It will sear, but it will cure. My hope is in the Lord, not in me. He is able. I am not. But I have to look. So, even when it comes to the deepest of all fears, I can trust that He knows what to do. “Lord, take me. Burn me up on Your altar that I may live again by your Spirit. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I will look. Help me see and then blind me.”

Topical Index: fear, yare, Ecclesiastes 7:20, Psalm 27:1, 1 John 1:8, yetzer ha’ra