What Happened to Joy?
I’m not sure when it became clear, but suddenly I realized that joy was gone. I knew something was wrong. The spiritual destination was the same but somehow the days were taking on a sense of overwhelming burden. That verse from Hebrews haunted me. “Enter into rest”. Well, rest was about a far away as the next sunrise, somewhere on the other side of dark horizon.
I don’t think that joy went missing for lack of obedience. I wasn’t aware of rebellion or self-determination crowding out the desire to follow Him. If I had to guess, I’d say that joy got left behind in all the “trying”. Joy was there, taking up the rear, as I pushed harder along the path. But if I looked at the ground beneath my feet, I probably would have seen only my own footprints. I was doing what the world trained me to do: lead. “Come on, Jesus. This way. I see the trail. Come on.” Of course, it’s no wonder I was exhausted at the end of the day. I was out-pacing God.
The first symptoms were subtle. Actually, had I been moving at His pace, I probably would have noticed them much more quickly. They were only a blurred indication because I was in such a hurry to get on with the journey. Now I see that a leisurely stroll would have concentrated my attention on the wilting scenery. But since I traveled too fast, all the green looked the same.
The first indication was wilting prayer. I should have stopped when I realized that I was struggling with the conversation. One day I simply forgot to go through the list of people who asked me to pray for them. I misplaced the sheet of paper (the list is quite long) and I tried to wing it. The next day I forgot a few more names, substituting my requests for the needs of others. I didn’t think about the shift until later, when it dawned on me that my prayers started sounding like a litany of complaints and personal needs instead of compassion for others. In my rush, I stepped on a lot of wildflowers along the path. I needed to slow the pace and watch my feet. But the more I prayed about my needs, the more my travel sped toward some solution – usually a solution that I wanted to make happen as quickly as possible.
A week of this frustration led to changes in my dreams. Old enemies started creeping back into the dark corners. They had no where to hide when the all the windows were wide open, but when my prayers pulled down a few shades, there was just enough shadow for a few imps to settle in. I discovered that some old patterns were clawing to gain attention. Instead of immediately asking for sunlight in the corners, I thought I could just sweep them out with the rest of the trash. But you can’t sweep away a shadow. It only leaves when the light goes on.
By this time, I was moving by momentum. Like all self-propelled transports, I was subject to entropy. Friction was mounting and the wheels were burning. But I pushed on. After all, isn’t that what we’re supposed to do: persevere? In our culture, persevere means something like push forward no matter what, even if all the alarms are going off to tell you that the engine is about to burn out.
A few days later I got a blindside shot. Out of nowhere (is there really such a place in God’s geography?) I was hit with a full-frontal attack. Already off balance from the rate of my travel, I bounced like a ricocheted billiard ball, right off the table. That’s when I woke up. “What am I doing here on the floor? I’m supposed to be in the game. What happened?”
I wonder if one of the greatest spiritual battles isn’t simply the battle about the speed of living. I don’t know about you, but the pace of my life seems to be always careening toward the edge of some crash or another. I rarely have that sense of “all is at peace in the tranquil world” that Jesus seems to have had. I see Him taking His time, acting with deliberate intention, never in a hurry. Why can’t I have that kind of life? Why must I live a life of balancing the work commitments with the family obligations with the social calendar with the worship service? Why are my days sixteen hours too short?
I am beginning to think that Joy is the sister of Slower. When I look at the path behind me, I notice that she is still there, holding hands with Slower, enjoying every step of the trip. She certainly seems to see a lot more of the landscape than I do. And I’m sure that she doesn’t have that anxious, worried face that I wear. In fact, now that I really look, the two of them seem to be spending more time sitting at the feet to Jesus than trotting along the trail.
I am reminded of the lessons in the wilderness. Get up and go when the cloud moves. Sit still and wait when it doesn’t. Forty years of training. It’s worth asking why the children of Israel were able to journey forward at such a leisurely pace. The answer, of course, is that God provided their needs. In fact, the rate of travel training seems to have been directly connected to the “God as provider” lessons. Manna, for example, only became a daily delivery after they traveled three days into the wilderness on their own and exhausted all of their own provisions. Wilderness training is like that: first God lets us use up all that we think we can carry with us. He lets us get right to the end of our well-planned travels, and then, when there is nothing left, He demonstrates His mercy by providing. No possibility of credit to us. No chance of human explanation. In the wilderness, it’s God’s show.
That’s worth remembering. You see, I don’t like traveling in the wilderness. I want to get back to civilization where I have some say in things, where life is “normal”. That’s why I try to go as fast as I can. “Come on, Jesus. Let’s get out of here. This place is dangerous and scary. But I can see the city walls over there, beyond that mountain. So, let’s go as fast as we can and leave this terrible place behind. The devil might be here in the wilderness.” Oh, that’s my attitude, all right. Get me out of this desert.
God, on the other hand, isn’t in one bit of a hurry to leave the wilderness. In fact, He’s very much at home in the desolate places. He chose Mt. Sinai to visit this planet for a special time of announcements. That was about as far into the wilderness as you would ever want to go. Yet God made it a holy place (twice). There is something special about the wilderness and God. The Spirit drove Jesus into the wilderness. Hagar encountered God in the wilderness. Jesus often prayed alone in the wilderness. The wilderness is that place where we get stripped of our myths and fables of independence and control. It’s the place where life must be lived in total dependence. It’s God’s home – and our “uncomfortable” zone.
I need a wilderness change in perspective. God has slowed down my journey in order that I may get to know Him in His home, exactly that place where I am most afraid. Of course, I am most afraid there because I have so little control. But that’s the purpose of the wilderness, isn’t it? To strip me of my mythology about control. If I rush through this terrain, I will never allow myself the opportunity to know His deepest provisions. I will fail the ultimate trust test. The truth of the matter is that I need the wilderness if I am going to learn to follow rather than lead.
How about you? Are you doing all you can to escape the “uncomfortable” zone? Are you rushing over the trauma terrain in hopes of finding that “normal” life again? Or are you stepping through the wilderness, slowly, carefully, noticing the carpet of tiny flowers along the path?
The wilderness after the first rain – carpets of very tiny wildflowers. Please google Namaqualand wildflower images ( idon’t know how to copy a link on my phone!)
“Come let us return to Adonai
For He has torn, and he will heal us;
He has struck, and he will bind our wounds;
After 2 days he will revive us;
On the third day he will raise us up;
And we will live in his presence.
Let us know, let strive to know Adonai
That he will come is as certain as the morning;
He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:1-3
;
Thank You Father, for using Your servant Skip to speak Your words of truth that have for so many hit the proverbial nail smack-dab on the head, in Yeshua’s name.
“My peace (shalom) I give unto you.”
“I have told you these things so that you will be filled with My joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!”
“comfort one another with these words.”
Who (yes, who) is the Source for all of these words? He is.
Are these my words? no. These are His words from His book.
Now, let us take another approach. If these words are the words that give life… Selah. If these words (His words) are the words that brought worlds into existence, (let there be.. -or in Hebrew- “amein”) then why, please tell me why- are we not paying close attention to the words He has spoken? -Look in the Book: “it’s in there..”
What is contained within the Word of G-d? Words. His words. “The words I speak unto you- they are spirit (breath) and they are life (overflowing, abundant life.).”- Who is speaking?
Now let us consider (once again) the parable of the soil(s). A sower went forth to sow and scattered seed- everywhere, most indiscriminately.. for He scattered seed on all soils. Hard soil, soft soil, red clay, black dirt- seed went everywhere and in every direction. Folks..- the problem was not in the seed, there was an “issue” with the soil. When the seed (the word of G-d) found “good soil”-it brought forth fruit. -What kind of dirt am I? I am animated adamah. Adamah- animated clay. A living, breathing, (very fragile) clay pot. Animated by the Breath of G-d, the Ruach HaKodesh, the Holy Breath and Yes, the word of G-d is true (once again..) for He has said (we are listening to what He says,-right?)- “without me, you (Carl) can do nothing. Nothing. . Zip. Squat. Nil. Nada.
I will (gladly) share with all- where I find joy. Great joy. Abundant, exceeding, lifting joy. When YHWH “uses” me in His service, (and I recognize and realize) what just “ocured”- I am thrilled, filled with joy and propelled along the pathway of daily living. It is the pathway of the servant. We lead, (brother Skip) when we serve. This is who we are, our “identity” in Christ,- we are servants of the King. The King of the Universes who girded Himself with a towel and washed the feet of the talmudim.
I am (intentionally, willfully) looking for low places. If only I could install a “head’s up display” in front of my eyes-it would read “how may I serve you?” For you may be my neighbor- the one who is in closest proximity to me. The Son of Man (our Savior) came not to be ministered unto, but to minister (to serve) and to give His life a ransom for many..”
ADONAI, -give unto me, this very day..- the heart of a servant. I wish to be your slave- to be totally captured by You and used as a mop, a broom or a rag in Your service. Yes, inhabit Your habitation, and wear me like a suit of clothes. I present all that I am and all that I hope to be to You, the living G-d, and as humbly as I know how, asking upon the knees of my heart, – that You, my LORD and my G-d, my ABBA- would accomplish in this vessel (one of many) that which would please my holy Father- this day. This is the day- Father- which You have made..-I (too) will rejoice and be glad in it.
The pace of the race. Amen, brother Skip- slow down. “Come apart and rest awhile” were the words of our compassionate Shepherd. He knows our weakness and frailty- our humanity and He has promised, “rest”. Peace and Quiet (stillness) are two of our traveling companions. Oh how critical this rest is! Life, (physical life) is composed of three basic parts. The tri-unity of life is diet, exercise and …..- rest. I love discussing this with the physical trainers at the local gym I attend. I ask them the same question- what are the three components of life? Diet, exercise and.. ??? I am amazed at how many do not answer “rest..!” Perhaps, they do not know “the rest of the story?”
“Resting in my Savior as my all in all- standing on the promises of G-d..” What is this “rest that remains?” It’s entirely too simple.. (Sorry.) Nothing complex about it at all. It is amazingly simple and yet simply amazing..-
“Jesus paid it all- all to Him I owe-sin had left a crimson stain- He washed it white as snow.”
This “rest” is in knowing Christ. “It is the LORD.” Yes, -not “I”, -but Christ.. (what does the Bible say?) “He must increase.. BUT (big Bible but!)..- “I” must decrease..” Please.. “don’t look at me- look at Him!” There is one Perfect Man ever to have lived. – Who might that be? (helpful household hint..- it’s not me!) Or you, or you, or you.. – “It is the LORD!”
(Ever) looking unto Yeshua HaMashiach, the Author and Completer of our faith..- not a casual glance, but a continual gaze. May it be so (today) .. amen.
Beth Messiah Sarasota Florida is on day 24 of a 40 day fast of Joy. Giving up nothing but gaining much.
After years of not really knowing why God provides my salvation, I now know. Slowing down and knowing joy – He loves me! Oh how He loves ME. He loves you too, just not as much as me, Shalom.
Hi Skip,
Why in the world would you want to leave the wilderness, the midbar? If you kwow what this word means, you’d want to go back there time after time after time! That’s the place where ‘joy’ is to be found! The root of the word ‘midbar’ means ‘order’. Gods order is to be found there! The root of the word ‘city’ (ir) is: …. chaos! Just look at the ratrace there and you know it’s true!
Go to God’s wilderness and be taught by Him! That’s the reason Yeshua went up there so often! That’s the reason the Israelites had to stay there for 40 years: to learn more about the God Who would provide! That’s where I go when the ratrace becomes too heavy for me, where I find my joy back!
Where did I learn all this?
Look at this YouTube-site. It’ll take you no more than 6-7 minutes and you know why you have to be in the wilderness!
http://www.youtube.com/user/ancienthebreworg#p/c/106561FCC1F0D629/0/rfP6yNbU61A
Hi Kees,
Thanks for sharing the very interesting link.
Makes me think of the movie called The Professionals; and the question for the answer below is something like: “how can anybody survive in this Mexican Desert?”
Rico: It takes getting used to.
Hans Ehrengard: Broiling by day. Freezing by night. Alkali dust choking every hole in your body. How in the name of God does anybody live here long enough to get used to it.
Rico: Men tempered like steel. Tough breed. Men who learn how to endure.
Hans Ehrengard: Like you and Dolworth.
Rico: Oh, no. Men like (Jesus) Raza. (the Revolutionary)
Don’t get me wrong: it’s still a very hard place to live! You have to rely on Him completely!
Can’t think of a single word to add except Amen and Amen.
Thank you Skip.
Skip, thank you so much for this — seems like I needed the reminder as well. In 2007 God gave me a metaphor for a wilderness journey. Every now and again, I add to it — it is a a work in progress with no particular end goal. God actually gave me this text which describes the journey:
“The Desert is a Journey, that having been lured by God, takes us to a place of Solitude and Refuge: where, surrounded by the Desert Shadows, those characteristics of God which Refine, Refresh , and Reconcile us to Him, bring us to a place of silent prayer and acceptance of the gift of communion with Him.”
Like you, joy seems to have been behind me somewhere, but today I’ve had a glimpse of her. I will add this piece to the metaphor.
THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you for the wake-up call. I needed that!
Skip,
Amazing! Even in your struggles, God uses you to pass on valuable lessons to your readers.
By your willingness to be so vulnerable, you have modeled the biblical and Godly way to back out of the dark corners we often paint ourselves into. I hope it brings you some “JOY” to be reminded of this.
I (and I’m sure many others) will be lifting you up in prayer as God continues teaching you to reach out and grasp the hands of both Joy and her sister Slower. And may we all follow your lead.
Thank you for being you.
Wow…..maybe it’s just the place where I find myself today …amidst family upheaval, miscommunications, perceived offenses ..even real offenses … but….MY JOY is missing…and as I look around me….MOST OTHERS trying to do all THEY can to ‘do’ something for Yah are also lacking JOY… oh yeah, they can put on a cute smile, give a nervous laugh…but if you LOOK INTO THEIR EYES (mine included) the light is flickering dangerously low.
Thank you for reminding me that the wilderness………is where to ENCOUNTER my Creator! At this moment, right now….I am declaring that this is exactly where I … and apparently HE wants me to be. My soul waits for His presence.
Pam
Dear brother Skip, Been there many times until i could count it all JOY. Knowing that He who had begun a good work would perform it unto the Day of Jesus Christ. Knowing that what He allows is for His glory and my good. Press on brother to the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, it’s worth it all.
Dear brother Skip,
Been there, done that, many times until i counted it all JOY. Knowing that He who has begun a good work in me would perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. The wilderness comes first, the rest and peace later, realizing that He loves and knows what is best for us. It also causes you to really love and trust Him in very trying cicumstances. He is Faithful and will establish you
Lord bless and keep you.
Carolyn
Sorry, thought it hadn’t gone through. Anyway in the mouth of two or three witnesses it is established
I, too, see me in this post. Thank you so much. It is so great to find I’m not alone in this wilderness borderland I’m living in trying to survive & thrive.
Skip,
Thank you for being transparent and authentic. Although I read your posts daily and always find an amazing nugget of truth or wisdom, I don’t usually comment on them. Your words were very encouraging as the Lord has lead me into the wilderness. I am to be still and wait so that I can hear His voice clearly and be renewed. I will be praying for you. As I ask for your prayers.
May the Lord bless you with his joy beyond all you could ever imagine or hope for,
Amy
I enjoyed reading this Skip – thanks again. By His grace and love I have slowed down and can smell the roses now. It is a free will choice. The desert is a precious place. I thank Him everytime when He takes me into the desert. We grow in the desert. We learn to love there.
Have a blessed kingdom day everybody! Let us rejoyce and stay glad. Our Father is the King. We have nothing to chase after and worry about. Let us just enjoy His presense more. He will never forsake or leave us. He promised to always be with us. He is faithfull. We bless His Holy Name! All glory to our Father and King. May His return be soon because we want everyone to see Him and know Him. Please pray with me and help me to hurry His return. The bride is eager for the Bridegroom to return!
Shalom Shalom!
“In the wilderness, it’s God’s show.” – then it is in the wilderness i NEEDS go. Todah achi!
Dear Man of Yahweh,
I’ve walked that pathway too often in my 66 years and find myself sometimes launching in that direction on the days which begin at 3AM and end somewhere near the beginning of the next dawning. And now I am reading this posting 2 days later because of the hurried and packed hours of the previous days.
I’m grateful for the setting God moved us to in July – on a lake with windows all around our living room. We never dreamed this could happen for us, but we see God’s beauty all around and mostly the t.v. is off and we sit in silence and try to absorb what we see while listening for His voice and sharing His word – at least on the days we don’t hurry off to jobs or ministry.
We all need the wilderness at times. We need to look up at the “cloud” leading rather than back at the ensuing enemy. We need the soaking of His Spirit and the refreshing “reign” of Adoni on the throne of our hearts. We know what we need. If we forget or disregard the little nudges, He allows the pursuer to take the frontal approach. The choice is ours, but it seems impossible at times when the water is swirling around our ankles and there are cries from all directions for our leadership or aid. The reality is God doesn’t need us to accomplish His purposes. He is able to handle it all. But He gives us the privilege of being His servants and the ability to walk ALONE with Him when the highway gets too crowded. The wilderness is a wonderful place to “visit” with the One in the cloud and the pillar of fire. OUCH! The promise is just across the way!