The Essence of Sin

“Against You, You only, I have sinned” Psalm 51:4

You only – David’s adultery and murder led to the destruction of his family and the eventual collapse of the monarchy.  He was publicly humiliated.  He spent the rest of his life facing the consequences of his disobedience.  The only reason he was not executed was that he was the king.  But now he was a king disgraced.

In spite of the catastrophe that David’s lust brought into his life, he understands that his sin is much deeper than his actions.  When David precipitated the events that led to all this mess, he decided to override God’s authority.  He served himself first.  David, the man after God’s own heart, determined to have life his way, just this once.  But when the door was opened, it could not be closed.

Now David stands before the Lord and cries out, “You only”.  The Hebrew root bad has a prefix and a suffix added to complete the thought:  “alone and only with respect to You”.  David knows that the essence of his sin, of all sin, is a deep opposition to the care of the Father.

Gordon MacDonald, author of Ordering Your Private World, once said that as we draw closer to God we discover much deeper layers of resistance.  At first we think that these are only issues of disobedience but as the discovery continues, we find that there is within our hearts the constant assertion of divine self-dependence.  There is a place where we want to throw God out of our lives and have it our way.  Even in the man or woman who seeks after God’s own heart, there is a resident rebellion, an enemy within, that wants nothing to do with the God who reigns.  Coming face to face with this resident evil is a terrifying experience.  I am unmasked before the Lord.  My most noble efforts are as filthy rags.  The center of my heart still retains its dark corridors.  Two thousand years later Paul echoed David’s cry:  “who will deliver me from the body of this death?”

We fear to look this enemy in the face.  We see ourselves, capable, even ready, to pursue self-control.  Consequences be damned.  We want what we want.  This confrontation calls me to utter collapse before the only One Who can save me.  There is nothing in me capable of overcoming such an enemy.  My sin stands naked before my God.  It writhes for expression – and domination.  David knew its power.  I must know it too if I am to understand the scope of mercy and the wonder of grace.

But it is frightening.  God help me.