The Secret Of Community

“No longer do I call you slaves; for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends,” John 15:15

Friend – “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sin and grief to bear”.  That single verse from the old hymn is frighteningly powerful.  Do we really have a friendship with Jesus that lets him bear all our sin and grief?  Does he comfort us in desperate loneliness?  Is he there when our world collapses in terror or sadness?  Can he really bear the weight of my struggling disobedience?  Jesus himself says, “Yes”.  But do I really believe him?

When Jesus speaks to the disciples on the night before the crucifixion, he assures them that his friendship does not depend on them.  Jesus declares that he calls them friends.  In spite of their inner doubts, personal posturing, coming disloyalty and denials, Jesus decides that he will be their friend.  It’s not up to them to earn his friendship.  He announces his decision to be a friend regardless of their response.  Perhaps this is the most important part of what he says.  Friendship is a choice, not a reward.

Our communities are fractured.  We work with people we do not trust.  We live with people who argue and fight.  We worship with people we question.  We have not learned the secret in spite of the fact that it is written down for us.  Friendship is our choice.  It does not depend on waiting for the right response.

“Wait a minute”, you’ll say.  How can I be a friend with people who treat me so badly?  You can’t expect me to go on being abused?

The answer is also simple:  friendship is not about feelings.  Friendship is an act of the will.  Jesus says that he decides to make us his friends.  The word is philos, someone loved and cared for.  I demonstrate my decision to make you my friend by acting toward you as someone I love and care for regardless of your response to my effort.  If Jesus were a friend only to those who responded appropriately, we would all be his enemies.  I have broken my trust with him over and over.  I have insulted his loyalty to me.  I have injured his reputation.  I have hurt him.  My hand held the nails.  My arms thrust the spear.  I don’t deserve anything from him but his revenge.  But he calls me friend.  Why he is willing to do so, I will never comprehend.  But with tears I say, “Lord, be my friend today.”