God Turns Away

and I became disgusted with her, as I had become disgusted with her sister. Ezekiel 23:18

Disgusted – Does God ever get to the point where He just can’t take it anymore? If you read your Bible carefully, and put aside the idea that God is always the forgiving Santa Claus in the sky, you might be surprised. Ezekiel conveys God’s words: “I am disgusted with you.” That’s scary language. God disgusted? That makes me tremble. What if that’s how He feels about me? I am compelled to look deeper into Ezekiel’s message. Why would God say such a thing?

In this prophecy of Ezekiel, God describes two women. They are daughters. They are both harlots. In God’s story, these two women represent Samaria and Jerusalem. God recalls their lust and adultery with other nations and other gods. He is quite specific about their behavior. And then He says, “I am disgusted with both of them.” The Hebrew word is naqa. It is a word peculiar to Ezekiel. It describes God’s intense disapproval and alienation over their continuous disobedience. In the end, there’s nothing left for Him to do but to bring punishment in order to foster repentance.

Sometimes I think God must be disgusted with me. He reveals the depth of my sinfulness, the magnitude of my arrogance, the heartlessness of my interactions and the depravity of my soul. I discover that my most spiritual efforts are still laced with self-satisfaction. I see that my purest desires carry poison pride pills. I often wonder if Romans 7 wasn’t written just for me.

I can only throw up my hands and plead, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Amazingly, that is exactly why God might not be disgusted with me. Samaria and Jerusalem disgusted God not because their sins were any worse that all other sins but because they refused to repent. They ignored God’s warnings and pleas. They believed that they had no need for weeping over sin.

But I do. I might not cry tears at this moment, but I know my own heart. My cardiologist is Jeremiah. I’m sick right to the core. “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner” is not just a convenient excuse. I beg for His forgiveness and restoration. I have no other way.

There are days when I am afraid to ask God to show me my true condition. But He is kind. He only lets me see what I can handle. It brings me to my knees every time. I thought I was making such progress. Then He shows me my holiness EKG.

“Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner. Don’t be disgusted with me. Bring me back.”