Tough Love
Therefore be on the alert, remembering that night and day for a period of three years I did not cease to admonish each one with tears. Acts 20:31
With Tears – We should really have started with “admonish.” You just can’t understand the impact of the Greek words meta dakruon (with tears) unless you first know the power and strength of noutheteo (to admonish). Admonish literally means “to place in the mind.” It is about vigorous and stern warnings and exhortations. You can see the picture when you think about a parent warning a child not to play in the street or walk home from school alone. There is deep concern and firm conviction. Danger lies out there and the child needs to know how to avoid it, even if they do not quite believe you.
But Paul’s warnings are far more serious than even this example. He is exhorting followers to watch out. The peril is real. Satan lurks in the shadows waiting for a victim. False doctrine can lead astray. Get a tight grip on Jesus and do not let go! Your very life is at stake.
Paul’s version of tough love comes with something that we might need to add. Tears. Notice that he admonished each one with tears. This is personal, heart-breaking concern. It brings on weeping. Why? Because Paul is not willing for a single one to be snatched away from the Lord. The very possibility of such a loss shatters him and tears flow from his eyes. To even imagine that one of the faithful might be lost, alone, hurt and despairing is more than he can bear. Tough love is a drink mixed with sorrow and grief. Heartache is the only way it can be swallowed.
We might remember the great prophet Jeremiah whose life was an agony of broken hearted spirit over the sinfulness and judgment of his people. Passage after passage shows Jeremiah weeping about the impending doom, pleading for restoration, but knowing that it is now too late.
These days we hear a lot about tough love. There’s a place for this kind of compassionate action. But we better not forget how Paul handled it. With tears. Tough love doesn’t mean a lot if it comes in the form of legalism. Demands for compliance do not change a heart. But tears do. I am quite sure that God weeps over us every time He brings correction. Why wouldn’t He? If I love my children, every form of punishment causes me deep grief, even when I absolutely know it is necessary. Perhaps my children need to see my tears instead of my hand. Jesus wept over me when He viewed my Jerusalem. If I am to reflect the heart of my Master, won’t I also weep as I warn? How tragic that anyone should be lost when rescue is so close at hand. Yes, they must see my tears to know what love really is.
Does that describe your tough love?
