Sexual Violence

“but I say unto you, that every one who looks on a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

To Lust – Ours is a world of violence.  We believe that the powerful win.  We think that protection means military might.  We find safety in guns.  We think force solves problems.  Today, the great conflicts of the world are reported in blood-red.  Jesus has a lot to say about this inner depravity.  Some of the words He uses reveal an evil darkness so deeply embedded in us that we don’t even recognize its connection to our will to power.  But He does.

The Greek verb epithumeo combines the preposition “in” with the noun “mind.”  So, “to lust after” is an action that occurs in the mind.  But that’s not all this verb implies.  When we look at the root thumos, we find connections to rushing wind, volcanic emotion, anger, wrath and explosive indignation.  That’s not what we expected.  After all, lusting after a woman seems to be thoughts about pleasure, not anger.  To imagine sex with a woman doesn’t look like a violent act.  Why does Jesus associate the desire for intercourse with volcanic aggression?

God intended sexual union to mutually join a man and a women with divine bonding for life.  God intended that the protective fence of marriage be a covenant relationship of eternal fidelity.  God intended the two to commit themselves to each other.  In particular, God intended that the man break all prior priority relationships and cleave to his wife so that his faithfulness to her is of the same quality as his faithfulness to God (see Genesis 2:24 and Proverbs 31:11).  But things don’t usually work out that way.  Ever since the Fall, men often choose to relate to woman through power, not commitment.  Lust replaces love because lust keeps me in control whereas love requires me to serve and submit.  Jesus points out that lust is ultimately the desire to control another, to exercise my will at the expense of another.  Therefore, lust is an act of violence.  It seeks my desire regardless of the consequences.  I want sex with this woman, and, given the right opportunity and enough power, I will have it.

David’s sexual encounter with Bathsheba is the paradigm example of sexual violence.  David didn’t use a gun to get what he wanted.  He used his position and power as king.  He saw what he wanted and he took what he wanted.  The subsequent tale of violence toward all the parties involved is simply the physical manifestation of epithumeo – an act in the mind.  David introduced violence into his family and violence infected the lives of his children Amnon, Tamar, Absalom and Adonijah.  David’s story should frighten every man.  God’s chosen one, blessed and honored, sidestepped his duty and allowed himself to look with willing desire.  If it can happen to the king, none of us are immune.

Does Jesus tell us that lust is wrong because it violates the Ten Commandments?  No, He doesn’t.  He tells us that lust is wrong because it rests on the need for power.  Lust is wrong because it pushes aside the sovereignty of God and asserts the sovereignty of me.  She may never know, but that doesn’t matter.  I know that I was willing to take what I wanted rather than accept what I am given.  I know that in that moment I wanted to be God and have her my way.

Topical Index:  Commandments, Adultery