Not Enough

Then when Judas, who had betrayed Him, saw that He had been condemned, he felt remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver Matthew 27:3

Remorse – The usual Greek word for repentance is metanoeo.  It means a complete change of mind, a reversal of direction.  To repent is to turn back to God; accept God’s verdict on my sin and become obedient to His way.  That process usually starts with an experience of guilt.  But there is a parallel experience that feels like repentance but isn’t.  That’s what happened with Judas.  Judas felt remorse (in Greek metamelomai), not repentance.  He experienced similar pangs of guilt, but they did not lead to God.  They lead to suicide.

What’s the difference between these two experiences?  The answer is crucial because far too often we substitute remorse for repentance.  We feel guilty.  We regret what we have done.  We even chastise ourselves.  But we have not repented.  We have slipped into emotions that aren’t enough to really change who we are.  They are just enough to lead us toward greater destruction.

Remorse is the emotional and mental conviction that my actions were inappropriate.  I know that what I did was wrong.  I wish I hadn’t done it.  I’m sorry.  I apologize.  “If I have offended you, I ask you to forgive me.”  The focus of remorse is on me – how I feel and what I can do to change my feelings.  Remorse is recognizing that I feel terrible and trying to do something to fix it.  So, Judas took back the thirty pieces of silver.  He tried to get rid of his feelings by returning the blood money.  It didn’t work.  It never will.  Remorse is not repentance.

But the focus of repentance is on God.  Repentance begins when I see that my behavior insults and slanders God.  Repentance is David’s cry, “Against You  and You only have I sinned.”  Repentance is not really about how I feel, although it is often a shattering emotional experience.  Repentance is about God’s holiness and my hideousness.  It is the recognition that I have tried to be my own god.  It is the willingness to accept the punishment I deserve at the hands of the Judge of all mankind.  I offer no excuses.  I only plead for mercy.  I know that there is nothing I can do to save myself.

Repentance is really between me and God, and no one else.  All the victims of my sinful behavior will be involved at some point, but until the issue is resolved between God and me, nothing else really matters.  When I repent, I reverse the direction of my life.  I return (the Hebrew is shuv) to God’s way.  I reject my previous behavior and adopt His way of living.   Grace follows, only because God is merciful, not because I deserve it.  And then I make restitution with others.

There are lots of times when we play the “Judas” card.  We regret our actions.  We feel remorse.  It’s not enough.  To confuse these feelings with repentance is extremely dangerous.  When our objective is to feel better, we are on the false path.  Repentance is not about feeling better.  It is about recognizing my true state in front of God.  That will probably make me feel worse, but it leads to righteousness.

Judas tried to fix his feelings.  What are you trying to do?

Topical Index:  Repentance