Dis-Appointed
“You know, it’s really disappointing.” Yes, I knew exactly what he meant. He was commenting on the fact that a few days earlier the house that he thought finally sold, through what seemed like a direct intervention of God’s grace, suddenly fell apart. The deal was off. No explanation, just disappointment.
“If God knew that it was all going to fall apart, why do you suppose He let it go so far. I just can’t figure it out. It seemed like this was all His doing. Then it just turned to crud.”
The comment hit a sensitive nerve. That very day I received a phone call about a job interview. Actually, I wasn’t even looking for the job. Out of nowhere, my name was put in the hat for a prestigious job in ministry. God’s doing, right? Everything looked great. The previous two interviews went very well. I was confident. Since I did nothing to bring this job about, I figured it had to be the Lord’s doing. Then I got the call.
“We really liked what you had to say and you are certainly qualified, but we have decided that you just don’t quite fit. We are looking at some other candidates. We’re sorry.”
Disappointed. Yes, that was the right word. Why would God take me down that path – one I wasn’t even pursuing – just to close the door on me? If He didn’t want me to have the job, why bring it up at all? I would have been much better off not knowing it even existed than to have my hopes raised and find them dashed on the floor of “you just don’t quite fit what we’re looking for.”
So, when my friend told me his tale of woe, I sympathized. And then I reflected. These sorts of experiences happened to all of us. But God is no cruel jester. He is the sovereign Lord of the universe, capable of bringing to pass any plan He chooses. He is good – a statement that means that His character is such that all He ever does is what is right, righteous and holy. So, God is not playing games with me. Yes, He allows events like this. He might even bring them about. But it is not to make me feel discouraged and rejected. There is something else in mind here, and it is up to me to discover what it is. God provides the clues. I need to put the puzzle together.
Suppose I could see these events from God’s perspective. Suppose that every time I run into circumstances that do not go the way that I hoped they would, I ask myself not “Why did God let this happen?” but rather, “Why am I reacting like this?” Do I think that just because it doesn’t turn out the way I want that God is no longer in charge? Do I think that God doesn’t care about me anymore or that He is no longer acting from His essential goodness? My friend Steve Brown once said to me, “I don’t doubt God’s sovereignty. I just doubt His benevolence.” Steve was making an ironic point. It is easy to say that God is in control. It’s not so easy to say that God always acts for the good. We experience pain, suffering, rejection, and a host of other less-than-good experiences. We might be tempted to say that this evidence indicates that God is no longer quite that good. After all, if He were really good, He would make things come out the way I want.
Of course, as soon as we say that, we recognize why we doubt His benevolence. It has nothing to do with God’s goodness. It is based in my evaluation of God’s goodness. As soon as I set the standard for what is good, God appears to miss the mark. But who am I? Certainly not God. So what gives me the celestial insight needed to set the benchmark for what is good?
If I really believe that God is sovereign, then I need to turn my disappointment into dis-appointed. When the job doesn’t materialize and the sale falls through, God is still in charge. He has simply appointed something else as the pathway for accomplishing His purposes. He is dis-appointed what I thought was the correct choice. But, of course, the entire plan was never really about me anyway. I just wanted to make God’s purposes fit my expectations, instead of trying to fit my expectations to God’s purposes.
What I need to clearly remember, over and over, is that God is accomplishing His will, not mine.
Actually, there is tremendous personal relief in this fact. I don’t carry the burden of making it all work out in the end. The actual outcome of events is not really up to me. Do I play a part? Certainly. But it is a part appointed to me by God, and it often amounts to nothing more than learning to be content with His choices. He is the active agent here, not me. I am expected to do what I am asked to do (that is not the same as what I can do). But that is all that I am expected to do. The rest is not within my power.
So, what about that job offer and that house sale? Things like that will still come along, unexpectedly. When they do, I need to take a first step before I take the next step. I need to ask what to do. Should I go to the interview? Should I sign the contract of sale? It is not obvious that this next step is the right step. Instructions from the general might spare me from a lot of useless skirmishes. On the other hand, there will still be plenty of times when I will go to the interview and sign the contract and things still don’t work out. Those are times when I can say, “I did what you asked, Lord, but the results were always up to You. What’s next?”
If I am to act as a slave of the master, I must engage life one consultative step at a time. I stop, I ask, I listen, I proceed and then I do it all over again. The world is not my oyster and I am not its master. I am only here for the ride – and I don’t even get to choose which horse I ride on. I only get to ride with Him.
