Divine Arrangements

“but you shall go to my country and to my relatives, and take a wife for my son Isaac.” Genesis 24:4

Take A Wife – This is not the way we do things.  Abraham seeks a wife for his son.  While we would call this an arranged marriage, as we will soon see, it’s not arranged by Abraham.  We don’t believe in this kind of marriage.  We have choice.  We want to have a say in who we marry.  We want to “fall in love” before we tie the knot.  Frankly, we’re a mess!  Just look at the results.  Christians have the same divorce rate as the rest of the culture.  Christians have affairs.  Christian marriages are not decidedly different.  They don’t speak the glory of God into our world.  Sure, some people seem to find the right partner, but most of us stumble and bumble along from one relationship to the next before we are married.  We date!  As if that is the solution to “finding” the right person.

Let’s reconsider the biblical model.  First, it’s not marriage arranged by parents.  Abraham does not go looking for a bride for his son.  Abraham trusts that responsibility to his servant.  In fact, he asks the servant to make a very special kind of oath, an oath that involves one’s progeny.  Of course, most of us don’t have servants to send on missions, but what we should notice is that Abraham is only able to do this because he trusts God!  The servant is simply the vehicle that God will use to bring back the right spouse.  We know this is the case because Eliezer, the servant, prays for God’s positive confirmation in the choice.  (By the way, you might find it interesting that the servant’s name is Eli – ezer, “God is my helper” and he is sent to find the ‘ezer for Isaac.)  This is the same servant who was in charge of all that Abraham owned.  Do you think that there are Messianic overtones here?

Eliezer finds Rebecca.  Well, not really.  God chooses Rebecca and lets Eliezer know about His choice.  Just as God chose the women and brought the ‘ezer to Adam, so God chooses Rebecca as the ‘ezer of Isaac.  The only thing required of Eliezer is to listen to God.  Now we see why this marriage is divinely arranged.  Neither Abraham nor Eliezer make the choice.  God makes the choice.  The only thing that all the human beings in this story are supposed to do is listen and obey. Eliezer is told to lakakhta isha (take a wife), but in reality God has already “taken” a wife for Isaac.  All Eliezer has to do is show up and watch God work.  In fact, Eliezer’s prayer (Genesis 24:12-15) is a remarkable example of complete trust and expectant answer.

Of course, we know better, don’t we?  We go on the treasure hunt, searching for the right one.  Along the way, we discover a lot of other pleasant distractions.  Our cultural model tells us that the pursuit of the perfect partner requires our personal effort.  It must be accompanied by certain feelings and fit within the acceptable cultural model.  In the end, it’s really up to us.  How egotistical can we be?  Do we really believe that we know better than God who is the right one for us?  Do we really think that our effort and our pleasure is the right means to find the perfect partner?  Apparently we do.  We abandoned the biblical model long ago.  In that model, parents pray for the spouse of God’s choosing.  They listen, wait and trust.  In that model, God provides the person of His choice.  In that model, human behavior depends on His direction.  But notice that the children, the ones to be married, are not involved in the choice.  Why?  Frankly, it’s because they are not able to make these life-long commitments on their own.   They haven’t lived long enough to see what life is really all about.  It is the parents‘ responsibility, not the children’s.  And the biblical model assumes that the parents are committed to the ways of the Lord so that they will actually be attentive to His direction.

Most of us didn’t get married according to the biblical model.  We followed the Greek ideal of personal choice.  The results were not always what we expected.  It might be too late to undo all that, but it’s not too late to get into alignment with God on how marriage works – and start praying for the spouse of your child.  Our culture teaches us that falling in love is a prerequisite to marriage.  The Bible seems to teach that God’s choice and glue are the only prerequisites.  Love comes afterward because love is a life-long process of being unashamed.  I marry because God arranges it.  Then I learn to love for the rest of my life.

Reflect on this, the day before the world’s version of Valentine’s Day.