Not Be Hindered
and grant her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7
Diagnosis Confirmed
Not Be Hindered – Peter concludes this verse with a thought that should cause every Christian man to sit up. He says that just as there is a purpose (“likewise”), there is also a goal. The strategy Peter outlines for wives is repeated. In both cases, the goal is intensely personal. For Christian wives, it is the redemption of their unbelieving husbands. For Christian husbands, it is so that your prayers may not be hindered.
The goal of bestowing honor and acting according to knowledge within the marriage is so that your prayers may not be ekkoptesthai (literally, “cut off”). The picture here is cutting a branch from a tree. This is a clear reminder of Yeshua’s analogy of the vine and the branches. The result of “cutting off” is to render the branch incapable of producing fruit. The phrase actually says, “that your offering of prayers may not be cut off”. What an amazing claim! Peter is saying that marital harmony which is the responsibility of the husband, has a direct affect on the effectiveness of prayer. There is a saying, “Happy wife, happy life”. But according to Peter, more than life in this world is at stake. “An honored wife yields a spiritually effective life”.
Listen guys! Peter is giving us an indisputable spiritual law of life. If you’re not fulfilling your responsibilities toward your wife, you are going to have lead-balloon prayers. You don’t have to go to the marriage counselor on this one. Just ask yourself, “How’s my prayer life?” “Am I feeling God’s vibrancy? Do I see victories? Is my heart being molded into His character? Am I able to clearly and confidently approach His throne?” You know the answers without having to take a course in spiritual dynamics. Peter gives you the straight scoop on this – man to man. If you have neglected mutual submission, if you don’t do all you can to understand her, if you haven’t seen the power in her weakness, if you withhold equality in inheritance, if you’re not delivering grace of life, then you are going to have a hard time with God. Don’t give me the excuse that you are the head of the home. Forget that! If you aren’t treating your wife according to these Torah-commentary principles, the only home you are the head of is the dog house.
So, check the diagnosis. It will only take a second for you to test your worthiness as a husband. How’s your prayer life? Short and sweet. No getting around it. As a Christian man, you are responsible! That’s what it means to be head of the home. It’s not about authority. It’s about responsibility. You are the first on the list of responsible persons. You have the divinely-ordained privilege of being the one God will examine first. How does it feel to be the head now?
That’s enough for today. After all, a man can only take so much.
Topical Index: hindered, cut off, head, prayer, ekkoptesthai
UPDATE: We’ve been talking about the role of ‘ezer over the last four days. Here’s an article I wrote that fills in a lot of details on a redeemed marriage and reflection on Genesis story called, Balancing Act.
Now that was very cool!!!
The last few days have been about the marriage relationship and I am divorced. To even have to put that down on paper is still painful. I have been alone over four years now and have not healed yet. We were married over 30 years and the divorce was neither my idea or my intention. I did not sin in this marriage.
I just want to say that the other side of not obeying God by choosing to not love your wife will always result in sorrow. My life is not the same and I can say that I have not known what it is like to have joy this entire time. I battle daily to regain what was taken out of me and were it not for the knowledge of His love for me, I am not sure I could go on, believing that Jesus is going to restore what the cankerworm devoured.
Choices have consequences and sometimes I wonder if HE (my ex) is bothered yet.
Carol
Congrats on your video idea – it is great – I can walk around while fixing my morning tea & getting ready for work – but I did watch most of it. Thanks for doing this for us – it was very much enjoyed & keep up the good work… 🙂
Ms. Jano
These regarding the role of husbands are very useful to me as a wife! I also appreicate your recording it for us to watch… See, I just played it, turned up a little loud…and my husband heard some of it from the other room. Curiosity kicked in, and now he can see the rest of the teachings on this vein. Baruch Hashem! Seriously, thank you Skip. Like many of your readers, I share your teachings with my Chavurah (fellowship), my talmidim (students) and the people I meet on the way. Bless you in Messiah and your ministry as well!
Skip,
I really like the new website and especially the video portion. It makes it more impactful to hear it and see it at the same time.
Thanks for all you do. You are really making a difference in my life.
Kelley
Dear Carol,
I am SO sorry to read of the pain you are still feeling 4 years after your unwanted divorce. It brings tears to my eyes as I remember the excruciating gut-wrenching pain that comes from abandonment and rejection. I too have spent nights ‘wailing’– and I’d thought that was simply the name of a historical landmark in Israel.
My situation is similar: almost 3 years ago, my husband left me shortly before our 32nd anniversary. His reason? He wasn’t happy and he couldn’t make me happy and he had no hope that things would ever change. I tried blaming him for ruining my life, but that only made me more miserable.
The first thing I heard God say after my husband left was from Isaiah 30:15: “In repentance and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence/trust is your strength.” I had to break free from the painful ‘victim’ mentality. It took recognizing MY sin by confessing that I’d made my husband an ‘idol’ because I’d poured my life into him rather than into reverence towards God. I thought I was the ‘perfect Christian wife,’ but even that mindset was self-righteous.
I had to admit that I ALSO contributed to the downfall of our marriage. I’ve worked hard–too hard at times!–to replace my dysfunctional ways with God’s pattern for healthy relationships, built on truth, honesty, transparency, vulnerability, freedom, and personal responsibility. I’ve participated in counseling, support groups, read a ton of books, etc. and I discovered that I can only change ME–or I should say, GOD is the One who transforms me as I confess my sin, repent of it, and pursue Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
Please don’t read this as me judging you for your feelings. I don’t want to appear unsympathetic, but I hate to see you still so wounded. Find a support group (Divorce Care 13 week class is a good place to begin), see a counselor, find 2 or 3 girlfriends who you trust to pray for you, to encourage you, and to hold you accountable to grow spiritually. Read, rest, pray. Trust God to reveal Himself and His plan for how He will use your pain for His glory.
Thanks for another piece of essential pie for me to Maximize my life. Skip, stay encouraged brother, as you are being such a growth factor for me and now my wife. As Ben Learner teaches us, I know that if just one marriage, or just one man or women is saved into Christ Jesus then all of your work has been worth it. But of course you touch so many more. Keep it up! ONE MORE!!!!
Thank you for sharing that CYndee – I give you a witness in all you have said above – it is so so true & may we all continue to grow in His love & grace & may our obedience be our strength as our joy is also… 🙂
Please understand that I don’t mean for this to be an on-line counseling session when I say this, but I have done everything that you mentioned – counsel, Divorce Care, 2 or 3 praying friends. There is more going on than a divorce. My ex was the pastor, he was removed from office, the church was embarressed and I was asked not to come back (my only church home for over 30 years). The new pastor is my brother, and we do not have a relationship anymore My only child won’t talk to me. I am paralyzed by rejection. That’s why ‘things’ still hurt. How do I separate the past and move forward when I am still grieving? Why oh why am I still grieving?
caroldopray
It is always easier said than done & all we here that have heard your plea/cry for help can do is give you what we ourselves have experienced in our healings. I know that when I am at my rope’s end & feel totally abandon I go to the Word of God & the psalms seem to envelope me with their truth of my own experience also & we here (i’m sure) will be standing/praying for your breakthrough because I know that this is an experience that should & hopefully will be an experience that will eventually transform you more into His image – at this point you cannot see the forest for the trees & that is okay too – this too will pass. Hope is a very powerful thing & God/Jesus/Holy Spirit give us hope in the darkest of hours in our life – just hang on with all your might as I see you are doing & He will bring you through the waters even though they are over your head… 🙂
STAND WHEN THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO IS STAND… (and others will stand in the gap for you also)… 🙂
My dear sisters: Divorce is exactly as the Word suggests – ripping your skin off as the glue is broken. It is incredible painful, and just like skin graphs, takes a long time to heal. You don’t have to rush it. God never unglues – and even He has been divorced. His bride left Him over and over.
There is one thing that we can all do. We can pray for your peace and comfort. The purpose of the community of saints is just this – to lift the burdens of our family. So, all of you who read this comment, let’s commit to lift up Carole in prayer – real prayer, heart wrenching, healing prayer. Carole need the skin replaced and only the Lord makes graphs so perfect that the wounds leave no scars.
Skip
Interesting – and so like the Lord – that you used the word STAND. In my journalling this morning, I wrote, “I am not standing. I keep falling down, Lord. You are the only one now who can pick me up.” So when I was reading that, I sensed His voice through your words to STAND. Thank you.
Thank you carolopray – that is what community is all about with Him – each of us ministering to one another – it makes me cry how He uses us for one another – that has always been my plea from the first time I met Him – is use me Lord & He does in little special ways – special to me & to you – that is how He is so omniscient & omnipresent in His love for us. (crying tears of joy for us both…)
Ms. Jan
BTW: thank you Skip for your input also & creating this community for us to minister to one another & learn from one another too… 🙂
Divorce is like ripping your skin off. I know. Apparently a lot of us know what that feels like. So does God. Israel walked out on Him many times. But it was never the end of His glue. God sticks! Even when we fail. The universal language of all human beings is pain, and for those of us who know this pain, we are able to speak a language know only to the ones who have lost skin. So, speak. Speak your pain so that others may apply the healing balm.
Skip