Hurting Prayer
for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; Romans 8:26
Groanings Too Deep – Sometimes prayer is simply silent agony. Sometimes the heart is so hurt that there just aren’t any words left to say. Sometimes there are only tears.
But God hears tears as though the sky is crying.
When our prayers reach into the depths of our souls, we often find ourselves in waste places. In those places, there are only howls, groans and floods of emotion. Perhaps this is really the essence of prayer for creatures in a broken world. Once, when Man conversed with God in the Garden, prayer might have been sweet, uninhibited relationship. Once, a long time ago, prayer was without shame. But the world has changed. Atsav not only characterizes our toil with the earth and the trials of procreation, atsav has become a characteristic of our conversation with the Great Lover of our souls. Sorrow is the watchword of the broken universe. And sometimes there are no words for breathing atsav.
Does it help to know that God knows? Sometimes, yes, it does. But there are those deep experiences of loneliness that push us to the edge of even God’s gracious favor. Of course, we know that God cares. We aren’t pushed out of His love, but sometimes we are nearly overwhelmed in our loneliness. In those moments, groaning may be all that’s left. God hears and feels that terror. We must sit silently and listen for there is nothing for us to say. This is the realm of the Spirit.
Paul uses two Greek words, stenagmos and alaletos : emotional overload that cannot be uttered. If the true meaning of agape is found not among friends but among enemies, then this may be a comparable analogy. The true arena of prayer in a broken world is a place where words fail us. This is why the rabbis consider the wordless prayer of Hannah to be the epitome of prayer. When we are in the deepest possible connection with our inner insufficiency, we may come into contact with the God who moves silently exercising His will in the world of atsav.
I struggle with this idea. I see it in Scripture. I even understand it as an idea, but I find it extremely difficult to encounter. Every time I get close to that place where there is nothing but silence and feelings, I pull back. I try to return to my controlled cognition, the world in my mind that runs according to my desires. A place where all control is gone, where my landscape is filled with inhospitable wilderness, is a place that is terrifying to me. I am so desperate to gather in my emotions and control my life that I avoid the God of the wilderness – until the broken world forces me to acknowledge my foolish deception and admit that if I really want to see the face of God I must go where no man can live. Perhaps I am just weak – or afraid. I believe. Now, help my unbelief.
How many of us fail to find the God who loves us beyond measure simply because we are afraid to be in an immeasurable place?
Topical Index: prayer, stenagmos, alaletos, groanings, fear, wilderness, Romans 8:26
And you thought the wilderness was a lonely place? We can’t be the only people there.
WOW Skip. What provoked that kind of morning devotion? Have you stood at my back, watching me write in my journal, speaking to my God about this cave that I live in and waiting for the day when all of my life, without and within, comes togather and I can come out of hiding and walk in light and liberty? Does He really know I’m here and how loud is loud enough to be heard? I’m down to whispers.
I stuggle with believing there is a good end coming. But still I can’t let go of Him. How can I turn the cries into praise, for that is, I think, the only choice that is left to me.
As I read the story of God’s interaction with men, it strikes me that the story is filled with times of silence. It is as if God is letting men work their way to chaos and waste. Then He comes. His coming is not always pleasant. He came to take Israel into Babylon. But He comes so that we might turn again to Him. I think that this world is experiencing a time of silence. That does not mean God isn’t at work. He just moves secretly through the land. We see where He has been after He has been there. It seems to me that our current preoccupation with “prophetic” words is just another symptom of His true silence. Sin must run its course. It will take the good, the bad and the ugly with it. When its days are full, He will come. In the meanwhile, we wait. We wait with hope. We wait with praise on our lips. But nevertheless, we wait. That is what is means to persevere – to wait expectantly when there is no word.
In these times, silence is the only prayer that seems to reach Him because it is what is on His heart. We would rather speak – say anything at all to keep from hearing, and feeling, the silence. But if we want to draw close, we must take on His point of view and it just might be that He is waiting too.
Skip
A new Christian’s prayer life is like a baby learning to walk: tentatively taking those first steps, and with lots of falls. But as the Christian grows his or her prayer life also grows usually. My prayer life is not the same as it was say five years ago, and it has definitely changed from what it was fifteen years ago. Now the time I spend alone with the Lord is in silence at least half the time, and the half that is audible is by far filled with my praises for Him and my worship of Him. I know that before I ever approach the throne of grace, He knows exactly what I want, and more importantly, He knows exactly what I need. Often during that audible portion when we actually listen to what we are asking or saying and perhaps how foolish it sounds when we realize just who we are speaking to, the silent portion of our prayers begins to grow. While still comparatively young in the Lord, I got my hands on a tiny book entitled “The Table of Inwardness” by a dear sweet man of God Calvin Miller. That book introduced me to a whole new realm in my prayer life that this short poem that he wrote illustrates.
The Table
In this secluded place I meet a king.
He comes alone to drink reality with me.
Sometimes we talk, sometimes we sit
And sip a life that passes by the crowd
As inwardness is born – a felted thing
Of power – a commonality –
A union where unmended hopes are knit
Where silence roars as quiet sings aloud.
Oh Christ, I love it here!
It is our place.
Fill all my hungry need with joy again.
With simple loaves of bread and chaliced wine
Heaven, earth and all of God are mine.
Thanks Fred for sharing Calvin Miller’s poem I will have to search out his book. It certianly touched something deep within. It is good to return to this stream and even reading what I had previously written. It reminds me what I have spoken when I sometimes I get caught up with those things that have a tendency to clutter the soul and hinder the spirit.
Jeffrey
I go there because I have no other place to go! Groan…..
I have had wilderness experiences in my life as a Christian…one lasted three agonizing years….I could not speak, only claimed the Word back to Him. I remember pleadings and the loud cry of Jesus to the One able to save (Heb 5:7).
Thank you all for your honest words, my heart is yearning for that imbrace by the King, to have his arms surround me in the embrace of His Love. The words that I would want to exspress are to inadaquite to respond to that Love, instead tears flow from within, oh how I love that place where all I can do is groan, I am so blessed to have found this expression of the living Word of God and a fellowship of others who share this amazing wonder we have with our Loving Father. Thank you Skip for sharing your heart each day with us, it is truly refreshing to have a drink of the Living Water. May God bless all of you!
Jeffrey Curtis
Welcome to wonderland.
From Genesis to Revelation we hear the call to realign the earth with Heaven. This is the story of the church, we are to grow according to His calling and purpose, the Royal priesthood. “And they sang a new song saying, “Worthy art Thou to take the book, and to break its seal; for Thou wast slain and didst purchase for God with Thy blood men from every tribe and tongue and people and nation. And Thou hast made them to be a kingdom and priests to our God; and they will reign upon the earth” Revelation 5:9,10
May I suggest, why don’t you try listening to “Mystery CD,” if you still have it. It will generate the special spark that your journey requires. Enter into the Spirit through the symphony of spirited sounds, and experience the “Written Word” in a language that knows no borders.
It is interesting to note that new songs and sounds express and energize revolutions and new movements in history. In a sense, they reform and transform. We need to be reminded again that a blessed spiritual growth is based upon worship in spirit and truth, silence with a blessed tune takes us there.
The song of Deliverance, Victory, and Rest, Rev. 15:3-4
P.S. Please check out the music videos on the aleximusic.com, I would love to hear your comments on it.
Your resolute student
Everything you said in this post was if you sat in the corner of my mind and tickled its nerves, only to sprout about the deepest of my thoughts and insecurities.
I googled “alaletos” (because it used to be one of my favorite words) and that’s how I stumbled onto your blog. The word alaletos holds dear to me. Though my heart and spirit felt so much, often times I couldn’t get myself to utter any words to describe such emotions (whether it be joy, grace, and at times, unworthy).
In any case, I want to thank you for such an in-depth and heavy, yet refreshing post. I don’t feel so alone in my insecurities as a spiritual Christian.
I intend to blog my thoughts regarding this (and my own weaknesses), so I hope we can share thoughts on this some time.
I like your use of the word stummble, why is it that we see the work of God in our life as a mere happenstance or stummble as you said for I also found this wonderful site by “mistake”. Most of the major acheivements of man happens by ‘mistakes’ Ha Ha I wonder!!!
Jeffrey