Hard To Swallow

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them. Colossians 3:19

Be Embittered – OK, so husbands are supposed to love their wives. We know this is not just “feel good” love. Of course, love between a husband and a wife should feel good, but what Sha’ul has in mind is love that gives up its own agendas for the good of the other. This is agape love – benevolence toward another at cost to me. Actually, since the relationship is mutually beneficial, loving my wife is really a good thing for me too.But if this is true (and it is), then why does Sha’ul add the second phrase:Don’t be bitter toward your wife?

First, we need to look at the Hebrew word for “bitter” – mar. The pictograph is revealing: a person of chaos. With this in mind, bitterness is essentially disordered existence. Sha’ul’s statement implies that loving my wife brings ordered existence but being bitter toward her brings chaos. So, if I know this, and I really do want to love her, where would bitterness enter the picture?

The answer comes from the root of ahav, the Hebrew verb for “love.” Of course, there are two other Hebrew words about love, but this one is the center of God’s love and, consequently, the heart of the symbolic relationship of marriage. Ahav consists of the consonants Aleph-Hey-Bet. Seekins says that this picture conveys “the father revealed.” In other words, the normal construction of “father” (ab) is separated by the consonant Hey which means “behold” or “what is revealed.”In Hebrew, love reveals the Father.The character of love is the character of God.Isn’t that what Sha’ul claims in the famous passage in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8?The demonstration of love as patient, kind, not jealous, not arrogant, not unbecoming, not seeking its own, not being provoked and not taking wrongs into account is a tangible revelation of God’s character.To act in these ways is to act like the Father.Didn’t Yeshua say, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father”?He didn’t mean that his disciples looked into the “face” of God.He meant that they saw God revealed in the actions and attitudes of His Son.They saw who God is in human tangible expressions.When husbands love their wives, the same revelation of the character of God occurs.

Why does Sha’ul caution against bitterness and the chaos it brings? Because for me to act according to the character of the Father isn’t easy. A man must put aside most of his worldly training about being the boss, being tough and being in charge. His agendas must be put on the shelf. He relinquishes his desires in favor of hers. He lets her be all God designed her to be and does not stand in her way, trusting that God’s direction to his ‘ezer kenedgo will bring him closer to God’s purposes. But – it isn’t easy! This process grates against everything the world expects and teaches. The temptation of bitterness hangs around the door, waiting for a chance to jump inside. Many men concede to their wives rather than joyfully support them. There is an enormous difference – a difference that can only be remedied in a heart-to-heart confession to the Lord. God’s character is impugned by this behavior, not hers. Perhaps that’s why Sha’ul is so direct. Don’t let bitterness get under your skin. If serving your wife isn’t joyful, go ask Him what’s wrong.

There is an edge here, somewhere between resentful compliance and joyful endorsement. For every husband, that edge, the one that cuts so deep, is exposed where bitterness sharpens the claws of chaos. When disorder creeps into the corners of your life, alarms should sound. You are under attack, not from her but from the accuser. Retreat to the Father who blesses order more than anyone and let Him guide you back to sanity.

Topical Index: bitterness, mar, love, ahav, father, ab, Colossians 3:19