Civility
And the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, “Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old.” Genesis 18:13 NASB
I am so old – Don’t be too quick to read this text! Take a step backwards and read what Sarah actually said. Then ask yourself, “Why did God leave out something that Sarah said when He spoke to Abraham?”
Let’s answer this by cleaning up the translation. First, we have to eliminate the extra words added by the translators. Sarah doesn’t speak about bearing a child. She literally says, “shall I have pleasure.” Neither does God speak of childbearing. He says that Sarah said, “Indeed, truly, shall I bear?” Of course, God’s words imply having a child, but Sarah’s words mix childbearing with sexual pleasure. God does not repeat this to Abraham.
Secondly, notice what God actually leaves out of His report. Sarah said that she is old and so is Abraham. Her words imply his impotence. But when God speaks to Abraham, He does not report that Sarah said this. Nevertheless, God indicates that He is reporting accurately what Sarah said. We read the passage too quickly, assuming that there is nothing important about this omission. We are focused on the child. God is focused on the relationship. The child is a certainty. The relationship is not. God altars His speech so that it includes only zakanti (I am old) but not zaken (he is old).
The rabbis, who are much more careful about reading God’s Word, noticed this subtle change. They saw God’s accommodation to relationship civility. If God had reported precisely what Sarah said, it might have been an affront to Abraham. It certainly would have questioned his virility. Such things were not done in the culture of the Middle East. God removes the offense and thereby encourages the relationship between Sarah and Abraham, a relationship that has already seen its share of tension. The rabbis note that God underscores civility. It is sometimes appropriate to leave a few things out if including them will damage the person or the relationship with others. Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel said, “By three things is the world sustained: by justice, by truth, and by peace.”[1] But the rabbis noted that sometimes truth and peace lie opposed, especially in the home. Therefore, shelom bayit (peace in the house) may require a form of godly civility, exemplified by God Himself. Sometimes it is necessary, and righteous, to change a word here or there in order to bring harmony. Sometimes.
But not always.
And since it is not always godly to alter the truth in order to bring harmony, no legislated morality is possible when it comes to truth and peace. Unless our words are led by the Spirit, and not by a fixed rule of law, we are likely to destroy rather than build up.
Topical Index: zakanti, old, Genesis 18:13, shelom bayit, peace at home, Pirke Avot
[1] Pirke Avot, 1:18
“Unless our words are led by the Spirit, and not by a fixed rule of law, we are likely to destroy rather than build up.”
Not that I am like Mother Theresa by any stretch of the imagination.
But it seems to me that she exemplfies the spirit of acceptance of the Other.
Of the wretched of the earth.
And isn’t this true in the ecclesia either?
Hi Kees,
Unfortunately, it seems to me that in the ecclesia they tend to see things in terms of saints and sinners.
This dualistic illusion of the ANALytical mode of thinking makes, in theological terms, the One thing two.
When in fact there is only thing, besides God in reality, and that is us sinners 🙂
“there is only thing”
oops
only one thing
The “saints” or the “aint’s”. Either you is or you aint. Where is the dividing line? It all depends on which on which side of the cross of (the) Christ we find ourselves. “The LORD knoweth those that are His.” Do we (or do we not) -now,today, this moment, belong to Him? (Check, yes or no.)
“Let the redeemed of the LORD, say so.” Amein? (Is it written?)
Hi Carl,
What about the old yetzer hara 🙂
In Judaism, yetzer hara (Hebrew: יצר הרע for the definite “the evil inclination “), or yetzer ra (Hebrew: יצר רע for the indefinite “an evil inclination”) …
Shalom Skip,
Thanks for this great teaching today! Several years ago I was introduced and intrigued by this concept you taught on today, by Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, in her book “The Committed Life.” Drawing on the timeless wisdom of the Torah, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis reminds us of the principles necessary for living a better and more committedap life. (this last sentence is taken off the back of the book). ‘Peace’ is the 5th chapter of the book where she introduces this concept to a woman whose two female cousins are creating a lot of turmoil in the family. Page 71, she tells the young lady for the sake of peace the Torah not only sanctions, but encourages embellishments for the sake of peace. Page 72, at the same time it is not to be be taken as a blanket approval to utter falsehoods, but truth is to take a backseat for the sake of peace under special circumstances when and regard for the sake of a family and a society. Never is an outright lie permitted, but we must find a way to embellish the truth. Excellent book full of great stories and wisdom!