Abbey Road

Would YHWH reject forever, and never again be pleased?  Has His kindness ceased forever, has the promise failed for all generations.  Has El forgotten to show favour? Has He shut up His compassions in displeasure?  Selah.  Tehillim 77:7-9  ISR

Never again be pleased – I’m right there with the boys.  “And in the end,  . . .”  Walking Abbey Road as it was all falling apart.  I read lines from the Mesillat Yesharim (The Path of the Upright).  They were written hundreds of years ago.  I can’t get past them.

“ the tendency to be lenient with oneself covers up sin.”

“The quality of cleanness consists in being free from evil traits as well as from sin. . . . Only the man who is entirely free from that plague [the propensity to condone certain sins that provide special pleasures], and who is undefiled by any trace of evil which lust leaves behind it, will see clearly and judge truly.”[1]

Moses Luzzatto continued by pointing out that the man who succeeds in overcoming the inclinations of the yetzer ha’ra does so by following wisdom and controlling his inclinations.  But he has not yet overcome the fire of that passion which longs to assert its control and return him again to the fight.  Only when such a man has at last been freed from the rebellion that lurks in the inner recesses of his heart will he awaken the divine will.  Then he will be able to see clearly, to judge rightly, because the sinister power of the desire for self will be defeated.  Such a man will not postpone his rush to complete any commandment of the Lord for he will recognize that every opportunity to perform a mitzvot is a signal of his undying gratitude to God.

But I am not that man.  I long to be such a man, but too often the yetzer ha’ra defeats me.  I rationalize my loneliness.  I excuse my “justifiable” anger.  I ignore my duty.  Slander falls from my tongue with ease.  I seek vacation from the press of Torah study and the obligations it brings.  Far too often, my attitude is not gratefulness but complaint.  The beast within still rumbles.  I fall.  And when I do, I am apt to push away the terror of God’s displeasure with quick reassurance about grace.  I do not allow myself to experience fear and trembling because I am afraid to be overwhelmed with remorse and regret.  I am afraid I might drown in the cesspool of my own disobedience.

Of course, all of this feeds the beast.  Now he has the power to suggest that my effort is useless, my hopes mere fantasies.  I might as well continue in the spiral because I know I can’t get out by myself and I have so failed my Lord that He has withdrawn from me.  I am ugly to myself, so I must be ugly to God.  Will He never again be pleased?  The Hebrew lo-yosif lirtzot od has more in it than the translation catches.  “Not-to continue to do something (to repeat, to increase) to take delight, treat favorably again.”  The phrase implies that God was pleased but somehow that divine favor has been interrupted.  God was repeating, increasing His favor and delight.  But something happened.

David raises the unimaginable question:  Has God changed His mind?  The circumstances certainly might make us feel that way.  Where is the help when I am faltering?  Where is the rescue when I fall?  Why is the fight so difficult?  Why am I plagued with incessant insolent desire?  Has my affair with the yetzer ha’ra branded me an adulterer in God’s court forever?

David lets us feel the anguish of lost favor because that feeling is the touchstone of reality.  The yetzer ha’ra seduces us with despair.  “God will never return His love.  You are unworthy.  You are a failure.  Your sin is leprous.  You must be removed.”  But God’s love doesn’t wane.  He is faithful even with those who fail.  I might not feel it now while the yetzer ha’ra clutches at my arms and legs.  I might not know relief while I struggle out of the pit.  But there is only one sin that lasts forever: the sin of telling myself there is no use in getting up when I have been knocked down.

Topical Index:  yetzer ha’ra, never again pleased, lo-yosif lirtzot od, Psalm 77:7-9