A Personal Note
Today while I was praying the Lord reminded me that I am just a student like the rest of you. I am just learning as I go, making mistakes, drawing the wrong conclusions, feeling inadequate to the task. I try to be as careful with the text as I can be. I try to be cognizant of the many different approaches to interpretation. But my horizon is just as limited as anyone’s and I am sure that I often fail to capture what you might see or believe. This is a journey together and while I might be a step or two ahead of some, I lag far behind others.
In particular, I struggle with prayer. Yes, I teach seminars on the subject and I have written quite a bit about the vocabulary of prayer, but when it comes to those times on my knees, I still fight distraction, I still find I am talking too much, I still miss the presence of the Father. Prayer is without any doubt the hardest part of my discipleship. I am not sure why this is the case since I certainly know intellectually what prayer is about and why it is so essential, but right now it is difficult. I have not learned to weep, but I need to.
My mother died last week, on Thursday night. She was 95. She lived a long, Spirit-filled life. She prayed often. I have not come close to her sense of God’s presence. Nor have I dealt very well with her passing. It is not that I am ovecome with emotion. It is that I am not feeling the deep sense of loss that will some day become a reality. I pray about this. I don’t know what else to do.
Several of my childern are in desperate need of God’s guidance. They face personal crises and long-lasting decisions that must be carefully weighed. It is the same for most of us. Life rarely comes in black and white. Most of us must struggle with gray to find our way. I pray about this too.
I am not looking for your sympathy. I am only feeling quite insufficient for the role God’s seems to have given me at the moment. I ask only that you remember who I am: just one more of the crowd trying to hear His voice and respond.
Shalom.
Skip
Precious Skip
The loss of a parent on this side of heaven is great, and I pray in your grieving hour. I ask the God of all Comfort to minister to your mind, heart, and soul.
Somehow, I have come to know the deeper things of a iife in prayer and the ebbs and flows. I continue to rest on that God knows.
With love in Christ the Lord, and your sister in Christ,
Kelly
I am awed by your honesty. I have felt the same in my walk with Him. I don’t know if it’s an “overload symdrome” — knowing fully well that we know Him and how to be personally intimate with Him, but somehow, sometimes, we get out of synch. Is it because to know Him is to know ourself first? As we immerse ourselves in the life of the ministry in which He called us, we tend to forget our first love — the Lord Jesus. I re-discovered myself and my deepest passion for Him (that was burried under the heap of ministry work) last week when I was invited to be part of a panel that interviewed pastor applicants for licensing at Foursquare. The applicants cried when we prayed for and laid hands on them. This brought me back to the time God called me and how, like those people, I was on my knees crying to Him from a humble heart, tears of joy streaming down my cheeks. It is good to remember the basic facts about our faith and to remind ourselves of who we are in Him in times of spiritual dryness.
I am sorry to hear about the passing of your Mother. I pray that you will have peace within yourself knowing fully well that she is now with Him Who we all adore.
Blessings to you and to your family. I pray that your children will find their way to Him as you and I and many others in our community had experienced.
You are in my prayers Skip. May Adonai turn your sorrows into joy: We go out, we go out sowing tears! We come back bearing joy! Adonai bless and keep you and your loved ones! May His face shine upon you and have mercy on you! I grieve with your loss and weep with your sorrow and will rejoice at your deliverance from evil times!
This week someone I relay your messages to told me he shared some with his grown kids and they said it had an impact on them. Sharing the Good News, one to another. Thanks Skip, for your efforts to live as you are called.
I loss my parents when they turned 61 each. It was so sorrowful to me at that time because I myself was so young. I think as you grow and see them age, the parting process becomes a bit easier. Not that you won’t miss them, but you also are on their heels. Sorrow only last for the night, but Joy comes in the morning.
Regarding prayer, it is my source. I think the greats of the Bible all seemed to be men of prayer. They would separate themselves to hear from the Lord. I Love the Word, but prayer is what mobilizes the teachings. Prayer breaks up the fallow ground. The call of the Watchman sees from a different perspective, so a life built on The Word and Prayer is impacting. I think this is a tug of the Lord on your heart to keep in pursuit of tapping into the Source of Life.
Dear Skip, all of us appreciate your dedication! Sorry to hear that your mother passed away. This comes always too early. Just take time to grieve! I’ve more than a feeling that you are also seriously tired and that you are in need of some time of rest. Go and rest at the feet of our Lord Yeshua and remember Matt 11.
Our condolences and God’s rich blessings be upon you.
Thank you for your vunerability! It is refreshing. I want you to know I am praying for you and your family!
Much Love
Dan