Relationship Consumer
“He who has found his life shall lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake shall find it.” Matthew 10:39 NASB
Lose – “But what about my needs?” That’s the problem, isn’t it? We treat relationships in the same way we treat any other possession. We are relationship consumers. Our culture trains us to think in terms of personal benefits. It constantly parades in front of us all of the added attractions we can consume. From food to sports, from beauty to furniture, we are taught to desire and to satisfy that desire by consuming what is offered. The absolute key to marketing success is to create a desire, and in this world, we have refined that success key to a fine art.
The problem is that when we apply this same tried-and-true logic to relationships, we focus on the same marketing key – the desire to have our needs fulfilled. In other words, we view relationships in terms of their addition to us. The bottom line is this: we expect relationships with others to provide benefits to us. If these relationships don’t provide what we need, then we consider them less valuable, less attractive and ultimately useless. We have been trained to expect the rainbow, and we won’t stop consuming others until we find that multicolored dream. But just like chasing real rainbows, the speed of retreat of the goal is precisely equal to the speed of approach. We never get there. The reason we never get there is one of the great paradoxes of life. If you seek your own ends, you cease being human and as a result, you never find yourself. But if you stop seeking benefits for yourself and put your effort into what serves and benefits another, you discover that you have improved your own humanness quite by accident.
Yeshua described this principle in terms of losing and finding life. The man who thinks that finding life is acquiring what it takes to meet his needs will discover that his life is lost, not because there is anything wrong with the things he wishes to possess, but rather because desiring to possess them turns him away from what it means to be human. To be human is to be devoted to someone other than myself. When I make myself the center of my life, when my needs become the focus of my existence, I choose a path that leads to the destruction of my humanity. In the end, I discover that I have lost my own life. I have, but I have not.
Yeshua tells us that if we choose to lose the life that we think we must have to meet our needs, if we give up the quest of self-fulfillment and take up the challenge of living for others (and for Him), we will find the life that satisfies. Of course, we can play the game of pretending we are living for others in order to find this “new” life, but that is nothing more than existential fraud. The only man who finds his life is the one who has truly given himself away. The design of the universe can’t be fooled by sub-text motives.
Most of us concur with Yeshua. We believe His words. But do we practice them? I’m not so sure. If we applied this principle to the marriage covenant of Genesis 2:24, we would have to ask ourselves, “Am I truly committed to the shalom of my spouse or do I still expect something in return?” “Am I with this person because of what I get from the relationship or am I married because this relationship gives me the opportunity to live as a servant of my spouse?” “Who is the most important person: me or my spouse?”
We live in Babylon, the culture of personal consumption. All of our lives we are taught to seek what rewards us. It is only a small step to see my personal relationships in the same light. In fact, I would be surprised if we didn’t see personal relationships in terms of consumer benefits. Today you can decide to act in opposition to this animal craving. You can step toward being human. You can decide to live for another, not because you feel like it, not because you expect reward but simply because it is the right thing for humans to do.
Topical Index: lose, life, relationship, Matthew 10:39
From an article of Rabbi Benjamin Blech that says it in a story (I understand pictures and stories better – that is why Skip’s photos are so amazing – they tell stories without words):
In Hasidic tradition there is a beautiful story that illustrates the moral danger implicit in mirrors.
A very rich young man went to see a Rabbi in order to ask his advice about what he should do with his life. The rabbi led him over to the window and asked him:
“What can you see through the glass?”
“I can see men coming and going and a blind man begging for alms in the street.”
Then the rabbi showed him a large mirror and said to him:
“Look in this mirror and tell me what you see.”
“I can see myself.”
“And you can’t see the others. Notice that the window and the mirror are both made of the same basic material, glass.
“You should compare yourself to these two kinds of glass. Poor, you saw other people and felt compassion for them. Rich – covered in silver – you see yourself.
“You will only be worth anything when you have the courage to tear away the coating of silver covering your eyes in order to be able to see again and love your fellow man.”
What a GREAT story! I love the illustrations of the rabbis. I wish I could think like that.
What a wonderful story Ilze. I’m right there with you when it comes to word pictures.
The rabbi’s story illustrates this perfectly.
“Look in this mirror and tell me what you see.”
“I can see myself.”
Hi Ilze,
Great story, thanks for sharing!
I think it is sort of ironic that where I live the great visionary of our time is Steve Jobs
Many years ago, when I was in college, the enemy was consumerism and monopoly capitalism
The radical philosophers like Michel Foucault were pointing out that civilization was going insane
And the radical psychoanalysts were pointing out that our psychological development
Was getting stuck in the infantile “mirror stage”
That we were becoming “Desiring Machines”
I must admit that I have an I Phone and admire many things about Apple and Steve Jobs
But where I live virtually everybody is looking at and connected to a machine all day long
And most of the night 🙂
Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason (French: Histoire de la folie à l’âge classique) is a 1964 abridged edition of Michel Foucault’s 1961 work Folie et déraison: Histoire de la folie à l’âge classique.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madness_and_Civilization
“To be human is to be devoted to someone other than myself” Skip has compared this to the marriage relationship, but what about devoted care of another in need who has terminal cancer, and is not related to you. This person does not have enough financial support to meet their needs and minimal love and support from relatives. There is nothing to gain from supporting them thru chemo, surgery, hospice and being with them when the Lord calls them home. You even get to pay the preacher to hold their funeral and burial service. Being devoted in the marriage relationship is expected, being devoted to one in need is not understood by many Christians and society at large.
Good point. My example was only to suggest that the fundamental relationship for the expression of human being is the one we find in Genesis 2-3. But of course, the extension to the neighbor in need is clear.
I’ve explained for many years now that Adam and Havvah’s blindness was not a condition of not being able to see what they could see before they ate. It is the condition of what they now were looking at that distracted them from beholding all that YHVH had given them.
Tending and enjoying the the garden is no longer their focus. Committing sin removed their/our covering causing them to focused on themselves. This caused them to stop DOING what hey had been commanded to DO and redirected their work to doing for themselves. In reformed terms they had violated all the commandments of commission and omission.
It of course affected all of humanity and everyone of our relationships. As the glory departed (our relationship with YHVH ELOHIM), the marriage relationship was the next thing to be affected then our relationship with the rest of creation.
Our original glorious covering is gone. We can not DO what we’ve been commanded to Do without distraction. Now we must with great effort and resolve “Take every thought captive to the obedience of Messiah our Torah incarnate. As we walk collectively in righteousness, the Spirit clothes us (Lu 24:49 ) which give us the power to again begin to behold AND DO with less distraction, what needs to be done outside of ourselves.
That old song, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus” has a seed of reality in it. The things of earth really do grow strangely dim. I have experienced this personally.
Unfortunately it only comes occasionally and goes for long periods of time. Without a spouse and congregation in one accord who shares this mindset, that anointing/covering is impossible to live in 100% of the time. You will be tolerated but essentially dismissed as the one who isn’t all there. Kind of like when you begin to keep Torah!
I write this to encourage all of you and let you know that this life really truly is available to us.
We have both the window and the mirror in front of us. It is the word of God, our Bible. It is God’s Book of Instruction, a user’s manual God has gifted us with to teach us, every one, what it means to be fully human and fully alive. But it is up to us to “read and follow label directions..” Our obedience to Torah, the instructions of our Elohim, the words of God is where we find life. The path of obedience leads to life and to blessing, as the the second Adam,the only Perfect Man who ever lived testifies, but first there is also a narrow “Path” we must come to and pass through- and this Door is the tslav, the execution stake of Yeshua HaMashiach.
One of the first words we learn as a child (even a Hebrew child) is “mine.” We must be taught “little Johnny/Susie” to share our toys with others. Selfishness (call it self-preservation if you wish -it doesn’t matter) is built-in to the fabric of who we are- selfish and self-centered creatures. We grow up, erroneously thinking, – “it’s all about me..”- I am the epicenter of the universe. Of course, we know now.. (some of us do) we are not. This leads to “eccentric” or “off-centered” living. The wheel of life- is (bad) out of balance.. until- we discover Someone who is the center, and that Someone is the LORD Jesus (who is the) Christ. Yes, friends, Christ is the Center. The crucified-now living, center. And the cross is the focal point of His Story. The cross of Christ is the dividing line between old and new, between then and now, between Heaven and Earth, between life or death. We never (never) will be “rightly-related” to our thrice-holy Elohim or to our fellow creatures (all of them) until we become willing participants in the cross of the Chosen ONE. We must (daily) “die” to self. So long self- “see ya”- wouldn’t want to be ya.. -Self must die. This is what is looks like: (we have word-pictures to help us..) Are we listening? Hear it again-for the first time.. “NOT I BUT CHRIST”. “Not my will- BUT- Thy will be done.” Does this sound familiar? Good. For faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (His Torah). What do the scriptures say? 🙂
~I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed, but if it dies, it produces many seeds…~ (John 12.24) An interesting verse.. starting with “I tell you the truth”- Does He ever lie? Has He ever lied? Is He even capable of a lie? No- to all of the above. God cannot (ever) lie. So here is TRUTH incarnate, the LORD Jesus, saying to us (fragile, yet listening creatures)- “I tell you the truth” or verily-verily or amen-amen or “it is so- it is so” or listen up, listen up!- Truth will change your life! Amen? lol! Mark this truth: In death there is life. A rather upside-down/inside-out way of looking at things wouldn’t you say? It takes a lot of repentance to “see” this, but again -“according to the scriptures” (this is how we roll, people..) Are we listening? Good..-
~To die is gain..~ I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live.. yet not “I”, BUT Christ.. Are we beginning to understand? It is (only) Christ in you (Mr./M’am) Who is the hope of glory, the confident expectation of “beauty!” You want to see something beautiful? (So do I!) Then look for and today, “be” the body of Christ- , “both” in attitude and in actions, in beliefs and behavior, in creed and in conduct, in doctrine and in deeds. We are the body of the indwelling Christ and the future Bride of the Lamb, the “called-out” assembly, sons, stewards,soldiers and saints. (and yes, -there is “more!”)
If any man be “in Christ.” Here is the key, here is the ticket, and here it the life.. YEs,- location-location-location- “in Christ.” Are you, sir? Are you, m’am? Are you- right now- wherever the place, the situation, the circumstance might be- whether a palace or prison, in sickness or in health, in sorrow or in wealth- “in Christ?”
May we say and know.. “The LORD is “my” Shepherd, – I shall not want? Does God provide all our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus? Are the words of God true and trustworthy? Has He ever (only once) lied? Selah.
~Not my will- but Yours ~ Not what I want.. (and do I have a long list!)- but what You want. Father (our Father) does know best! And is it, (now that we belong to Him- for we are “now,” today, people) the “beloved” sons and daughters of the King!) our ‘new and improved’ hearts desire – to please our ABBA, our gracious, compassionate, merciful, patient, heavenly Father?
~ Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers (and sisters) to dwell together in unity! ~ (Psalm 133.1) Is this not the good pleasure of our prodigal Father? – The Giver of all good gifts?
Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.
O Jesus, LORD and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calvary my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.
O Jesus, LORD and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of the cross.
O Jesus, LORD and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Living for Jesus through earth’s little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.
O Jesus, LORD and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me.
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne.
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.
Thomas O. Chisholm, 1917 (translated into more than 15 languages..)
The perfect picture of today’s word. A MUST SEE
http://www.youtube.com/embed/MDOrzF7B2Kg?rel=0
Pam,
Thank you so much for this link…wow what a story!!!
I had never seen it before. There’s a huge lesson here for us. Why does it take a calamity to bring this out in us. The rest of the story is the folks who didn’t help.
“He who has found his life shall lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake shall find it.” Matthew 10:39 It fits with today’s word.
Sheep and goats.