Do You Ever Feel Like This?
Written some time ago now, but nevertheless true of parts of this journey, I thought it might be useful to share a bit of my own struggles. Just in case you thought you were all alone here.
Describing the Journey: A Declaration of In-dependence
Life is not what I wanted it to be.
I feel as though I am always doing what has to be done, not what I really want to do.
I have not pursued those things that I am most satisfied in doing – I have done those things that keep the status quo going.
Other people have not accepted me as I am. They all wanted me to be someone they wanted – and they pushed for change all the time. That’s what I mean when I say that no one really cares about me. They like me, but they want me to be someone that they imagine me to be, not who I really am. It’s much more about fulfilling their needs instead of understanding mine.
I do not believe I can live in this state of personal dissatisfaction.
Everyone expects me to just keep doing what I am doing without regard to what it makes me feel like.
There are very few times in my life when I felt as though I could do what I wanted to do without criticism.
I have been successful at very few things.
I am not content with the status quo.
Most of my life’s activities have revolved around trying to make someone else happy.
I need to be recognized for those things that I feel truly fulfill me, not those things that I do because I have to.
I am not financially rewarded for any of the things I find most fulfilling. Consequently, there is a enormous gap between the recognition I receive financially and what I find rewarding in my soul. This gap leads to a significant discouragement over my career and job performance. Even though I am paid for work I perform, the work itself is unfulfilling and so the payment has little intrinsic value.
I believe that God wants to use me for His purposes, but I have very little understanding about what those purposes are. This is quite discouraging.
I believe that my disobedience and deep rebellion stands in the way of a truly satisfying experience of God’s presence, but I find that I am unable to release this rebellion because I have no confidence that God will actually take care of me. In other words, I believe that He is capable of providing me with a fulfilling life, but I am not sure that He is willing to do so, especially since I continue to sin.
Do I really trust that if I place my future in God’s hands completely, He will provide? That’s THE question! Trust. Perhaps my greatest failure is nothing more than a symptom of my greatest need.
Skip, Oh what a timely word! Shabbat Shalom, see you soon. Shalom Simon UK
Hi, If that was or is your personal struggle then I believe ( for what it’s worth) you are on the right track. At least it’s what I am hearing from other devout believers and myself included who are feeling like this. I believe that the humility that this condition of vulnerability that we feel in our hearts produces makes us needy of God and allows us to receive the grace Yeshua so freely wants to give. Isn’ that what the prophet Isaiah is saying YHWY requires to build His Temple (in the hearts of the humble) Isaiah66;1,2. After all we aren’t supposed to be God, He is!
http://blogs.wsj.com/peggynoonan/
Scroll down and read, “I’m Still Here.”
Sure. This happens all the time- for a moment I thought you did change your occupation to being a housewife for this sounds a lot like the “cries of a discontent housewife. ” Or maid. But then it strike me that it also sound a lot like the pains of a tzassik- cool! ( except for being content)
… So what do you really, really really want to do?
Brother, you are such a blessing to us and our family and our friends. 2 Cor 4:6 For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to [give] the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.
8 [We are] troubled on every side, yet not distressed; [we are] perplexed, but not in despair;
9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;
10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.
11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.
12 So then death worketh in us, but life in you.
13 We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I believed, and therefore have I spoken; we also believe, and therefore speak;
14 Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present [us] with you.
15 For all things [are] for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.
We are so looking forward to seeing you and Rosanne. Shabbat Shalom brother.
Spent most my life there, bought the t-shirt, post card and hung the flag. Finally got set free when I found out it wasn’t all about me , sometimes still put the t-shirt on except it doesn’t fit as well as it used to. Glory! None of us are alone from the wallowing of our own selves. Thanks for sharing!
Dear brother Skip. You are such a blessing to so many of us. I suspect that what you shared in your transparency and vulnerability resonated in many who read it. When I find myself in the valleys of life, I look up relying and pleading for His great ‘Mercy.’
Wow, This could have been written by me; you have described my struggle. I do what needs to be done, not what I really want to do. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be. Thank you for being transparent enough to share your past troubles. I also fear to trust, so that is also my greatest need; it has been my biggest struggle. There is no lack on His end, it’s on mine. He is there. If I want to walk on water, I have to get out of the boat…
Hi Cindy, ditto to what you have written here, except that on many, many occasions ABBA has proven He cares for me/us, though we may not have trusted Him fully in many circumstances. HE understands us in our areas of fear.
HE is such a merciful YAH!
Shalom!
Ester, thank you for your words of support and encouragement! Just yesterday the Lord really showed up in an impossible situation and gave me what I needed to do something. It was His strength, not mine and I can’t stop thinking about it and realize how much He cared for me in that moment to answer my impassioned prayer for His help. I was desperate and out of options, and He gave me the ability I needed. It wasn’t anything earth shattering and when I told a friend about it their comment was ‘that’s neat’. It was very special to me and I am extremely grateful. He does love me and cares for even the little things. I’m beginning to see that I can trust, that He works on me little by little bringing me ever closer to Him. I just can’t think of words to fully describe how I feel right now, but it’s good. 🙂
Hi Cindy,
Thank you for sharing that. It is encouraging.
HalleluYAH!!! YHWH is always there for us! Amein!
Blessings and love to you.
The Secret of Contentment
Goat’s Milk Enough!
~ I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want ~ (Philippians 4.12)
Well Paul, – please… “Do tell!”
~ I can do all things through Him who strengthens me ~ (Philippians 4.13)
Are you “ordinary”- like me? In this age of “celebrityism” -(it’s all about me and my name and fame folks,- in case you haven’t noticed..)- it is difficult to be “obscure” and to blend in with the crowd. Is “ordinary” the enemy of “excellent?” or “outstanding?”
~ Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips ~ (Proverbs 27.2)
But then I would ask.. “Am I praiseworthy?” – or worthy of the praise.. (of strangers?)- or of those who know me?
And the answer is.. (Hallelujah)- ~Return to your rest, O my soul, For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you ~ (Psalm 116.7)
Oh yes! (He has been and is and will be) and (Yes) – I am talking’ to my “self” or my soul! (lol!)
~ And thou shalt have goats’ milk enough for thy food, for the food of thy household, and for the maintenance for thy maidens ~ (Proverbs 27.27)
What is this? “Goat’s milk enough?” ~ You will have plenty to eat, and will be fully satisfied. You will praise the Name of the LORD your God, who has performed wonders specifically for you. And my people will never be ashamed ~ (Joel 2.26)
Amen, amen and amen! Has God been good to me? Friends.. please, – I must testify – I must tell someone..- it not right for one man to be so “blessed” and not to praise the One who is “praiseworthy”- the very Giver of every good and perfect gift! God has been (and continues to be) – (are you listening to what I am saying?)- SO GOOD to me!
If only..
If only I would STOP. And REMEMBER. God has “worked wonders” – (yes) for me. Who yielded His life, an atonement for sin?- and opened the “life-gate” that all may go in? ~ What is His Name and what is His Son’s Name – if you can tell it!
~ And that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all- how shall He not with HIm also freely give us all things? ~
Uhh.. what things are those? “only”- ALL things that pertain unto life (yes, this one) and godliness! (2 Peter 1.3)
Whatever we need- we (already) have! -or- God will provide.
How do we know this?
Uhh.. ~ what do the scriptures say? ~
~ But my God… “might”..supply? No, not at all.. It does say, “but my God WILL supply “some” of your need..” Nope. Let’s try this again- shall we?
~ But my God will supply ALL your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus! ~ And that, dear friends, calls for a Heaven sent Hallelujah!
and?- My heart can sing, when I “pause to remember” (Selah) – a heartache here – is but a “stepping stone!” Along the trail- that’s winding “always upward,” – this trouble world is NOT my final home!- BUT “until then..” my heart will go on singing.. “until then” -with JOY I’ll “carry on”
Blessed. Blessed. Blessed is the Name of the LORD!!
and.. “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
― C.S. Lewis
Meanwhile- (back on the planet)- ~ my heart is fixed O God, my heart is fixed, – I will sing and give praise.~ (Psalm 57.7)
I will sing praise, I will lift my voice,
I will sing praise, I’ve made my choice.
I will sing praise in all I do.
I will sing praise to You.
No matter the storms that come my way,
No matter the trials I may face,
You promised that You would see me through.
So, I will trust in You.
One who never fails!
Then.. ~ Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disturbed within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God ~ (Psalm 42.11)
~ For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the LORD.. ~ (Jeremiah 30.17)
another Hallelujah!
I understand and identify with your struggles. When we consider our lack of complete trust…..has He ever let us down??? I so appreciate your writings, your ministry, although at times I am bewildered, I am learning soooo much and am truly blessed by God’s truth that is being revealed. I really feel as though I am hungering and thirsting for righteousness. It is satisfying my soul and I want to pass it on.
Hopefully those struggles that we all experience will lessen as that ‘old decaying man on our backs’ gradually falls away as our dear Lord prepares us for the wedding of all weddings.
Are you sure Abraham or Moses or Jeremaiah didn’t write this?
😉
Dear Skip,
Your note today made me laugh out loud. Aren’t we a piece of work?
He says He calls the “baser” of people, and we are ALL the “baser” of people, The Great ones just don’t know it yet!
What freedom it brings to be the lesser.
LOVED IT!
THANKS.
ellie agee
Someone always seems to be giving me an offer I can’t refuse
Starting in the morning with my dog Max
You hit a home run with that one with me! Thanks, I thought I was all alone.
Paul
Goodness Skip, I could have written this myself, almost verbatim. Almost shocking to me that it is so close to my own thoughts.
Amen v’Amen.
Amen v’Amen.
I read this as your prayer and plea to HaShem for His touch and His Hand guiding you in the way in which you go that fills your heart. I agree with you in this prayer for you, myself all the others that struggle with these feelings as well. May you be blessed and filled with His light and love.
Shavua Tov.
I like this story. I share the site for the story, not all the comments around it.
I think it says some deep things about over expanding, and our happiness
being in this simple things that we leave behind.
whoops, here it is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgxTwWwAvM0
Could not have put it any better – exactly how I feel and am sure a lot of others do too.
I am absolutely stunned, especially as I have just begun listening to your teaching on being human with my small group. I also relate entirely to what you have written. In fact, I could just substitute my name for yours. I am really sorry that you feel like this. You have really got me thinking about you, especially in the light of what you wrote and that I am going through the Zone Analysis process with John right now.
Thanks brother Skip for being so open. Very refreshing and differant from what i believed. .
Receive the Lord, walk in His ways and you and your
family will live forever with the Lord. So gratefull to you for being real. Would appreciate your prayers, as i definetly am not there yet.
Love in Jesus to all the brethren
sister carolyn