Addendum to H.A.L.T.
After Delbert
His melody bloodied my soul
The words were arrows of despair
The rhythm brought only tears
No agony relieved my care
I shook, unable to withstand
The tide of helplessness
That carried me from promised land
To truth I could not bear
“I never lost you.
You were never mine.”
That afternoon the rain wept down
The afternoon the sky collapsed
Clouds of desperation fell upon my isolation
Drained away the consolation
In great puddles of tormenting memory
I knew the loss of endlessly
Remembering.
“I never lost you.
You were never mine.”
No matter steeled mental walls
No matter madness as I run
From this dread place there’s no escape.
I swore to never find it true,
To gain high ground and hold control,
But true will not befriend me now
I am undone.
“I never lost you.
You were never mine.”
23 Dec 1997
Delbert?
McClinton – go listen to his song
ahhh. ok.
Another masterpiece, Skip. Thank you.
I was told that there is one word addicts do not know: enough.
An addiction, by definition, is something that someone cannot lay down by an act of their will. Captured and enslaved.
This gives another dimension to that.
I am beginning to understand that a heavy load could well be a load that is not of God, because Yeshua stated that the loads from Him are a: “light”, and b. shared (“yoked”). If I find myself staggering and all alone, I have begun to realize that maybe I should be acting like Balaam’s donkey. Stop. Or maybe more like David’s sheep. “Baaaaa!”
I remember complaining about how ‘hard’ something was in one of my conversations with YHVH, and I heard this voice in my heart just as clear as a bell: “Put it back on the shelf. It is not yours. It is Mine. You are stealing.”! I dropped that problem like a hot rock and have not been tempted to pick it up since!
By the way, thank you so much for the Psalm 23 teaching. It has shown me another ‘burden’ in my life that is not ‘mine’. I have decided that if I am going to act like a sheep about it, no sheep in their right mind would even consider trying to deal with it. So I have handed it over, not to be taken back again unless I am given it from His hand. Because I know if He wants me to deal with it, He will give me the wherewithal to do it. Heaven, I have realized, does not issue unfunded mandates. If it is too heavy, then it probably was not meant for me to carry. Heavy, in fact, may well even be designed to make me weary so that I will realize that I should do something different with it. Easier to drop. Easier to turn over. Heavy, in fact, can make things easier if I am going to forsake it and turn around in the right direction. Oh. That’s repentance time. I think I recognize that place!
If I do not relinquish ‘ownership’ of something, I may not be ‘giving’ Him the room He requires to deal with it. Time to act like that sheep again! Halleluah!