HARD LESSONS
Scott Peck was right. Life is difficult. But perhaps it is difficult in a different way than he imagined. He noted that our expectations of comfort and pleasure are at odds with the reality of true fulfillment. Real life comes from the willingness to live for something bigger than myself (Heschel). That means sacrifice at its deepest level. The rabbis say that a man does not know the Torah until it has seared him. Most of us do not want the pain of being branded even if we know that the brand is the sign of God’s care. That makes real living the knife-edge of agony. I must be cut deeply before I can heal.
In the years of this journey, a few hard lessons have become apparent. I thought I might share mine so you can add yours.
- Most of the time I feel alone. While I know that others are walking the same road, few seem to share the same pain and the same hope. I know what it means to be rejected by the larger community of “believers.” That seems to be part of the surgery and it comes with little anesthetic. I know that I could capitulate and be welcomed back as a returning prodigal, but that road is the way of delusion for me now. This road hurts but it is the only one I can walk.
- I am sick of being a good person. I desperately want to find a place where I can shout, “Depart from me for I am a sinner,” and be understood for all that this means. My life among others is constantly oppressed by pretense. How I want to be holy—and how unholy I truly am! Is there no place for a man like me, tortured by the weight of forgiveness, agonizing over my desire to please Him and all the time knowing how frequently I fail? Where is the community of the honest and vulnerable? Why must I fight hiding from myself to the point of exhaustion? I know Adam’s “fig leaves” are merely posturing but I also know that confession filets me. Confession cuts away the only skin I have, leaving my soul raw and bloody. I am sick of being a good person and afraid of being anything else.
- I know God loves me, but far too often my head outruns my heart. I need to feel that He loves me. The love of God is useless theology unless He provides the power to change from good to holy. And it’s of little consolation that I will be righteous in the olam ha’ba. I don’t live in the olam ha’ba. I live here—in Babylon—where I have to deal with my shame at being less than the King commands and less than my heart desires. Who can deliver me from the body of this death? Yes, I know what Paul says next but what he says next must be more than a theological doctrine. I am exhausted from doctrine.
- Most Scripture confronts me these days. I used to run to the Bible for comfort. Now I find the words not only challenge me, they force me to look into a mirror without masquerade. There are times when I simply can’t read the text it hurts so badly. The cool waters of Ein Gedi offer relief but I am standing in the desert and Ein Gedi seems like a dream.
- Will I abandon the quest in order to find solace in the love of the unknowing ones? I am sorely tempted. But since I know I cannot go back, my personal demons offer a different kind of relief—the relief of numbing my conscience. I have a constant guilt headache. I want to use the ring of power to escape the reality of self-denial. Jeremiah’s words are truer of me today than ever before. I fear I am losing the only deliverance possible for such a sick soul.
- Joy comes, but from the oddest places. I see the hand of God in the creation. I hear Him whisper in the hurricane. I am touched by the pathos of the cries of a child. My heart is still alive. I know it because there are times when I simply cannot hold back the tears, but I cry without knowing why. I am living on the edges of reason in order to find God in the wilderness.
- I know my Redeemer lives. But it has been a long time since I felt His arm around me. Abraham and I are compatriots waiting for YHVH. And we both made the mistakes that send Him away. Now my heart cries for a glace from the true King just as David cried. The men and women of the Bible are becoming really human for me. Their patina as the great cloud of witnesses has been removed. I know them in pain and suffering. But I am no longer certain I can look upon the agony in the Garden without dying.
- In the end, I know I must die. That tiny bit of me that still clings to the life I used to have, to the dreams and hopes and schemes of the yetzer ha’ra, must die. I must be burned up on the altar in order to be a sweet savor to the Lord. I am ashamed that I hesitate. But I am afraid. I know that I must carry the ring back to its source in order to destroy it. And I know that I must carry it alone. But I am afraid.
- I am reminded again and again of the comments on prayer in The Complete ArtScroll Siddur. The true purpose of prayer “is to raise the level of the supplicants by helping them develop true perceptions of life so that they can become worthy of His blessing. . . Prayer is a process of self-evaluation, self-judgment; a process of removing oneself from the tumult of life to a little corner of truth and refastening the bonds that tie one to the purpose of life.”[1] I want to be worthy of His blessing. The parable of the great debtor scares me. This means that my struggle to pray is really a reflection of the struggle for integrity and purpose in my own life. Prayer acts as the mirror of my deepest character and the fact that I find it so difficult to communicate with God without distraction only indicates how much of the deepest part of me is also wandering. Prayer is painfully refreshing. It is painful because in prayer I discover who I am; weak, inconsistent, unworthy of blessing. It is refreshing because in prayer I find the glimmer of hope, the traces of rest, the faint smell of acceptance that I so long to know in full. There are times when I simply wish I could devote myself to prayer. That is my desire, but as soon as I begin I find the cacophony of mental shrapnel bombarding every thought of God. I give up too easily, hoping that somehow God will still listen to my pathos.
The life is not for everyone. Perhaps the narrow gate is even too narrow for me. I pray not.
What I miss most of all is Him. We don’t talk very much. I am sure He wants to listen. I am too ashamed to enter the conversation. Too tired to continue it. Too confused to know what to say except this: “Lord, have mercy upon me.”
If you’ve read this far, you probably are waiting for a turn for the better. You are looking for some theological affirmation of restoration, some comfort, some light at the end of the tunnel. You’re right to want this. I suspect that when each of us looks deeper into our rebellion, our unwillingness to submit, our fight with God to have at least some of life our way, we experience another biblical event, the encounter at the Jabbok. In those recesses of the soul that only mysterious strangers in the middle of the night can reach, we fight to the point of defeat, and even in defeat are unwilling to admit it. We will not let go even if God Himself injures us for life. Perhaps Brad Young is right. In the end faith is tenacity, the dogged perseverance of the will to live. Perhaps we are more like Jacob than Abraham, manipulative, compromising, legalistic, self-serving. But Jacob was still loved by his Lord. Even when he would not let go!
If there is promise in the lessons we have learned, perhaps it is this.
Alone, beleaguered, confused, defeated, emotional, foolish, guarded, horrified, illuminated, jaundiced, languorous, melancholy, needy, open, penitent, questioning, relinquishing, shameful, tenderhearted, undaunted, valued, worn, yearning and zealous, we will not let go.
Perhaps the hardest of the hard lessons is simply that faithfulness demands all, for God and for me. Faith is a zero-sum game, consuming every bit of who I am. That’s why faith seems like death. What I will be on the other side of the grave is uncertain. All that I know now is that dying is the only hope I have of living.
[1] The Complete ArtScroll Siddur, p. XIII
Thank you! You said it all…
Oh Skip!!! As the tears I am shedding burn the surface of my cheeks, I am stenghthened in knowing that we are one body. I was led to read 1Cor.12 this morning. Thank you for being who you are, and sharing life in Messiah with who I am at the core of The body. I rejoice that the dry bones (of the body) are promised sinew, (renewed) skin, and breath. We are resurrected to life and we stand, an exceedingly great army. Yahshua calls us out of the grave like Lazarus, yet He left His friend in the grave for a while so that YHVH is glorified. How very refreshing your honest, and humble comments are in this post! We who are called in the spirit of Elijah, understand the dry wilderness and know where the Rock is to refresh us with living waters. We sometimes flee to a prophet’s cave, but only to re-appraise, and when we emerge, we return to the message. We live and die and live again because to do so is to be His body in the earth. YHVH has put His breath in us to call others out of the grave. A place we understand all too well. We must continually take up our stake and follow Yahshua. Aren’t life’s hard lessons the identity and intimacy we can share with my redeemer? Isn’t He Wonder Counselor, Mighty G-d, Eternal Father, Prince of Shalom (completeness). Your post here is really our treatise of dedication to this life in Him. Your post, on Tevet 18, parasha Shemot, should be all of the body’s declaration to Whom we dedicate our flesh in this month following the feast of Dedication. This Hanukkah season has been the revealing of Maccabean type warfare for our family against the dominions, principalities and forces of darkness. A nation of His people awaits the victory! The Light of the Menorah illuminates the darkness! So fight on sweet brother, fight! Chazak, Chazak, Venischazeik! We bear one another’s armor, for such a time as this!
Skip and I have talked about my views on what he shared about his deep and oft distress. Pretty much everything about Skip is contrarian so it seems appropriate to offer a contrarian view. I am a big fan of Skip as he well knows. At the risk of sounding braggart I am one his biggest financial supporters. So what follows is not out of disagreement with what Skip has discovered and writes so eloquently and intelligently about.
However, just like Skip helps us see very different possible translations and meanings based on understanding the time, place and historical mindset of the writer, let me offer a different possible translation or interpretation of what Skip writes about here.
I was a college scholarship athlete and VP of my fraternity. I was raised Catholic but had rejected it in favor of a life of sin. I had a radical conversion experience while a sophomore in 1972. 6-8 weeks after my conversion I began to experience something I had never experienced before in my life. I gradually sunk into deep depression, weird anxiety and insomnia. Because of my conversion I interpreted all of this as both an attack of Satan and God’s dealing with me to alter my character and behavior. I became a person who prayed and read my Bible all the time, seeking God to understand what I was experiencing and what He was trying to say to me. I learned my Bible extremely well. None of this relieved how I felt and what I was experiencing.
This went on almost unabated for over 35 years with some periods where it mostly lifted only to return. I sought prayer and laying on of hands regularly. I sat through numerous sessions for prayer for deliverance from demons. My situation remained. Numerous times I considered suicide.
The book of Job was my model. I came to fear reading the Bible because I saw my shortcomings and failures as a Christian. But I would read and pray anyway as it was the only source of hope of relief from Satan’s attacks and God’s chastisement on my life.
A different possible interpretation began to form in 1987 when I came under the care of a doctor who believed I was suffering from multiple nutritional deficiencies and burden of suffering from a toxic overload of heavy metals and chronic latent infection. That started a multiple decade of learning about health, nutrition and the cause of chronic conditions. Very gradually I began to pull out of my deep mental and physical condition over the next decade and a half.
The final huge discovery came about 8 years ago when i finally went to the Amen Clinic (how appropriately named) for a brain scan. Reading my brain scans the doctor asked me “when were you in a car accident?” I was stunned. I asked, “you can see that simply from looking at my scans?” He said, “yes, it is very obvious.” I had long suspected but was unable to prove that my emotional and mental issues may well be related to a severe rear end accident I had about 6-8 weeks before I began to experience my extreme difficulties in 1972. However, in that accident I had no apparent injury. I was not knocked out. There was no bleeding. But, in fact, I had sustained a TBI – Traumatic Brain Injury. Typical to such an injury, the symptoms began to show up 6-8 weeks later.
The doctor prescribed a couple of “off label” meds that over the next few weeks totally relieved my symptoms and have continued to do so to this day. No longer is Satan attacking me or is God chastising me for my great sins. I now experience a sense that God is on my side and loves me deeply. I worship him freely and feel his approval on my life. Certainly I am still a sinner saved by His love but I no longer fall into deep despair over the shortcomings in my life. Perhaps I should but it seems so unnecessary as repentance restores me rapidly to the sense of His presence and approval.
The moral of the story was I was interpreting the results of a car accident (and numerous other health issues) as God’s dealings and Satan’s attacks. This was easy for me to do as the accident coincided so closely to the time of my conversion. BUT I WAS WRONG for 3 decades of what I interpreted as spiritual suffering. Just like we have all learned from Skip, Christianity misinterpreted the historical writings of Paul, Peter, James, Matthew etc with extreme negative results.
When I read of Skips and others deep struggles I find myself asking the exact same thing as Karen Thomas above. “…Todays Word camp making it much more complicated than it needs to be.” I believe we are often simply wrong in our interpretation.
I wrote a book about my physical struggles that you can get for free here http://www.jigsawhealth.com/newsletter/. Trust that this is NOT an advertisement. Skip is well aware that this i not the case. My book as helped many thousands unravel the causes of their sufferings. The fact is that most of us struggle mentally and emotionally (spiritually!!) from the results of things RADICALLY different than God’s dealings. Nutritional deficiencies, overloads of toxins, TBI both mild and severe and exposure to moldy buildings are all VERY COMMON. Those of us who are seeking God are highly likely to misinterpret the depression and other severe symptoms as God’s dealings with us. When these conditions don’t leave when we sincerely seek God, to me is almost virtual/certain proof that we are indeed misinterpreting the cause of our despair. I have seen too many spiritual people get huge relief as they uncovered the real cause of their distress.
Don’t misunderstand me. God’s chastisement on His children is real. Satan’s attacks are real. But God’s response to repentance and seeking Him is also CERTAIN. He does respond absolutely to our cries for help. That does not mean it comes immediately but it does come ala even Job. To say we are like Job is actually pretty arrogant when you consider it. He was a man chosen by God because he walked virtually perfect and God allowed Satan access to his life. Personally, I cannot compare myself to the righteousness of Job.
When it seems there is never relief, I believe you HAVE to question what is actually the source of your distress. God is just far more faithful that that! But I believe that he won’t overrule distress caused by physical factors that are the result of our own failures to make sure we are nutritionally sound, mostly free of the toxins prevalent in our fallen world, and basically “healed” from injuries we have sustained. Those are like gravity. Jump from a building and you will fall no matter how much you pray, repent and study your Bible. God invented gravity to work and it faithfully does. Same with our bodies. It works incredibly well unless it lacks what it needs, or can’t get rid of something that injures it. And the results are quite often EXACTLY like what we read about saintly biblical people who are in fact in distress for spiritual causes. It is far too easy for us to place ourselves in their spiritual situations. But we are sometimes (often? -yes I believe so) simply and totally WRONG!
Certainly MUCH good actually came from my intense and long term struggles. Indeed God turned my experience into “all things work for good to them who love God…” My experience and book has helped many. Bless God! So PLEASE make sure your own distress, you so readily ascribe to your failings and sin is not something you are actually misinterpreting just like we all misinterpreted Scripture for most of our lives and Christianity has misinterpreted for these many decades.
Shalom!
Forgive the length of the above but let me add just one practical example. Take Magnesium as an example of what a deficiency can do. Our own gov’t, which is generally extremely negative about the idea that nutritional deficiencies can even exist in our alleged well fed country, has reported that likely well over 68% of Americans are deficient. Mg is only found in nuts and green leafy vegetables. Something most people don’t eat a lot of.
Mg is totally needed in over 330 KNOWN things in the body. Those 330 enzymatic reactions are totally dependent on Mg being present in adequate quantities. Every neurotransmitter is dependent on Mg for it’s manufacture. Little Mg, little neurotransmitters produced.
I can confidently state that if you are deficient in just this one biochemical you will feel badly in MANY ways. And because we often think in terms of spiritual issues, we can readily ascribe our “emotionally and mentally felt” problems to spiritual causes. And yet we are horribly wrong.
Yes, got it. Thanks. Something I can act on daily.
Pat, I thank you for your testimony. Every little piece of the puzzle is important. Thank you for the link, too.
I keep waiting for the day that we learn how not to think that the Law regarding the physical aspects of life is any less pertinent than the parts regarding how we think or act. If we are truly nephesh, then how we treat our bodies and minds IS every bit as important as how we treat our souls, in fact, is just another way OF treating our souls! Waiting, waiting, ……… Thank you, brother.
This is definitely down my lane 🙂 Organic Chia Seeds are high in magnesium, which helps in dealing with stress too. Taken in the morning with Super Greens-wheat and barley grass, spirulina and chorella, provides an energy and nutrition drink for the day. Emphasis is on Certified Organic!
Just came back to this tonight and read Pat’s post…YES! Skip PLEASE place yourself under the care of an Alternative Doctor that has a strong history of success. I have a soap box especially labeled for just this subject! Your physical body takes a beating when continually exposed to chemicals (which we are whether we know it or not-especially through the genetically modified foods we eat) and through the stress of emotional issues that tell our brain to program our bodies for destruction – we don’t need a physical impact to our head – our emotions can handle that quite well. Science is best at proving the Word. As Proverbs 23 explains..the person you really are is found in your thoughts – not necessarily in what you say. If your thoughts are filled with self hatred, insecurity and stress your body will begin to develop inflammation in the weakest areas which then open that area to cancers or other issues. Think of your body as a prized garden – that gardener will provide the soil all of the best it needs for it’s location to grow the best fruit. Your body is your garden..your organs and body functions are the fruit. Your body’s needs are its own – not always like everyone else’s needs. A thorough holistic examination needs to be done to determine your personal needs. Pat mentioned Magnesium – oh my, Magnesium is saving my life. When my mother passed away I was in an Alternative Health College program. I made a list of all of the health issues she had been dealing with – heart, glaucoma, other eye issues fluid retention and did my research…every one signaled she was too low in Magnesium. About the same time a Naturopath told me that the difference between your teeth and chalk is Magnesium. I’d always had trouble with my teeth – keeping them healthy..as did my mother and my son. I immediately began a regimen of Mag..
I’ve not had a cavity in 15 years – since that time. Even more important..I no longer had the heart palpitations I suffered with all through childhood. Magnesium is, as Pat says, one of the most important minerals for our bodies. Gall and kidney stones form, in many cases, when there is not enough Magnesium to break down the calcium. Oh…wait…I’m pulling out the soap box…darn…hate when I do that! There are different kinds of Mag – some will have you living in the bathroom – others will not have that effect – just takes working it through. Once you begin to have stronger physical health- it will be easier to think good thoughts instead of poisoned ones….but that is the next issue you will need to resolve. I believe Paul said it very well to the Philippians, whether he was talking about their physical health being important or not. “Keep working out your deliverance with respect for God’s order in your weakness.” (Amplification my own) It will take time but He will help you and the things you learn working your way through will amaze you. I speak from personal experience. When your brain is locked in sadness and defeat it is much like being buried in a deep hole with big rocks on top of you. One by one, piece by piece and you will be uncovered….and the hands that help you the most are the great big Ones above you. He’s ready to pull rocks off of you – do what I did and work with Him – He’s awesome! Bless you Skip-you can do it!
Well, Patrick Sullivan, THAT LONG AND SHORT POST WERE MAGNIFICENT! I RECALL THAT YOU WERE FOR YEARS SKIP’S TECH GEEK, AND YOUR MOTHER I REMEMBER WAS ONE OF SKIP’S GRADUATE STUDENTS. HER NAME ELUDES ME NOW. I AM NEARING 82 YEARS AND HAVE BEEN READING SKIP FROM NEAR THE BEGINNING. SOME TIMES IN THE EARLIER DAYS I REPLIED, BUT ALWAYS READ/ AND STILL DO.
I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU WROTE SO MUCH; AS WHEN SKIP WRITES SOMETHING LIKE THIS TODAY; SO MANY PEOPLE IN MY OPINION, “BOW DOWN TO WORSHIP HIM”, INSTEAD OF GRASPING THE LARGER PICTURE. I HAVE REFUSED TO DO THAT. SO YOUR ARTICLE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE IN THE MUCH LARGER PICTURE.
I ALSO REMEMBER THAT A FEW YEARS AGO, YOU MARRIED, AND HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED IF THAT MARRIAGE HAS BEEN A GOOD ONE. ALL I KNEW WAS THAT WITH ALL THE MONEY YOU MUST EARN WAS A LOT, AS YOU GAVE THE LARGEST AMOUNT TO TODAY’S WORD. I WAS THANKFUL THAT YOU DID .GIVE SO GENEREOUSLY; AS MY HUSBAND AND I ALWAYS MADE A VERY MINIMUM AMOUNT, RAISED A LARGE FAMILY, AND THEN HAD A ONE ON ONE MININSTRY WITH ZERO FINANCIAL HELP WITH IT AFTER RETIREMENT, AND SKIP NEVER STOPPED ME FROM RECEIVING AND BEING A PART OF THIS, WHICH I APPRCIATE SO VERY MUCH
. MY HUSBAND OF NEAR 61 YEARS DEPARTED THIS WORLD IN JUNE OF 2013. THE STORMS HAVE PUSHED AND STIRRED MY LIFE GREATLY SINCE THEN, BUT THE LORD HAS BEEN SO FAITHFUL AS I CRIED OUT TO HIM..
PLEASE FORGIVE ME WRITING IN CAPS, I AM NOT YELLING AT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE, BUT HAVE SUCH POOR LIGHTING AND ALSO EYESIGHT, THAT I MUST SO I CAN SEE WHAT I WRITE. AGAIN THANKS FOR WRITING YOUR POST–SO SENSIBLE– SINCERELY, LAVAYE BILLINGS DOWN IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!
LaVaye,
In the years of my reading TW and many of the comments, I have always appreciated and been blessed by your input. (If I may say it this way) As an elder of the community, you have gained much wisdom and we have a long way to grow. Hearing your voice again on TW brought me some joy.
Curtis H, I thank you for your comment; not many young people want to hear “octogenarians ” speak .! Please forgive me, but I do not recall what you have written in the past. Give me something of your background, interest & /or a time frame you could have written. It may have been during my husband’s illness, and his departing ‘” olam ha ba”. However; what really caught my eye on your post above is ” hearing your voice on TW, gave me some joy”. “JOY” is a such a beautiful Word, which comes with such different meanings. In many of the much older Bibles, they have excellent concordances. I had one that was in a Bible that we literally wore out after many years of usage, and the children grew older and made some money they bought us new Bibles, but not one had a C. that was as good. So eventually, I took the C. out of the first one, and now use it at my desk with any Bible that I am using. Once I did a study on the word: JOY, it was such a worthwhile lasting study, And the Lord truly gave me “joy” through that seeking, searching, studying of The Word
. Check these out and more of course: 1. Neh. 8:10 2. Ps.30: 3.Lule 24:41 4.Hebrews 12:2 Dwell on these, ask the Lord to give you great JOY, and to be able to pass in on to those in your life. If you will write again, and I see it, I will give you a very neat story on Joy that happened one year ago in my life, as I was shopping with my daughter when we were very rushed to get out of the area in Houston.
Remember, to be what you are, and be honest to yourself and before others, rejoice in each hour and tell Him all about it; either vocally or aloud, or written. Reach out to others in kindness with your thoughtful actions and small deeds. Speak to the Lord about what your needs are. My own large family, whom none live very close to me, (but we are very close to each other by phone, e-mail, mail, visits when possible) have a saying Sincerely,. L.B.
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Curtis, I did not get the “saying” that I did write, but lost, I DEFINETLEY NEED THE Capital letters to see how to write!, Tthe Saying is ;” ONCE A TEACHER, ALWAYS A TEACHER! BUT I TRY NOT TO BE UNBEARING WITH THAT TITLE. L.B.
Hi LaVaye, I’LL POST IN UPPERCASE IF IT HELPS YOUR READING. (TECHNICAL NOTE: IF YOU WANT BIGGER LETTERS, YOU CAN USUALLY HOLD DOWN “Ctrl” AND “+”. TO MAKE IT NORMAL AGAIN, HOLD DOWN “Ctrl” AND “0” ).
I’VE BARELY COMMENTED MUCH IN THE PAST 5 YEARS OF READING TW. USUALLY, I CATCH UP ON THE TW’S THAT I’VE MISSED AND WHEN I DO FEEL LIKE COMMENTING, IT’S A FEW DAYS OLD AND EVERYONES MOVED ON TO THE CURRENT TW. NEAR THE BEGINNING OF JANUARY AMANDA POSTED ABOUT THE FAMILIAR PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY WONDERING WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES. IT MADE ME ALSO THINK ABOUT A FEW NAMES THAT I ALSO REMEMBER AND OCCASIONALLY PRAYED FOR–INCLUDING YOURS. IT’S TOO EASY TO BE IN THE SHADOWS IN A DIGITAL COMMUNITY AND TOO EASY TO LEAVE WITHOUT A CONNECTION.
THANKYOU FOR THE VERSES ABOUT JOY, ESPECIALLY NEHEMIAH–IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL STORY AND I’VE ALWAYS BEEN DEEPLY MOVED BY THEIR RETURN TO TORAH.
“Remember, to be what you are, and be honest to yourself and before others”. THAT’S SOME OF THE HARDEST ADVICE AND SOMETHING I’VE STRIVE FOR–AND FORGOTTEN MORE RECENTLY. THANKS FOR THE REMINDER.
Thanks so much for the technical help; I just used now, and it worked. something I had not been taught before, or at least did not learn it, so I appreciate the information a lot.
I also found some great information on the book of Nehemiah yesterday in a book that has for fifty-five years given me a wealth of information; it is Harper’s Bible Dictionary by Madeleine S. Miller and J. Lane Miller ( in consultation with eminent authorities) Harper & Brothers, Publisher the first copyright was 1952.
I doubt that you could find a copy, but the search would be well worth checking on line, and in estate sales, and old books wherever they are.
This copy was given to our son, when he was about 12 years old by two extremely serious & dedicated SS teachers in our Southern Baptist Church. Not among the normal group of SB; and probably they have departed this world now, but did they give our family a gift of love! It has been used so many times, and taught all of us so much. This copy has my son’s name in it, and he always uses it when he comes, and I have written inside that it belongs to him when I am not able to use it.
To me this is just one more testimony of God’s Greatness, and His Love for each of us; no matter where/what we are; if we are “seeking with all our hearts, souls, minds, we will find Him– that verse goes all the way to the Old Testament to one of my favorite books: Jeremiah, which is also the longest book in the Bible. But, it is not written in chronological order; but if you have a good Study Bible, it will put the chapters in order. Jeremiah 29: 11-13 especially but context is important and reading/studying the area around the chapters you are focusing on helps a lot. These verses go back to Deuteronomy 4:29.
Now, back to the book of Nehemiah; Yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed reviewing it, especially with the drawings and information in the Bible Dictionary; we used it years ago in teaching children.
I must prepare some food for myself. I am trying to eat somewhat a good diet, even if minimal, and so far through and since my husband’s departure; it has worked okay. I feel very blessed with decent health at my age, and my children are able afar to keep on with their jobs, families, and “doing” whatever the Lord shows each family. We are planning in due season that I will have a “cottage” next to one daughter. They are very scattered from SF Bay Area, Tucson, St. Louis, Tampa, Florida, and on an Organic Farm with sheep, animals of all types, vegetable gardens, fruit trees, and pets! I am just asking the Lord for me NOT to have to live with/ or near that one. I am a yard, herb, flower, tree gardener; but not animals!
Thanks again for the tech information. L.B.
Lavaye, I am actually the father of Patrick Sullivan, Skips former Tech Geek. He has been my geek for a very long time! It was my son who first introduced me to Skip’s writings. Patrick’s marriage is extremely good I am happy to report.
PAT SULLIVAN, WOW, THANKS FOR THE UPDATE ON WHO YOU ARE! One of my quotes is ” Well, there is always one more thing to learn! You are blessed to have such a good son, and one with a good marriage, I am very happy to hear
I also have a great son, he is the oldest of four, and then later he had two sons; when they were little, he said to me, “Look, Mom, what God gave me, I looked and saw my two precious grandsons, then he added, “that was the reward for putting up with three sisters and all their girl friends”.
I lost what I was writing, but it seems to have gone to the right place . Our son is now sixty years old, and is an Avionics Engineering with a small long time business in AZ; this past week, his son, one of our grandsons, and his wife gave birth to a baby girl. So they are learning to be parents! She is an attorney of law, and their first child, and our son and wife’s first grandchild. Now, I (we, my departed husband) have eight great-grand children. I do not think anyone ever even thinks of being great-anything, and I am sure not bragging , just surprised that I have lived so long to see this many “greats”.! Life is full of surprises!
May the Lord continue to bless you and your family! L.B.
Skip, thank you for trusting us with your heart. You have touched mine and I am both comforted in your understanding and saddened in the knowing that many I deeply love will not join me. Appreciating you with my heart.
Shalom,
Another Traveler
Skip,
Thank you for sharing your heart, your pain, and your desires. I am grateful for your many efforts and teaching that you provide to TW. I would not be where I am today without it. Where am I today? I am still a sinner, still missing the mark daily, but it is in the trying, repenting, and the forward movement towards His righteousness that is the journey. I agree with Teresa that my words feel empty here when a hug and quality one-on-one time is so much better. I only have a relationship with you with words on electronic paper. I cannot see your tears. I cannot see your pain (unless you write about it). I cannot possibly know your heart truthfully (only YHVH can). I can only know you through your words, teachings and videos. I cannot look you in the eye and say, how are you really doing? I cannot read your body language. I am an introvert generally, but it is my human interaction and body language that tattles on me to my wife and my mishpacha when something is not right. I can hide this electronically. I am not suggesting you are hiding anything, but I pray you have your own mishpacha that you see regularly and they SEE you. The road is narrow, maybe even tight-rope narrow in the description above. You need to take some brothers and sisters with you on the journey (in person) so when they fall off, you know where the edge is…. Ok, not really, but “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Shalom
Mark
from my journal, January 8, 2015…
“powerless, lazy, hopeless, ugly, uncomfortable, fat, disgusting, sad, discouraged, un-anchored, fake, purposeless, lost, unconnected, alone…”
Skip, I so appreciate the depth of your emotion and writing…seems to be universal among those that strive to follow the instructions of Torah.
I long for the days of ignorance when I felt “powerful, disciplined, hopeful, beautiful, comfortable, skinny, appealing, happy, encouraged, anchored, real, purposeful, found, connected, not alone…”
I have to hold on to the hope that the reward will be worth it…otherwise why try?
Sandy
l love to see and read all the open sharing and encouragement poured out here! Skip, I think I find myself in much of your heartache. I struggle to read the Word because I don’t feel like I can trust it any more. I question if the promises are for me, are the words truly as they were meant to be understood, if they are untainted I wonder if I am learning anything from the stories and words I’ve read a hundred times… and I miss the warmth and embrace of ABBA. A relationship that seemed so close before now feels distant and cold because I just can’t wrap my head around who He is, how to worship him (and how to worship Yeshua, or not), whether I can trust His words (or ARE they his words?). I know that He loves me, but I also long to feel it more. Part of me wants to cry out with Moshe, “Show me your glory,” but I know full well that I would perish because I am not worthy of all that awesomeness. I worry that when I comment here, I will appear foolish or ignorant (or perhaps I will be seen more as I am… more confused than confident), yet I know that’s part of the journey.
Thank you for pouring out your hard lessons. I think most of us are also learning those lessons. We will walk the journey with you and perhaps lessen the burden together. 🙂
Shalom (truly)!
Thank you for Today’s Word. I really enjoy it. I only wish I could read it more often and participate more in the discussions. That being said this particular entry says some much and I believe we all feel most of this at some point in our walk. But just like me I thought I was the only one. Shalom Alechim.