At the Edge of the World
Today my wife and I talked about the sadness I have been experiencing. She spoke about her concern. “How can I not be sad when my own husband is struggling so much?” she asked. I replied, “What I know is that God is dealing with wounds in my life, wounds that have been a part of me since long before I met you. I have cried a lot of tears in the last few weeks while I was traveling alone. But I am asking you now, please don’t try to fix this. It’s not about you although I know it affects you. But I need to cry about the deep hurts. I need to face them. If you try to fix my sorrow and my hurt, you will only delay that healing process. I have to cry if I am going to resolve my struggles. It’s OK. It’s part of the place God is taking me. Just let it be.”
I am reminded of something Oswald Chambers wrote. If we rush in to relieve someone’s pain, we often inadvertently prevent God from taking that person through the suffering in order to be healed. In our desire to promote happiness for the other, we act as a little god, forestalling what YHVH intends. Tears are a necessary part of spiritual growth. They are not always bad. In fact, without tears of heartache there probably can’t be tears of joy.
So, let it be. God knows what He is doing. Yes, it’s difficult to see someone you love agonize, weep, be discouraged, but who are you to step into God’s way and try to remove a burden that must be taken to the altar. Don’t you trust God to bring life to the dry bones of despair? Don’t you see that those tears are nourishment of the Spirit?
I took Rosanne’s hand. “Can you just pray for me?” Yes, she nodded. But there were tears in her eyes too. It is oh-so-difficult to let someone you love go through the pain of growing closer to the fire. It goes against our grain to step aside and let the Spirit work. We feel helpless, but we are not. We can choose to let God do the healing—and we can pray that He will, thoroughly, even if there are a lot of tears along the way.
Several readers have expressed concern about the process I have been experiencing for a few months. I am encouraged by your concern. It is enormously uplifting to know that you care about me, for I care about you. But if God is really going to do the work that He wants to do in my life, you must let me cry. You must let me feel the pain of those long-ago memories, those emotions have I tried so hard to discard. You must let me fall so that the Lord can lift me up. He has not abandoned me. He has merely drawn me into the wilderness where I cannot survive without Him. It’s time to discover what life is like when only trust is left.
Please, don’t be afraid. Just let me cry.
“Words that come from the heart, enter the heart.” Ibn Ezra
We keep you and Miss Rosanne in our thoughts and prayers.
I weep along with you, my brother, and intercede on your behalf for GOD, the consuming fire, to continue the work that He has begun in and through you, knowing that He will continue that work until you meet Him face to face.
You are absolutely right that only Yah can fix this……..it happened to me some years ago and He took me into the wilderness to cry and be consoled by him alone. Looking back it was one of the most ‘deep’ life changing times I have experenced ……….as I drew close to him and openly showed him all my wounds and heartfelt regrets etc. He showed me He would fix my broken heart and he did. I grew so much in that time and it is what now sustains me in the difficulties my husband and I are facing here in a very uncertain place – both phycially and economically. Our prayers are for you to take the time, His time and let his arms wrap round you. ‘Be still and know I am Elohim’.
Christine
May God richly bless you! As a good friend often says, If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it. Trust Him.
Skip, thank you for sharing from your heart to our heart. I know as a woman it is hard to watch someone you love go through a painful time without trying to fix it and make it better for them, especially when it comes to our spouse or children. But I have learned over time, that we must. My heart goes out to both you and Roseanne. I will be praying for you both as God brings you through this part of the journey and watch with great anticipation as you come out on the other side.
Praying. Love you brother.
You have been very important to my christian walk. You challenge me to dig deeper, to not be content with a mediocre relationship with God. We all need your insight.. Your revelations… Your comment to Truth. I will pray for you my brother. You are loved and greatly appreciated.
Amen!!!
“The LORD is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.” (Psalms 145:13b-19) Praying for you, Skip.
Some of the American Indian tribes had this saying: “My heart is on the ground.” Shalom, Skip.
Unspoken
Tears are a language, God understands.
There is nothing better (physically) for our eyes than authentic tears. Tears are certainly universal to the human condition. Gentiles, females, Asians, “old” folks, tears are present at all times and in all places.
But there is one thing that (greatly) comforts me… “Jesus wept.” (John 11.35)
Easily memorized, but (as are most tears), often overlooked (unless they are your own!). What would cause the son of Man, the “second Adam,” to weep? Our tears, His tears are so revealing of our hearts – and His.
This very small, yet very powerful portion of scripture, must somehow become part of us. It seems to be the central pivot point or hinge of the entire eleventh chapter of the book of John, the story of Lazarus.
Lazarus, was a “real” person, -so were Mary and Martha, his sisters. Looking for “authenticity?” Look no further than human tears, and friend, “Jesus wept.”
Tears are the safety valve of the heart. This man, “the Man Christ Jesus,” identified as the most fully human “human” who ever lived, wept “holy and compassionate” tears! But let us also remember the “Divine side” of our LORD.
This is “God weeping!” Behold, the Lamb of God! Behold, Him weeping over our human weaknesses, our failure to believe, our lack of faith, our sin, our blind eyes, our deaf ears, – our hard hearts.
May our “moisture” never be turned into the draught of summer! Our eyes, (my eyes) are far too dry!!
~ And He passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in [covenant] Love and faithfulness.. ~ (Exodus 34.6)
God is certainly holy. Thrice-holy. But see here, what is proclaimed/revealed to Moses.. “the compassionate and gracious God.”
How can God be “compassionate,” if He has never suffered as we suffer?
And the word was made flesh.. and lived among us. He was “in all points” tempted, as we are.. yet, – without sin.
He knows. He loves. He cares. He is (fully human) One of us.
Oh, how He loves you and me!!
Skip, Shalom
I need to go there. I am afraid
tears help
They come.
Back in 2002 I went through a deep and dark place, something I did not understand. At that time I was doing a lot of abstract drawings, intending to “see” what I was feeling and going through. After the scribbles were done and colored, I am an artist and could not just leave the picture unfinished, I began to see what I was going through and from that drawing I wrote a poem sort of thing, not sure what to call it. I would like to forward a copy of both the picture and the words I found gurgling up from the place I was in. Not sure it will be relevant to you or not but it might be in the ball park you are experiencing. Alas I do not know how to do it via this format. Any suggestions?
P.S. I am really sorry you are in the place you are in, but I agree you NEED to be there, my heart will lift you before the King.
Thanks Bruce. I will gladly accept your offer. Send it along.
Sorry try as I might I can’t get the picture from my format to yours… I guess the words by themselves will have to do
I AM THAT I AM
Sent
Pensive pointed view.
Furrowed birthing brow;
Questions haunt.
Empty…Distraught.
Hopes’ wings dead
heart spilt.
Divided still.
Target for the dead.
Wounded dread
Quarter right:
Sins sad full plight.
Left back:
Yet smiling red.
I see Your (You Are) Head!
Aghast at last
I stand Fast
Bruising lips
Praises fill
You care…
Still.
Lip Chin
stiff raised
Foundless chills
Tomorrow stil
Liquors glaze
Joy ablaze
in Praise
You are still
Still, You Are.
I don’t apologize for the rythem, nor the rime (sp?) (ryme?) [but my spelling is a Crime.]rhyme. For all of us live in fractured time.
Early in too ought aught to (2002) [ :>) comic flavor served up raw my way.] my heart filled pen drew from depths I could not see, a picture story revealing glory that only burdened honesty could bear to stare.
Anger, betrayal, jealousy, envy, a heart and life poisoned by dishonor, denial & abandonment. Capped off by the revelation that shame is the bitter filth covered veil which hap hazardously covered the image I believed would be able to save me from the emptiness of my separated fractured being. Haunting taunting laughter drove me past everything I believed I could trust, to the only One I could not see, yet who loved me…endlessly.
I do not walk alone. I am in the company of many who stumble with a groan, falling under burdens layed at the feet of the throne of the One Whos’ entire life was broken, that He could atone something as small, insignificant weak & unknown as me. I choose, still, to fall down & worship the only One who says of Himself I AM THAT I AM.
This was written using a drawing as a backdrop. They kind of go hand in hand, maybe it won’t make since to anyone else but the both of them together managed to get the experience expressed in a way they satisfied my soul at the time. If you want to I think you can see the picture on my facebook page…somewhere I put it there several years ago.
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it with us. Shalom!
I can make up a picture of my own to go with it! Thank you!
Beautiful. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this with us.
Thank you, Skip. This is real. Someone put the Chamber’s thought in another way (and I’m paraphrasing here) – it’s like trying to help a butterfly out of its chrysalis by tearing a hole for it. The poor creature will have not had to struggle, and therefor the essential fluids will not have found a way into the wing veins; consequently the wings will never open and the creature will never experience flight. It will stay in an amorphous state until it dies prematurely.
Until the pain of staying where you are becomes greater than the pain of moving out of it, nothing changes. There will be pain, but on the other side is deliverance. Bless you in your struggle and the coming restoration.
Salty tears will wash away and cleanse every hidden wound…as those hurtful things surface give each one to Him…don’t keep it…let Him take it and wash the wound it has left with His Blood. Just know…He has always known everything about you…not just your sins…but WHY you fell prey to that sin..and He loved you even then. Let Him fill up the pot holes you fell in before and untie the tangles that made you trip. He will walk you through the entire process of life and always He promises…”I make all things new….I will restore what the cankor worm has eaten…for I know what plans I have in mind for you…plans for well being, not for bad things; so that you can have hope and a future. When you call to Me and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you seek Me with your whole heart, I will let you find Me.” He loves you Skip…more than He loves His own Life…He’s already proven that.
I’m so glad you decided to go this sway Skip. It’s so different from the standard Christian practice of “fight through to get the victory” or “take some meds for a while to get you through this rough patch”. The fact that your wife will stand by you and just watch and pray and not interfere with the Lords work in you is wonderful!! I wonder what beauty awaits you after you emerge from this cocoon?
Shalom, Skip. Thankyou so much for your honesty. Many of us have tears we need to cry. So often our society has said that “Real men don’t cry”. How wrong that is. Real men are not afraid to cry when it is needed. You and Rosanne are in our prayers. We miss you. We hope that God will bring you back to Australia some time in the not too distant future so we can meet up again. We have both travelled a long way in our journey since you were last here. May He continue to protect and keep us and may we all continue to grow into the people He needs us to be, to fulfill His purposes in His Kingdom.
Wow. When I read this email I could feel how very right on you are with God.
I am the lady who sent you a message that dropped into my heart for you one day. Because I thought it was from God I sent it to you. It seemed like a promise of what He was in the process of bringing to you. Guess you could say it was like a carrot, set down the road, for the rabbit to run towards. I do not like that concept nor am I sure I even believe in it, yet am often challenged by a reality of how it does appear that God inspires me with a promise of what I get, if I continue on the path.
One of my favorite books is Broken In the Right Places. Being broken is not easy, but God does have the ability to turn what was meant to destroy us into our greatest moment. That sounds religious or christianise and there are no words to explain the “better promises.” Christ died to redeem what satan destroys.
Have you ever studied the passages around “nothing is impossible with God.” What is in the equations for “nothing is impossible with God? And could the name of the God that is in those equations for a miracle be “I AM?”
You once called me and left me a message on my phone. I listened to that message a few times as in your voice you sounded like humility. That’s a good place for God’s gifts to rest, to reset, to increase, to purify. I am confident you are headed for a phenomenal break through into who you are in Christ.
Praise YHVH forever. He heals the deepest wounds… if we let Him. The fire of healing, however, is painful and very scary if we aren’t clinging to Him with every shallow, tear-filled breath. We love you, Skip. We really do. We are here for you if you just need to vent, ok? Prayers will be covering Rosanne, your family and you. My guess is that your Loved Ones have never seen you broken like this.
LET THE HEALING BEGIN AND BE COMPLETE! Don’t hold on to any of the garbage and don’t take it back after the LORD has removed it.
Trying to type thru tears sometimes gets the best of me but the words that came through Skip’s message pierced my heart and the thoughts and comments on this forum continue to wrap their warmth around me. Skip has been such an inspiration and beacon in our lives and in our own circumstances that to know and follow his struggle brings hope and renewal to our walk as well.
As a woman, wife and mother – the ezer kenegdo in me – yes wants to FIX things .. make them better, watch out for the proverbial cliff so that no one falls off, gather the broken-hearted and down trodden and tell them all that it will be ‘all-better’…..but I have learned … I am not capable of doing that – all the time. Sometimes, as many of us are learning…you simply have to let go…and yes, let the Holy One take over. It is not easy for most of us who feel that innate need to ‘fix’ … but it is a necessary learning step in order for ALL of us to be ‘fixed’ by the work of the Almighty.
And the hardest lesson of all…..is to realize that the ‘letting go’ most of the time is for US – not for someone else…we need to allow the Father to work WITHIN us … because all the well meaning advise in the world from friends and loved ones, while comforting, doesn’t fix the problem when it is so deep within.
So, Roseanne, I join with you when tears flow….and then we will simply turn our face towards the Great I Am and pray for our loved ones……and for His perfect will.
Shalom, Skip. Thank you for your transparency as one who is in a leading position in my life. It helps me see things in a more solid way. I am grateful.
I’m delighted to hear that you are well, Skip. The scarey part for us observers is not knowing if you’re in dispair, not knowing if you’ve lost hope.
Most of us know loved ones who decided not to participate in this world anymore and slipped away from us when we weren’t watching. That has been my only fear about you and anyone I see in distress.
For those who perservere to the end, NO WORRIES! Our Father is faithful and well able to deliver.
Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere He doesn’t take me.
As Job, Noah, and David , Jeremiah, myself . I lament and pray with you for you in your loss or despair . Maybe my life could at times be Rated “K” for Kleenex ..I am so sorry and here for you both..
. THE FLOOD ! My Tears G-d’s MIKVAH of purification and healing, sanctification for every hurt , pain , loss , suffering , it washes over your open heart , He sees it is written he feels our tears, he hears them . It is a language only he understands when our emotions ,pain, hurt ,sorrow, despair , our losses cannot be described or put in words . I am praying and grieve with you and all of Zion..does too!
In my tears he showed me in the books of Laments ,Tehillim, Condolences. My say our tears are the bottles stored and kept in heaven in bottles, are as oceans for heavenly Mikvahs or G-d in the heavens saves tear to assist the awakening of those asleep.in the coming Messianic time. I have several oceans each tears a name or an incident , maybe as many as there are grains of sand . It is thought and I have experienced the way through is feeling and facing. He G-d is our consolation, doctors have the ability to give numbing for neurological pain, Prophets people words prayer and casseroles , cards, text, ourselves at replacements and avoidance to try comfort this type of pain , by G-d is the only one that can heal suffering death, deep loss.. and despair..
Maybe my life could at times could be Rated “K” for Kleenex. His healing is good and perfect may his “MIKVAH Of Tears “wash and comfort your hurts and pain..
Ps 56
9. You have kept count of my wanderings; put my tears into your bottle. Are they not in your book?
10. When I cry to you, then shall my enemies turn back; this I know, because God is for me.
11. In God, whose word I praise; in the Lord, whose word I praise,
12. In God have I put my trust; I will not be afraid. What man can do to me?
13. Your vows are upon me, O God; I will render thank offerings to you.
14. For you have saved my soul from death, indeed my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living.
I know what you’re going through. Been there and still there. I still cry and it is still all good. Love you.
After reading the posts before me, it is clear that your family is here and pleading your case before our Creator. Thank you for loving enough to lead through the example of your trials.
Praying. You’ve seen so much and you have shared so much. Let us support you here.
We will pray for you and this process,
Shalom Skip. I’ll be praying for you.