At the Edge of the World
Today my wife and I talked about the sadness I have been experiencing. She spoke about her concern. “How can I not be sad when my own husband is struggling so much?” she asked. I replied, “What I know is that God is dealing with wounds in my life, wounds that have been a part of me since long before I met you. I have cried a lot of tears in the last few weeks while I was traveling alone. But I am asking you now, please don’t try to fix this. It’s not about you although I know it affects you. But I need to cry about the deep hurts. I need to face them. If you try to fix my sorrow and my hurt, you will only delay that healing process. I have to cry if I am going to resolve my struggles. It’s OK. It’s part of the place God is taking me. Just let it be.”
I am reminded of something Oswald Chambers wrote. If we rush in to relieve someone’s pain, we often inadvertently prevent God from taking that person through the suffering in order to be healed. In our desire to promote happiness for the other, we act as a little god, forestalling what YHVH intends. Tears are a necessary part of spiritual growth. They are not always bad. In fact, without tears of heartache there probably can’t be tears of joy.
So, let it be. God knows what He is doing. Yes, it’s difficult to see someone you love agonize, weep, be discouraged, but who are you to step into God’s way and try to remove a burden that must be taken to the altar. Don’t you trust God to bring life to the dry bones of despair? Don’t you see that those tears are nourishment of the Spirit?
I took Rosanne’s hand. “Can you just pray for me?” Yes, she nodded. But there were tears in her eyes too. It is oh-so-difficult to let someone you love go through the pain of growing closer to the fire. It goes against our grain to step aside and let the Spirit work. We feel helpless, but we are not. We can choose to let God do the healing—and we can pray that He will, thoroughly, even if there are a lot of tears along the way.
Several readers have expressed concern about the process I have been experiencing for a few months. I am encouraged by your concern. It is enormously uplifting to know that you care about me, for I care about you. But if God is really going to do the work that He wants to do in my life, you must let me cry. You must let me feel the pain of those long-ago memories, those emotions have I tried so hard to discard. You must let me fall so that the Lord can lift me up. He has not abandoned me. He has merely drawn me into the wilderness where I cannot survive without Him. It’s time to discover what life is like when only trust is left.
Please, don’t be afraid. Just let me cry.
During a dark and frightening season in my life, my oldest sister encouraged me with these words, “Marcella, it won’t always be this way”. It offered hope for the moment, but then evaporated. I often repeated those words, sometimes many times each day, for months. It was through the tears I wept in that deep, dark hole, that YHVH was able to penetrate my facade, and show me the “self” I had manufactured. I was blind, but HE saw all along, and it was His love that brought me to that place. HE told me, “I never asked you to work that hard”. It was the beginning of death, and life. It was beautiful, but terrifying. I had never experienced such vulnerability, and I remember it feeling as if I was running naked on the freeway, with the whole world watching. I didn’t know if I’d live through it, at the time.
I chose to go through the process, and I’m so grateful I did. It was destruction of a false foundation, and freedom to start becoming His version of me. Can’t say it was the only time I’ve been confronted by my Creator and Loving Father. There have been other difficult seasons, but there was hope and strength because I was learning more of His ways, and had confidence He would bring me through.
SKIP ~ I know you know, but I’ll say it anyway. “It won’t always be this way”, so go with it as much as possible, agony and all. I am cheering you on, while praying for you. I’m really excited for you. I truly am.
Thank you is inadequate, but THANK YOU!
Shalom…………….Marci
Thank you for being so open and transparent. Wow. Will be praying
First of all, thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your daily devotions and feeding so many. Prayers for you, your precious wife and family, and for all that touches you. There is a book called DON’T SING SONGS TO A HEAVY HEART, written by Keneth C. Hauck, Ph.D. He is the founder of the Stephen Ministry program. “So in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” Romans 12:5 As we were taught, words are inadequate. I can say nothing, but I can cry with you and pray for you. Much love and many prayers to you and your wife as you walk through this valley. <
Skip, It is a relief, with some tears, to read your words of assurance that you are clinging to YHVH. You and Rosanne, remember to BREATHE DEEPLY to take a break and refresh yourselves as Elohim (powers) did according to Ex. 31:17 after the six days of work in creating.
Skip, thanks for being so real and sharing this with us. I know where you are for I too am on the edge of breaking through, but at times am afraid. I know God has a plan and I need to trust Him as I walk through the pain. I so thank you for I really needed to read this today! I pray for your strength as you walk this road; there is freedom, it’s just ahead over the rise…..
This is heart-wrenching! Whatever triggered this onslaught bringing forth these heart breaks, Skip, we are with you! Standing with you and Rosanne in our prayers as you go through this healing process.
Brad Scott said, Don’t be guilty of the past, it serves no purpose, whatever has happened, has happened, it cannot be undone, and it is for good reasons/purpose/s that YHWH has allowed such circumstances to happen. AND, He can and will turn it around for good.
That is sound advice!
A good cry to YHWH brings immense relief that is so needed in cases like these.
I cry in my spirit all the time for my family, extended families, relatives and friends/neighbours. It is a burden of our souls for those who aren’t close to ABBA.
As we sow in tears, we shall reap with joy!
ABBA hears our desperate cries! HE will heal our hurts and wounds.
Shalom and love to you and Rosanne. Take care, Skip.
Message from my mother when I sent her your today’s word. As usual she has some keen insight…
Something you already know . . . Condemnation is of the enemy our loving heavenly father convicts and then moves on. Make sure your burden is not one of self condemnation that we find ourselves waddling in, hense “working our way through” and such. The work has been done our work is to continually confess and make ourselves see us as the Father sees us. “Accepted in the beloved, heirs of Yehovah – joint heirs of Messiah and so on. The article below is full of self indulgence, I don’t think this is of the Father. I see nothing in the scripture that encapulates comments below. Where is this process in the scripture? Notice he backed none of this up with scripture. The scriptures mentioned are for suffering for His name’s sake. This has nothing to due with His name, it is self indulgence and self exaltation. Exaltation because we are trying to do the work that has been done already! I know because as a young believer I used to do this; and it profited me nothingI . I believe Skip missed this one. I read those scriptures and that is not what they are saying. See your shortcomings? Rejoice He has revealed them, confess, take His word as “faithful and just to forgive and cleanse us” and move on. We don’t cleanse ourselves, we can’t. It is work to line our self image with the Word. But it does not change the way the Father sees us. We can waddle in our past or move to the next level where He will reveal more we must repent of and so on and so on – until we are conformed to His image. Conforming to His image has nothing to do with what has been expressed below.
Sorry Skip, as with all teachers, we miss it sometimes. . . .
Skip,
Just wanted to say the Thomas family is praying for you and we certainly love, appreciate and support you brother.
For me personally, when the tears pour from my eyes and heart, are during the times God has answered my prayer: “Let me feel what You feel about this situation, sin or person. Let me care like You care. Let me see what You see”. Sometimes it is more than I can handle.
I’m trusting that our wonderful Father has orchestrated this sensitivity in your heart, Skip. Your in good hands.
Just some ‘wonderful words’ I give to you this morning, Skip! Pat and I will pray for you and Rosanne thruout the day. We will make it a priority.
Thank you. I am traveling to Fresno today to be with the Bennett’s for a weekend conference. If you are close by, please show up.
I’ll pray as He prunes. Abide.
I’m a little wierd. Yah is trustworthy and faithful. I see these processes like striping a piece of furniture then from bare wood repairing and refinishing. From ragged to ugly to raw and bare to fixed and colored and finished and beautiful and useful. The master always does well. This will sound terrible but I praise yah that he sees you valuable enough to take you through this process. He knows.
A good analogy. Thanks
I am praying too. I know. My entire universe has shifted. From the outside of everything is a strange place. Paradigm shift just hurts. The self vests itself in the paradigm of What Is. Only when the ground moves under our feet does it even occur that we are safe only in Him. NOTHING else is trustworthy. To actually experience that is heart-shaking.
Good for us, a better Skip is on his way. Phillipians 1:6
Thanks. Edwin. Miss seeing you.
If only I could be as transparent you, Skip, one day! You amaze me.
Dear Skip,
Thanks for sharing your deepest thoughts.They have truly blessed me and I am sure that they have blessed so many others. What you are going through is what so many of us need to experience ourselves for true healing. thanks so much for sharing with such intimacy!
Shalom ooverecha,
Lynne-Hope Ornoff
whew… lots of tears here too.. for you.. for us.. whew!
Help YAH, HELP!!!