Moses and the Rabbis
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:21 NASB
Seven times – So how many? Don’t be so quick to answer with the mistaken “seventy times seven” or the spiritualized “forever.” Taken out of context, such quick answers avoid the truly painful experience of disregarding the real offense caused by another. This is not theology. This is personal injury.
How many times are you to forgive someone who steals continually from you? Your son has a drug problem. He constantly takes possessions from your house and sells them for money. He steals money in your billfold. You can’t trust him at all. How many times do you forgive him?
How many times do you forgive someone who lies to you? Your husband struggles with the demons of pornography. You know he is trying to change, but time after time you catch him in a lie. He pleads for forgiveness. How many times?
How many times do you forgive someone who slanders your reputation? A member of your faith community spreads a rumor about your children. You hear it from someone down the line. Now you know dozens of people believe something that isn’t true. This rumor has grown a hundred fold. How many times do you have to forgive?
Perhaps you should add your own real-life example to Peter’s question. Peter gives you the “over the top” rabbinic answer. According to b. Yoma 86b-87a, three times is sufficient. Peter more than doubles it. Enough already! But Yeshua does not focus on the individual problem even though it is individual injury. He focuses on the effect on the community. His answer is not “seventh times seven.”[1] Neither is it seventy-seven. It is rather an idiomatic illusion to a phase in the Tanakh. Can you guess where? Try Genesis 4:24, the statement of revenge in the mouth of Tubal-cain (“If Cain is avenged sevenfold, then Lamech seventy-sevenfold”). Yeshua’s answer is not mathematics but attitude. The real answer is about what brings unity. If my forgiveness or lack thereof makes no contribution to restoration and repair of the unity of the community, then it really doesn’t matter how much or how little. We are called upon to rebuild. How many bricks it takes to do that is irrelevant.
Peter asks the question on all of our minds. How many times do I have to put up with this? There must be a limit to insult and injury. Yeshua answers with the famous parable of the great debtor. You know, the man who refused to honor hesed. Hesed, that great character trait of God and godly men, passes on the grace of the Father without calculation. Today God will arrange an opportunity for you to demonstrate which slave in the parable you really are. Don’t be tempted to count.
Topical Index: seven times, seventy times, forgiveness, Matthew 18:21
[1] The Greek hebdomekontakis is an idiom best understood as seventy-seven.
Yes. Forgiveness that gets the job done. That would be REAL forgiveness. Now, could you teach us what real forgiveness is, and is not? How to do it perfectly (effectively), vs. all the ways to miss the mark… I stumbled around this field for decades, working on this forgiveness thing. It is not simple stuff! Thank you for staying focused on it! May we be blessed with understanding and a heart to do it!
I have a very practical application question:
I have a student (I teach) who never does assignments. Then in the last day of the quarter asks to turn in all his missing work because he’s “very sorry.” He’s done this every quarter so far. Does this parable mean that I should continually allow him to turn in his work late? Or do I allow him to feel the consequences of his poor decisions? If I “forgive his debt” then what about the other students with missing work who want me to bend/break the rules for them?
Thoughts?
Amanda, my response would be “so am I, as you have forced me to fail you….”
I had a professor in college who had an amazing way of both encouraging a person and enforcing the set expectations. I adored her.
As a professor, I totally agree – except we don’t fail students – they fail themselves!
And you, Professor Adam, sound just like her.
I shall take that as a compliment; thank you. 🙂
As it was.
I hope that I’ve done the encouraging part well enough. 🙂 Right now I’m at the part where he has failed himself with his inaction. Thanks for your encouragement!
I did 45 minute presentation (i think it was 45) on forensic psycholinguistics, which sounds a lot more impressive then the presentation. I worked on it for weeks, every one had to do a presentation and mine was due the first night of the dates available.
It was a rousing success. Mostly because i like to talk and it was a great topic for me and i had a captive audience who were mostly my friends so the interaction was great.
My professor sat to the side taking notes; at the end she gave them to me with many compliments. At the BOTTOM of the hand written sheet was this statement “**Unfortunately i can not give you a final grade due your not having included a slide w/your citations (i detest doing cites). When i have that your presentation will be complete and i will be able to give you a grade”.
When she handed me the note she looked me dead in the eye and said “the sooner the better”.
That was her forgiveness statement. I totally understood what she was saying. Since i anted up and went that first night she basically gave me a week to do the cites, an act of mercy that was extended to someone that second week as well, but after.
I got a 95, it was an A, but she did ding me a bit for citations that were not accurately done. I wasn’t even upset, it was a legal class, legal cases are won and lost over minor errors.
I put this kind of situation down to Torah. We have the book, we have the tools to learn the rules and we will be judged BY the rules, the judge will be totally neutral and his verdict final.
Even in situations like that I could learn to practice Torah. She was a great instructor, even tho she practiced no spiritual responses whatsoever.
OH..i have that handwritten note hanging on my wall. i loved it.
Have you allowed him to do this in the past? If so, then you have already extended forgiveness with the expectation that he would accept the gift and alter his behavior. That fact that he did not do so shows he was not worthy of the gift. Rescind it and fail him. Then he might learn something.
I have. This is the third quarter of this behavior, and I feel like it’s time to allow him to experience the consequences of his inaction. I suppose God does this, too… he forgives and forgives, but there are consequences when we refuse to change.
Amanda, I agree with the other teachers. Ask him, WHY are you sorry? That you failed yourself or that I am not going to pass you anyway? Sorry can mean a lot of things. Since you have the ability NOT to fail, I can’t see why you want to…
That’s a really good point. Thank you!
Overall the offensive aspect of the forgiveness in christianity is the abusers who focus on the concept that they MUST be forgiven, repeatedly, and never be expected to change. It’s an arrogance that succeeds in digging the wound deeper for the person who has been attacked.
It’s an impossible sidebar
Mat 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
Mat 18:16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
Mat 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the assembly: but if he neglect to hear the assembly, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
This is the counsel given to us by our Rabbi. When one is released from the community as “an heathen and a publican” he is still our “neighbour” whom we are to love as ourselves. And in that love we want to help them to see their need of salvation.
We are not required to carry someone else’s sin inside of us which is exactly what unforgiveness is. It is their sin and the Judge of all will deal with it. Our position is to release them, and get back before YAH, get our hearts right with Him and this we can do only when we forgive.
When I forgive someone, I am not letting them off the hook but giving them over to YAH, still wiggling on the hook. This is what constitues true forgiveness. I continue to hate their sin, but now I am set free to love them. To forgive I do not have to condone their sin. We never see Yahshua condoning sin. To condone sin is to enable the sinner to keep on sinning. And, Yahshua came to save us from our sins.
Amanda, one thing I believe the Scriptures teach us and that is while there is forgiveness for sin, and that is freely given when we repent BUT we still have to pay the consequences for sin. There are many examples of this in the Word. One comes to mind and that is David’s sin of adultery with Bathsheba and the consequences that followed.
Shalom
Wow, I have struggled with a daughter who is 42 and has been into meth since she was 15 years old. She almost killed her two girls in an auto accident, we took them and rehabbed them. She has continued in her behavior and always blamed me for her conduct. I always felt guilty because although never into drugs, I made some mistakes in my life and felt it was my fault and allowed her to manipulate me, until this year. I have told her I love her and ask for forgiveness many times and I have forgiven her, but she is not moving back in. I don’t want the chaos in my home or my life. I have been set free!
Thank you to Skip and all of you on this website your comments have put more peace in my spirit than you will ever know.
Focus On the Father
~ For You, LORD, are kind and ready to forgive, rich in faithful love (chesed) to all who call on You ~ (Psalm 86.5)
~ forgiving each other; as the LORD has forgiven you ~ (Colossians 3.13)
~ Ask. – and you will receive ~ (Matthew 7.7)
Is there any among us who have ever asked to be forgiven? Is there any (wandering, erring) son among us who have ever prayed, “Father, forgive me..” for I have sinned against You.” The Prayer of the Prodigal- The son repents and returns home. Relationship restored. And the Father? The center of this parable is NOT the errant sons! (there are two, -remember?) No, – this is about a grieving Father, the heart of this story is the broken heart of the Father. What was [is] the “will” [the goal, the desire] of the Father? it is.. with zero doubt- [as any father will testify] – “How good and how pleasant it is for brothers [and sisters, – the “family”- “all My children”] to dwell together in unity.” (Psalm 133.1)
The goal of God is unity. Sin separates. “It is (clearly) written..” God’s favorite number (if He has one!) is “ONE.” The goal of God is “Life Together.” – “Let’s do life, together.”
Think with me, for just a brief moment. If I humble myself and pray (and say) “ABBA-Father..” and you (will also) humble yourselves and pray (and say), “ABBA-Father,” – and we each are called the children of God, that makes us “brothers and sisters.” Siblings, – We are now all part of the family of God!
Of all the “grace gifts” given unto the sons of God, “forgiveness” has got to be one of our chief weapons. “Forgive as the LORD has forgiven you.” Has Christ forgiven me (keepin’ it real) of my “trespasses?” Hallelujah! – Yes. In totality. Not some, – all. And my sin debt (death) was paid for “in full” at Calvary. I too, am another errant, wandering son.. one who has (also) come to himself, saw (by the grace of God) his sinful state, repented of his sin, and has returned “home.” Home to my Father. Yes!- Let the celebration begin!! It truly is a wonderful and glorious realization!- to be forgiven.
But. But what about “those” who now trespass against me? How (easily) we have forgotten!! Oh yes! We readily will pray – “forgive us our debts!” – but the rest of the story? It is this- “as we forgive our debtors!!” ~ But if you don’t forgive, neither will your Father in Heaven forgive your wrongdoing. ~ An unforgiving spirit is unforgivable!!!
Our Master, our Model, our Mentor.. prayed another prayer.. One we also need to remember and to put into practice! [We learn best, by doing!] “Father, forgive them for they know not what they are doing!”
Sin, as we are (now) fully aware.. comes packaged with “repercussions.” Every choice (good or bad) has a built-in “consequence.” It matters not “who” is doing the sinning, – there will be (for everyone) a consequence. Payday Someday. An unrepentant sinner has no future! What is his (or her) end?
Think again. Had I continued in my sin, down the same wide pathway I once traveled, where would I be today? Stop. Look. Listen. Let sin run rampantly in any nation, any society, any community, any family, any man.. – and what, dear friend, are the results? Say, – who wants disaster? or disease? or defeat? or debilitation? or depression? – (Need we go on? ~ Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? ~ (and our ready answer is?) God forbid!
Why does God (God who is thrice-holy) hate sin? http://www.gotquestions.org/God-hate-sin.html
Try Genesis 4:24, the statement of revenge in the mouth of Tubal-cain (“If Cain is avenged sevenfold, then Lamech seventy-sevenfold”).
Here’s another side to this. This being an allusion to The story of Tubal-Cain (and therefore an extension of Cain) perhaps part of the intention by The Messiah is the warning of not forgiving. The absence of it results in destruction, as the generation of Tubal-Cain was destroyed in the flood in the measure pronounced. Shabim-Shabah. Sevens- sevened? Perhaps, their “restings” (in vengeance) coming to a final rest (destruction of those who seek their own vengeance)
YHWH bless you and keep you……