Stand by Me (2)
Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, Philippians 2:1 NASB
Consolation – What’s the Difference? Paul already used the word paraklesis, the Greek equivalent of the Hebrew naham, a word for comfort, so why use another Greek word, paramythion, that means essentially the same thing in English. Stählin’s article in TDNT notes, “There are only six instances in the NT, two in John and four in Paul. Since the reference in Jn. 11:19, 31 is to Jewish practice, and John does not use parakaléō, there is no word in John for Christian paramythía. In Paul paramythéomai is subsidiary to the more important parakaléō (cf. 1 Th. 2:12; 5:14; 1 Cor. 14:3; Phil. 2:1). Since both terms combine admonition and comfort, it is hard to draw any clear distinction between them. . The only possible difference is that paramythéomai is not used directly for God’s comfort or for eschatological comfort, but always for comfort in the earthly sphere.”[1]
This helps, especially when we realize that paramythion has the root meaning of “speaking toward someone in a friendly way.” The possible distinction teaches us a critical lesson. God can provide encouragement in the Spirit but only you and I can provide consolation (paramythion). How many times have we failed along this line? How many times have we said to ourselves, “Well, God will comfort him” or “She just needs to turn to the Lord for comfort”? How many times have we been silent when the Lord was relying on us to provide the right words to a fellow member of the community? May God forgive us for being so selfish! We have robbed others in their need by simply not speaking. Don’t pretend any longer that God will provide the comfort a brother or sister really needs. God will provide alright—through your mouth. Speak up!
Now let’s explore the wider nuances of paramytheomai. Yes, it’s about speaking up, offering friendly words when needed. But this also includes admonition. Have you considered admonition as a form of consolation? Oh, and that’s not all. The word also includes the idea of compensation. Yes, it’s about money. It’s about filling a need financially as a sign of consolation. In fact, it is even extended to mean a “tip.” Did you ever think that your tipping habit was a sign of consolation? Paramytheomai is also used when someone explains a contradiction, when someone resolves a dispute or argument, when someone atones for a sin. And you thought it was only about the warm and fuzzy feelings of the Spirit? This is a human effort, practical, go-do-it word; a godly act you and I can perform as His representatives. There are no more excuses. Consolation involves your words, your money and your habits. For a little word only used six times, there is more than enough to bring us up short. Some personal examination may be in order.
Topical Index: paramythion, paramytheomai, consolation, comfort, Philippians 2:1
[1] Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (785). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.
So, basically, we are to ask for discernment to recognize the current NEED, whatever it may be, and take action to fill it. Kinda like raising children: You discern their current need, and arrange reality around them, including your physical reality, so as to either provide or make it possible for them to provide for themselves, whatever they lack. Not hard to understand, but so hard to do when you have recalcitrant, self-defensive, abrasive, distant adults! It is hardest to do, however, (or just impossible!) if we haven’t gotten our own needs met, first.
So, to meet the needs of those around me, I must have stores in my storehouse, and experience of having my own needs in that area met first, even, before I can even know HOW to do it for others. I can’t pay the back taxes of others if mine haven’t been taken care of already!
I tried so hard to fill in the holes of others with an empty bank account for so long. I think I learned a few things, however. One, my caring DID count (was blessed), but two, if I had it tagged to my own needs (i.e. I tried to proactively provide for others BECAUSE I needed them to provide back), it didn’t work. See above empty bank account. I just ended up with a whole lot of co-dependent behavior in my flesh.
I concluded, after years of intensive research, that my needs were only safe with G-d. Further, I needed to go to Him first with my own needs and let Him fill them BEFORE I charged out the door. In that process, I gain the experience necessary to not only know HOW to succor and support, but I gain the TOOLS to do so. In my flesh, I have no knowledge or tools. I have to allow my lacks to be vulnerable first. I have to stop trying to deny them, defend them, or try to meet them, myself. In the process of learning to take them to Him, and also to learn how to let them be filled by His Body around me, I gain the experience and resources to go do it for others. The order of operations in the Two Great Commandments is first Him, then me, then others. There is a reason for the order, I finally realized. If I consider MYSELF as a source, then I have cut Him out. If I put the lack of others ahead of my own lacks, then I have entered into a co-dependent relationship (made them my god), and others will react with resistance, because they will feel the vacuum on my end. These have been hard lessons. Only by putting Him first, then letting my own vulnerability and need rise to the top and be resolved by Him, do I then have what it takes to turn around and do for others. I have to develop that love relationship with Him, and then allow that love into my own life, before I even have the right stuff for others. I cannot manufacture love.
I have decided that the closest the world can come to imitating love in the flesh is all going to fall in some sort of co-dependent relationship; some sort of NEED-based exchange. That sounds great on the surface, or at least realistic, but I have found it falls short when it comes to actual love. You are always going to end up just short of love in the flesh, because the flesh is always going to be need-based. True love never works from need. Who knew?
So, paradoxically, my own needs come first, before the needs of others. Now, that just sounds bad. It sounds unloving! BUT, there is a reason I experience need, and that reason is because in those places I need love. In those places, specifically, I need HIM! If I am still needing Him (love), I still do not have what others need. The resolution of my needs is HOW the current of love gets restored in my life, and that current must be flowing before there is going to be any milk in the bucket for others. I am not a love source, but if I charge out on empty batteries, then I have just MADE myself a love source, by fiat. And that spells T.R.O.U.B.L.E. That means the order of operations has been changed, and I have just made myself a god to others, a love SOURCE to others. This is a flesh-based response. This is another form of self-idolatry. Interestingly, I found that when I am co-dependent on others, I have entered into a mutual exchange of sorts: we have become some sort of democratically created gods to each other! Co-dependency, then, is just another expression of humanism. We agree to keep the needs on all sides in the local pot.
I have decided idolatry is a need-based phenomenon. It arises out of a need of some sort, and the expectations of idolatry are going to be based on SELF, because need is a self-based reality. We worship what we give power over ourselves, and we tend to grant power to something that we choose to believe has the ability to fill a need. Needs are weaknesses. They set us up. We instinctively know that, and attempt to hide them because of that, but needs cannot be met if they are denied, excused, defended or disguised. Needs must be acknowledged and, further, brought to the table, before they can be resolved. The question is, what table? If I do not trust G-d (put Him first in that Order), I will not bring them to Him. If I do not trust (restore relationship with) Him, then I remain fractured from myself (cannot trust myself), also. If I do not trust Him or myself, now just how am I going to successfully restore trust between myself and others, which is what you have to have to get others to make their needs vulnerable enough to you so that you can fill them? They will either not let you, or your help will not edify them. Why? Because the cycle of need will just continue. People know better than to put their trust in someone who does not trust themselves, or have obviously not had that need met in their own lives already. Basic. At that point, even if you can get them to agree to let you try to help them, only the games of manipulation and perversity are possible. All those recalcitrant, abrasive, hard-to-help, need-love people, at some level, know this. Why? Because they are human, too! We all know the smell of true love, and when it is and isn’t there. Folks, love in the flesh just doesn’t exist!
Needs are safe only with G-d, and also with those who have the Love Flow firmly established already in their lives. Hmm. I think I see a few more needs of my own that I need to stop protecting, and start taking to Him to fill, before I will be able to have what it takes to get around the self-protectiveness of others successfully. This love business sure ends up looking like a chain operation!
Consolation. Just lost my fourth business again to the investor. Spent seven very hard months developing the nutrition/lifestyle education program and the gourmet nutrition meals to go business for a physician and her husband’s wellness clinic. For sweat equity I put it together and developed it to the place where it was holding its own and bound for great success. Physician’s husband pulled a fast move and squeezed me out. Now, I am in a strange state left with only enough to hold me for a month and expenses. I’ve been repenting and know my mistakes that I didn’t protect the knowledge and know how that God gave me. I allowed people out only for monetary gain to have God’s business. I’m so sorry! I need comfort from God’s people.
Ouch! It hurts to fall down. But look around, Robin, you’re in good company. Lots of others of us have fallen, and God is helping us back up. He will not let go of your hand.
Robin, Vaguely for most of Skip’s years on this web site, I recall all that you had been through before that time, serious injuries, seems like from an accident with a horse. The Holy One from Israel, in due season did heal you, and showed you how to live, ( including the correct dietary way). Then regularly when you wrote you were doing something unusual! So now I want you to remember all the times He has delivered you, and then ask yourself why would the Creator of the Universe abandon you in some “unknown STATE?” He knows where all the states are! You certainly have learned that about Him!
Most investors will take it “ALL” away from you, as soon as possible. I am sorry for people living that way, but it is a fact of this life; however because I also know who holds the whole wide world in His hands I will pray for you, and believe that many others will do so too.
And because I am nearly 82 years old, I want you to smile that I am still able to remember some of your testimony! And for over a week, I have tried to help in flesh and blood, three different groups in several areas of moving, yes. But I am so tired now, that I am going to bed and pray for your needs, and others like Helen who lives on an Island, and find rest and peace. Recall all He has done for you, and give thanks for every good and perfect gift of your past. LaVaye Billings deep in the heart of TEXAS.
Hold. Fast my dear sister,your heavenly father has your back, and all around you, so be of good cheer he always open another door, or window to pour out his blessings SHALOM
Thank you all for your encouragement, reminders and prayer!
Robin, Glad you wrote, after I wrote the above, I remembered I probably could still find your web site, went and looked and there it was. Your picture as beautiful as ever, may you ever shine with that “aglow” look, and remember how blessed you have been/will be!