Judge and Jailer?

This verse, to me, is about taking back responsibility. Iniquity is about deferring responsibility. I think we have all stood with Adam in that Garden, pointing our finger and saying “the devil made me do it”. Well, for years, I WAS forced into compliance – or at least complicity – with evil. How was I forced? Because, for the life of me, I could see no frontal way to make the choices of love. No line drive down the middle; not even a cow path trod by others, much less someone who took me by the hand and said “walk this way”. All I saw was a jungle. All my choices that I could see pointed down. All involved at least some element of error; some compromise with evil; some agreement with sin. The harder I tried to stand up straight, the harder the wind seemed to blow. I was fractured from community in a very real way, and I believe it was then that I began to see that righteousness is a communal endeavor. Righteousness, in fact, is only possible if there is more than one. Quorums are preferable: minions would be really nice! I longed for at least one person (or at least G-d) to come along and say “she is right: leave her alone!” Alone, I felt I had no choice: no power: and it was in those places I found myself having to decide what type of deals I was willing to cut at those crossroads at midnight. When your loved ones are the hostages (not to mention yourself), and you look around for the police but see no one, that is when you answer the call and ask “what do you want?”. And show up to pay.

Why did I have no one? Because I was successfully separated from my family, my community, and my G-d in one fell swoop. I didn’t even feel I could trust myself, because I found myself afraid and helpless, and therefore untrustworthy. I truly felt I had no one! Yes, I continued to pray, and go to church (I was taken to church), but I did not feel connected any more. Did I try to reach out? Yes, I did. In every way an uncomprehending child could, I tried, but it was so hard, because I was constantly ashamed and so, so very afraid. There was no one in my world who turned around and said “what is wrong?”; but, sadly, there were plenty who pointed the finger. And shunned me. I was a sitting prey, and the predators showed up like clockwork. I smelled like easy pickin’s, because I had no one who stood for me.

What made me vulnerable? Fracture. I was convinced that I was not a Part Of, and so therefore I thought I had no choice but to make choices that assumed that I was not a part of. Forsaken was how I perceived myself, so forsaken was how I acted. I was quite sick. When I hit my bottom, and became willing to relinquish all that pride covering all that fear, and community started to appear RIGHT AT THAT POINT, AND TO WORK, my life immediately began to change. I no longer smelled so much like prey, and my choices for righteousness began to work, too! It was an absolutely amazing change for me!

When I take thoughts captive, I still have to do something with them. When I see the fracturing bitterness, accusation, shame, comparison and unloving that provides the motivation for even more sin, along with the fear that provides the driving bottom for all that fracture, and the pride that provides a cover for the same, like a sandwich made in Hell’s Kitchen; I still have to do something. In fact, that is precisely the point where doing something returns. I was helpless, frozen, bound, compelled: a hostage to sin – my own and others’ – and no way out could I see. When I decided to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for myself FIRST, the key showed up in my hand.

I think evil IS the act of deferring responsibility. It was Pastor Martin Niemoller during WWII who pointed out that he did not speak for others, and so there was no one left to speak for him. “All that is required for evil to flourish is for good men to stand by and do nothing.” This is about the communal aspect of righteousness, is it not? Stinkin’ thinkin’ is all about ducking responsibility. Accusing G-d, others, and even myself results in judgment and punishment from hell. It can look and sound and feel like righteousness, but the fruit thereof is evil. I am convinced that accusation is the basis for all fracture because accusation is HOW I get set apart from G-d, myself, and others. It provides the grounds for the condemnation of bitterness, unloving, rebellion of all sorts, jealousy, shame, etc. that show up to dispense with the judgment that accusation provided. Unforgiveness, for example, is a FRUIT of some sort of accusation. I am going to find an accusing thought of some sort when I go examining the unforgiveness in my life. Unforgiveness is HOW I avoid the responsibility of relationship. Accusation merely provides the way. Unforgiveness is a private lynching: a judgment and punishment that I do SO AS TO avoid the responsibilities of relationship. Sin of all sorts is how I pass the buck. Righteousness is how I take it back.

Righteousness is taking responsibility. When I step back and look at both sin and righteousness, I see an aspect of judgment and punishment involved in both. Sin judges and condemns G-d, myself and others SO AS TO avoid taking responsibility of some sort for relationship. Righteousness is the taking of responsibility for relationship, which, in this evil world, is going to inevitably involve taking a stand to protect that relationship. That stand IS the indictment against the world that is the source of that fracture. War is an act of judgment and punishment, also, but we are called to a war to maintain or to restore relationships, are we not?

“The greatest want of the world is the want of men- men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by its right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.” Ellen White EDUCATION p. 57