The Other Parent
Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. Psalm 103:13 NASB
Compassion – It goes without saying (but it is worth saying anyway) that David knew the connection between raham and rehem (or the other meaning of raham, with the vowel patach rather than qamets). Compassion is best illustrated in the attachment of a mother to her unborn child, as indicated by rehem or raham (patach). But God as Mother doesn’t ignore God as Father, a far more familiar image. A father has compassion for his children as well. Perhaps not quite the same, but nevertheless deep and profound. There is hardly a father who would not give his life for his children.
At this point we need to distinguish the difference between compassion and grace. In proper Hebrew, one does not act with compassion when confronted by circumstances that call for empathetic benevolence. Giving alms is not strictly compassionate. Why? Because raham presupposes some sort of natural bond between the one who gives and the one who receives. Grace does not require such a bond. Grace is motivated strictly on the basis of need. It is not necessary for me (or God) to have some “natural” bond with a sinner in order for grace to operate. But it is for compassion.
Of course, the “natural” bond may be quite loose. “Son of David, have mercy (compassion) on me,” seems to be enough. There is some tribal affiliation and Yeshua responds. The same loose relationship might be seen in the story of the widow of Nain. But when Peter and John encounter the lame man (Acts 3), there is no obvious natural bond. Benevolence is delivered on the basis of need. When YHVH is involved, we might argue that all human beings are loosely related to Him as Creator, and perhaps we would be correct, although the text appears to suggest that the heart motive of YHVH follows the line of grace with Gentiles and compassion with Israel.
What is important here is David’s clear declaration that YHVH is Father. Father and child are intimately connected, and if YHVH is Father, then raham is more than appropriate. The biblical story frequently describes YHVH as Father. For a lot of us, this image is abraded by experiences with our own fathers. One of the great tragedies of life is that our perspective about God is often based on our own family relationships. It isn’t surprising that a great many people lack a deep sense of the presence of God. They didn’t experience that with their own fathers either. It is all the more poignant that David employs this expression. After all, he was of such insignificant value to Jesse that Jesse didn’t even think to call him when Samuel looked for a king. What kind of father-child bond does that suggest? Would Jacob have forgotten about his youngest? David is a lot more like some of us than we expected. His family history is marred, but it doesn’t prevent him from recognizing YHVH as the real Father, perhaps even the father he never had. If that is true for David, it can be true for us. Compassion is a family affair. And in the family of YHVH, no child is ignored or forgotten. Raham is always available.
Topical Index: raham, rehem, compassion, womb, father, Psalm 103:13
In Eastern cultures when a child does wrong, it is the parents who apologize to the community. In some cases, I have read that it was the parents who were publicly punished for the child’s behavior. We often read about parents in these cultures, then, who threaten to disown or abandon their children if they persist in doing wrong, and we wonder why, but it makes sense if the parents know that they will bear the punishment, based upon the understanding that the child is supposed to offer filial duty and proper obedience to the direction of the parents ALL THEIR LIVES.
The word ‘compassion’ means to have passion with. It comes to Middle English via old French, which picked it up from ecclesiastical Latin, so says the dictionary, and it means, literally, “to suffer with”. In communities where the expectation is that the family hangs (sic) together as a family unit, then it puts a tremendous weight on the choices one makes, for you know that you are not just choosing for yourself, but for your entire family, and your parents are going to suffer the most if you go outside the strictures that the community has set up for its survival.
To have compassion FOR someone is to align your interests and your very life with theirs. Like Skip says, most parents would trade their lives for the lives of one or more of their children without hesitation. Grace may keep its own integrity, but compassion is just going to come unglued to the extent that the life of another is getting shredded: I am going to be in the fire with you, either literally, if possible, or vicariously, if not. It is now recognized that children, say, who are witnesses of violence, disaster or the abuse of another, can end up in the same, or even in worse shape, than the other person. Children have no real filters or ways to distance themselves from others, as they are designed to stay tied emotionally to those around them until puberty, when they develop the capacity to separate their own emotions from those of others, notably their parents. Being a parent, I can tell you that my emotions were tied, likewise, to those of my children, too! It makes it much easier to parent when you can instinctively feel where your children must be coming from, and how an experience must be for them. Believe me, I suffered with my children! It was the same as if it had been done to me. In fact, it would have been better, for I had more capacity to deal with it than my little children did. What parent wouldn’t say “just do it to me instead”? It is easier!
In Hebrew culture, children received the blessing of their father as his permission for, and the provision of his resources toward, their future. It was his way of saying “even if I am not there for you, I am still there for you”. In cultures where ancestors are worshiped, which are rampant in the East, the blessing of those who have gone before is sought by those who have come after. It is expected that, even from the departed, that responsibility to identify with your own progeny is the biggest guiding and protecting force that is possible. To deny your child, literally, your compassion, or your willingness to suffer with, or to align your own life and interests with that child, is like saying that that child does not even exist. To be dead to their parents is an effective way of stripping a child of his or her very identity. I know adoptive parents struggle with abandonment issues in their children, who still need the blessing of the parents they started out from.
Over 90% of people today have grown up without hearing their father say to them “I love you”. Me, too! We have been sent out into the world without our blessing! No wonder we don’t know who we are! A child needs to hear, especially from their father, “I love you. I am happy you were born, and I am proud of you.” fathersloveletter.com/ We need to know that our Father would trade His life for ours, and would give up all He has for us. Wait! He has!
Laurita Hayes, thank you for your continual sharing with this community. It is a real blessing!
I have some things I would like to share, but I am off to a Shabbat service and then work later on. I hope to share soon.
Thanks again for your insights!
Skip, the widow is found in Luke 7, and the location is Nain, not “Nan.”
Sorry. I will fix it when I get back.