Keneged and Kenegdo
For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2 NASB
Measure – There is no doubt that Yeshua endorsed the Hebrew biblical concept of measure-for-measure. He used it to express watchfulness with regard to judgment of others and he used it to describe blessings and benefits for obedience (cf. Luke 6:38). Midda keneged midda works both positively and negatively. But perhaps there is another subtle connection to this cosmic principle that we would miss in translation. The preposition in the phrase “measure-for-measure” reminds us of another similar preposition, one that sets the stage for a very important relationship dynamic that also governs. That is the role of kenegdo in the description of YHVH’s construction of the woman.
How is the role of the woman like “measure-for-measure”? Perhaps another English idiom helps us answer this question. “Happy wife, happy life.” Of course, happiness must be biblically defined. Happiness is not the endless ability to acquire whatever I desire. Happiness is not freedom from stress or anxiety. Happiness is not big houses, big bank accounts or big vacations. For the ‘ezer kenegdo, happiness is being found in the presence of the Father. It is the wonder of knowing Who created me and why. It is purposeful! The man who thinks that he must provide his wife with every possible luxury has not understood her divine design. The woman who thinks that her life will be unsatisfied until she has all the possible luxuries has also misunderstood the divine design. Measure-for-measure is a relational principle. It assumes the presence of at least two engaged and responsible parties (one may be God) and it is built on the idea that responsibility is the foundation of cosmic existence. The connecting preposition, keneged, transfers the obligation on one side to the consequence on the other. What happens on the left affects what happens on the right.
Precisely the same relational dynamic surrounds the preposition kenegdo in the design of woman. Her purpose is to transfer the obligation she has to the covenant-maker Creator to the one she is responsible for, her man. What happens between her and God must find its way into what happens between her and her husband. Happiness is the measure of that transference. Done completely, life is wonderful. What she learns from the Father is passed to her husband who accepts her insight as if it is the Father speaking. She is acknowledged, validated and affirmed. Life is good.
And, just like measure-for-measure, when the transfer does not occur, she feels the impact of life without fulfillment.
Perhaps this obscure connection helps us appreciate the odd double preposition kenegdo used by YHVH to describe the role of the woman. Perhaps she functions as the “measure-for-measure” reminder in the mutual dynamic of marriage. The greatest blessing a man can enjoy is a wife who shows him where the boundaries really are. He discovers that life is not as complicated as he might think because he enjoys the presence of a divine directional signal.
Topical Index: keneged, kenegdo, measure-for-measure, ‘ezer, midda keneged midda, Matthew 7:2, Genesis 2:18, Luke 6:38
I think you found a beautiful way to describe attatchment & connection…..”Responsibility is the foundation of cosmic existence ”
Thank you for writing this ..
Most excellent. Thank You Skip
Skip as I began to understand the role of the woman as an ezer/helper, I made the connection with the word helper to John 15.26; When the Helper, the Advocate, the Comforter comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who goes forth from the Father, He will bear witness concerning Me. This post reminded me that my role in my marriage is wrapped up in these three verbs. Todays word just helped me make the connection to “the Spirit of truth who goes forth from the Father, He will bear witness concerning Me.” Good stuff!
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” A frustrated woman is impossible to live with, says the wise man. Better to just go to the roof and eat crusts! I would like to humbly submit that knowing is not enough. Discernment may be hardwired, but it is like owning a piece of fine crystal without the means to serve anything in it. Nagging may be in the ear of the hearer, but I have a theory that even though Mama Knows Best, doing what she says is still not going to get you connected to the Power Grid unless she is already coming from a place of connection herself. This may be along the lines of doing all the works of the Law but without the Spirit of the Lawgiver. I spun wheels for years, seeing perfectly well what would work in situations, and observing train wrecks coming down the tracks, but no matter what I said, or what I did, those insights never quite seemed to translate over into success. They failed in transmission; in the area of conviction as well as putting them into action. I think, looking back, that this was because I was not actively and humbly working with heaven, but trying to re-create heaven without the Inhabitant of heaven. What was missing was the Spirit of conviction to carry the impulse across the synapse. Time and again, I built a house made of cards that tumbled around my ears. Time and again, this was perceived as either interfering, nagging, shoving my weight around, or wanting my way. The more I was right, the worse it got. This was frustration in every direction!
I cannot build a Tower to heaven, starting from earth. I must go to heaven myself, and then reach back down. I must connect with the Power Source myself, following the instructions of the Two Great Commands IN ORDER. I had the order wrong. I would like to also humbly submit that it is not going to do any good, still, to listen to a woman who is not already actively following Christ. She can be standing there holding the keys to the get away car, but you are still not going to make it out of town unless she is plugged into the Holy Spirit herself. It is not enough for her to tell you how to do that. Take it from someone who tried….
I just finished texting someone after reading Skips nugget. My question was answered I think by your reply above, thank you!
I think this is also why it can be so extremely dangerous for a man to stand between a woman and heaven in any way, thus making himself a god to her. She will submit to force, and put him in that place, as he wishes, but it is going to wreak havoc with her ability to serve him successfully. A woman is not a tool for success in a man’s toolbox, nor is she his vestal virgin – a means to the godhood of Self – either (which I think drives lust). He cannot insist on representing heaven TO HER, as Skip points out, either; as this, I think, in effect, makes him in the place of God to her, which puts him in active rebellion against heaven (as he just insisted on stepping into a place only God should stand to a woman), and there will be no peace in his house, for he just pulled the only plug to it. Nuff said.
Enter the problem of the browbeaten man. (This is all going to be my speculation and observation, and I reserve the right to update it at any time! I also am actively asking for someone else to step in and enlighten me further.)
I think you cannot have both peace and what the world perceives as power, for power, in earthly terms, is always going to be obtained through chaos – through fracturing reality and then scrambling the resultant pieces so as to end up with a bigger pile of them. If you go breaking the connection that a woman has with heaven, you have commandeered the peace process, and reconstructed it to so as to be whatever you say it is. No peace possible, then, that’s obvious. But, I think I have seen another side to this coin, where the woman convinces the man that he is never going to ‘win’ (whatever that is!), and so he turns around and just hands her the reins of his life. He does whatever she says, and makes no decisions without giving her opinion and desire first clearance. He also waits on her to tell him what he wants, too. Now, does any of this generate respect from the outside for this marriage, or for the people in it? The woman may be ‘right’ every time, but still. The man has handed over his God-given responsibility to choose, and it emasculates him, as well as destroys the beauty of his woman. Both of them end up frustrated, too.
However, I think there is a third Way, available only to believers, of course, and that is where the woman does not run on her own cognition, even though she knows she possesses it, but instead, she establishes a working and active relationship with heaven, where she prays “not my will, but Thine, be done”, thus sanctifying her will to heaven’s. This gives her the bank account to write the checks, as well as the power to implement her intuition, so she no longer has to derive power at her husband’s expense. Instead, she brings all the Ways and means to the deal, and what the world then sees is a Power Package; two people working as one, and the man is going to appear empowered, and the woman is going to appear beautiful, but for the life of them, no one is going to be able to tell who exactly is wearing the pants! (Hint: He is Unseen.) There are always going to be three in a successful marriage, not just two, and the Third is going to entwine the other two to where you cannot tell where one ends and the other leaves off. No browbeating or power plays necessary!
You have summarized the argument of Guardian Angel with your “third way.” This is exactly what I believe the Scriptures teach as the proper covenantal relationship between man-woman-God.
“The man has handed over his God-given responsibility to choose,..”
IMO, nothing disgusts a wife/woman more than a spineless man/husband, who shirks responsibility/es in a relationship.
Appreciate all your comments here, Laurita. Shalom!
“The woman you gave to be with me – she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate.” And the first “measure for measure” and the first “blame shift” is born. Learning our strengths and weakesses…it’s a process. Thank you Abba for being so understanding.
all I can say is … wow….wow…wow…
that’s pretty articulate 😉 …. after reading Guardian Angel several times…and getting excited about reading the TW today – reading this exchange just well…blows me away LOL…
As I read the TW and then the exchanges to my husband…we both just laughed and nodded. Thank you for writing in and sharing more insight into Skip’s TW!
Brings to mind Ecclesiastes 4:12- Three are better than one.
Though emphasis is on benefits of team / group / kibbutz living, over individual, independence, with safety in numbers , this is even better when related to having ABBA in the equation on both the husband and the wife in a sound, well-balanced marriage.
As a team in a strong union / marriage; a “triple-braided cord” that carries security and hope תִּקְוָה – tiqvah/ hope/cord.
It would be a constant consternation without the Presence of YHWH in the relationship of marriage.
To emphasize, responsibility rests not only on the ezer kenegdo (when she is recognized in her role), but the husband’s as well, if not more so, to ensure the success of a purposeful, fulfilling relationship by working as a team- two as one. Not a difficult paradigm, but a challenge to selfishness, pride, ego, independence AND, control/oppression..
“responsibility is (being) the foundation of cosmic existence.”-Definitely!!
“The greatest blessing a man can enjoy is a wife who shows him where the boundaries really are….” To “enjoy the presence of a divine directional signal” … from a God-full, true ezer kenegdo wife.
Wonderful TW! Thank you, Skip.
Thought I would add more to “For the ‘ezer kenegdo, happiness is being found in the presence of the Father.”
I went through such a journey; had plenty in terms of “wealth”, three beautiful houses, one a beach-house where we stayed over when we go weekend deep-sea fishing in our own private boat with two other families.
We travel annually, business-class, round the world on not short, but 4-6 weeks’ long holidays, staying in top notch hotels, not sparing on expenses on meals either. We drove the most expensive and latest car, and chauffeur-driven too.
But, the catch is that, it was vanity of vanities without YHWH in the husband’s life. Such “happiness” is indeed short-lived. No responsibility when he did what was pleasing to himself, horse-owning/gambling, playing in stocks and shares, drinking and smoking, although a “baptised” “believer”, who had NO time, no hunger for righteousness, nor any of His ways. Very sad. Perhaps…..the idea of ‘once saved, always saved’ affected him…who knows? Except ABBA.
She “feels the impact of life without fulfillment, that was me.