Being pushed down the road
One of the frustrations of traveling and teaching is the lack of time to meditate. I’m afraid that spiritual knowledge can’t be rushed, especially in the Hebraic context where knowing is not simply gathering information but also absorbing the content into life transformation. It’s far easier to accumulate books, audio files and web pages than it is to live what you learn. Constant movement from one airport to another, one venue to another, does not facilitate this transformation. In addition, feeling the pressure to produce something “new” for each group of eager learners often puts enormous strain on my personal time of reflection. Yes, I can produce, but I am often keenly aware of the disconnect between my words and my deeds even if my audience is impressed by the delivery. There are many occasions when all I want to do is cry, collapse, be sheltered and know that you, all of you, will still find me acceptable. Perhaps this is an age-old dysfunctional psychic reality of those who spend their lives on the “stage.”
Please understand that I am not complaining. I love what I do. I feel born to it. It is the most rewarding, most exhilarating thing I have ever done and I have no intention of stopping—ever. But it exhausts me, and that leaves me vulnerable to all kinds of substitute comforting behaviors. Your excitement about what I learn and share pushes me down the road to discover more, until I too feel overwhelmed, inadequate and confused. I might be one step ahead, if even that, but as I run I also fall down. Sometimes with significant bruising. I am so grateful that I am pushed. Perhaps feeling pushed is merely an internal mechanism. I am sure that if I asked, you would all say, “Hey, slow down. Relax. We aren’t going away.” But I suffer from the “not good enough” syndrome, a self-inflicted disease that keeps me wondering if the next time I will fail you. It’s time for me to confront that demon before it really does kill me.
So I am going away. Just for a few days. To a safe place where I can deal with who I have made myself to be in order to avoid all these feelings of inadequacy. A place where what I know may become who I really am, deeply from the inside. I have no guarantee that this will happen, but I know it is time to try. I am reaching burn-out, not because I travel too much but because I feel too little.
Just say a prayer for me if you think about it. I’ll be back after awhile and we will continue.
I love all of you. Thank you.
Skip
We all love and pray for you too
hope you get rested and refreshed,
prayers, thoughts, love and support from the UK where we all agree you are way more than good enough!
Simon
Simon,
Did you get my email? You guys OK?
So appreciate today’s comment and praying for a refreshing down time for you Skip. Be blessed as you rest.
Skip thank you for being open enough to share this with us. I will be praying for you…
Once in a while, go back to basics, Skip. We are meant to be inadequate, only Yeshua is adequate. Go back to the blood…. only His is sufficient! Ours carries death, because we inherit it from our father. His is pure life, because He got it from His father! He is our Passover sacrifice, we have to put His blood on the doorposts of our life and stay in all night……
Completely identifies with this Skip and will offer prayers on your behalf. Thanks for being vulnerable.
Unconditional love and acceptance ……take all the time you need. So appreciate your words and openness ….. Shalom shalom
Skip, I call you by your first name not out of disrespect but because I feel I have grown a personal relationship by reading and receiving communications from you on a daily basis. You are in my prayers and as I pray I will asked that you are refreshed and given what you need In your time of solitude.
Lifting you up and praying for you, as you would and do for us. Thanks for the honesty and openness.
My prayers for you to be ministered to byGods angels as you seperate yourself from the race oflife . Servants need a timeto recoup . Blessings to you and the family this Christmas season and always .
“Come apart “…before you come apart. We love you Skip and know we follow you not just for the food you fill us with daily, (though nutritious and delectable) but because YOU have been made, (not just ‘good enough’) but glorious in His sight by Yeshua HaMashiach. Glory in that.
Spend all the time you need at Jabbok. I suspect you will return to us with a limp. Prayers are with you!
Shalom
Godspeed
Thank you, Skip, for being so open. Rest in His grace and mercy. His peace. Just be. That’s usually where He meets us. I am so thankful for His work through you.
I was forced to take time out – Shingles on right side of face and in my right eye……… it stopped me dead and it made me re-assess who I am how much HE loves to just spend time with us alone. May you and He just spend time together….Solomons Song 2: 11-13 …….May you know his love for you and his total acceptance of you.
Prayers accompany you . . . may you find your limp!
Hey Skip,
I hope you take your time, and all the time you need. You are doing great!
Our BROTHER! My Brother! Oh my soul identifies in the smallest way and it must be hard for you! We are praying for you and will continue to lift you higher and higher into His Capable Hands! Rest! We will sit quietly with you, storming Heavens Gates for a full restoration. Amen.
Shalom
Thank you for your vulnerability. Sometimes, that is the lesson! May YHVH restore you, bless you and teach you even to the marrow of your bones. It’s a great season to go hide somewhere. Will be praying for alignment between head and heart (for all of us too)!! Shalom
Exo. 20:8 “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9 “Six days you shall labor and do all your work,
10 but the seventh day is a sabbath of the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you.
11 “For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.”
I don’t have the verses handy, but even Yahshua and the disciples needed to get away from the crowds for a little R&R at at least one point, so He set the perfect example for what we need to do at times. Shalom, Skip.
How blessed we are to have a Teacher who is smart, but how much more blessed are we to have a Teacher who is kind. Already prayed for you Skip and gonna keep on praying for our wonderful Teacher!
Clearly, this is the wisdom from above. Our prayers are with you for wholeness.
YHVH bless you, Skip.
I have prayed for you and thanked God for your ministry daily for several years, and now I will also pray that your request for refreshing will be answered.
Skip, you are so loved. May God bless you on your journey and may you find peace and renewal in His love.
Go, Brother. Wherever you go, we all will be with you somehow. We love you.
Thanks for loving us. Go discover some wonder.
May God go with you and keep you. He does His best work in the desert although it can be a tough place. You will return refreshed and renewed and you have an amazing bunch of people who love you. I am honored to be among them.
Shalom Skip.
Catch you on the back side!
Skip, I wish there was some way I could bless you half as much as you have blessed me. In a way I hope your absence is absence from these posts as well. I do pray that you will be strengthened and encouraged.
I love you brother.
Skip, Thank You…you have made a difference.. Take care of yourself and family…Think about Yah and yourself…be calm…all is ok..
Go as Yashua did and Paul go find your refreshing. And thank you for forcing me to be honest with myself. Too much head knowledge. We all need more heart knowledge. Shalom Skip