Being pushed down the road
One of the frustrations of traveling and teaching is the lack of time to meditate. I’m afraid that spiritual knowledge can’t be rushed, especially in the Hebraic context where knowing is not simply gathering information but also absorbing the content into life transformation. It’s far easier to accumulate books, audio files and web pages than it is to live what you learn. Constant movement from one airport to another, one venue to another, does not facilitate this transformation. In addition, feeling the pressure to produce something “new” for each group of eager learners often puts enormous strain on my personal time of reflection. Yes, I can produce, but I am often keenly aware of the disconnect between my words and my deeds even if my audience is impressed by the delivery. There are many occasions when all I want to do is cry, collapse, be sheltered and know that you, all of you, will still find me acceptable. Perhaps this is an age-old dysfunctional psychic reality of those who spend their lives on the “stage.”
Please understand that I am not complaining. I love what I do. I feel born to it. It is the most rewarding, most exhilarating thing I have ever done and I have no intention of stopping—ever. But it exhausts me, and that leaves me vulnerable to all kinds of substitute comforting behaviors. Your excitement about what I learn and share pushes me down the road to discover more, until I too feel overwhelmed, inadequate and confused. I might be one step ahead, if even that, but as I run I also fall down. Sometimes with significant bruising. I am so grateful that I am pushed. Perhaps feeling pushed is merely an internal mechanism. I am sure that if I asked, you would all say, “Hey, slow down. Relax. We aren’t going away.” But I suffer from the “not good enough” syndrome, a self-inflicted disease that keeps me wondering if the next time I will fail you. It’s time for me to confront that demon before it really does kill me.
So I am going away. Just for a few days. To a safe place where I can deal with who I have made myself to be in order to avoid all these feelings of inadequacy. A place where what I know may become who I really am, deeply from the inside. I have no guarantee that this will happen, but I know it is time to try. I am reaching burn-out, not because I travel too much but because I feel too little.
Just say a prayer for me if you think about it. I’ll be back after awhile and we will continue.
I love all of you. Thank you.
Skip
Shalom, Skip. Take as much time as you need and know that you and the family will be in our prayers. And if you ever feel the need to come Down Under for a holiday, know that you’ll have a bed here whenever you need it. 😉
Perhaps it is time to “skip”. Just enjoy the freedom of the moment as one skips.
Skipping makes for smiles, it has been too long……be blessed my friend.
Shalom
Go in peace my brother, and may you rest in the fathers breast , and the loving caresses of his arms around you , we’ll be praying for you SHALOM!
Lord, thank you for Skip . It’s not easy doing all that he does and feeling the weight of trying to teach others. I pray for Your shalom to rest on him. Be with him and reassure him of Your presence and love.
Lord, reveal to him those places that he needs more of You. Encourage his heart that he is in the center of Your will and refresh him, even in only a few days because a day is like a thousand years to You so give him a 3-day special!!!! Thank you Lord.
We love you, Skip. Thank you for pouring yourself out over and over again. That’s what we are ALL meant to do for each other, using our own specific gifts and talents. Now retreat to a desolate place and be comforted by your Father. We will all be here when you return. I’m praying for you.
Shalom, Skip. May you find shelter in the Tabernacle of YHWH and may He reinvigorate you with His strength.
Be still and know I AM…I know I took some liberty there, but let Him fill you up and then the overflow will pour out all that you so want for others. Rest in the shelter of His love. That’s all that really matters. Just make Him room.
Immanuel.
Skip, one of my Rabbi’s and his wife
teach – take care of yourself first
otherwise you really can’t take care of others as they need.
The other Rabbi takes time to check
what he truly believes and takes
the time to meditate and also teaches meditation.
You are doing something important for yourself. I agree with statement
made to ״Skip״ . Skip like a kid and take time to be one. Let things hang loose. Become like your name.
Enjoy Chanukah. Light candles
And let the light penetrate.
Lindy
I cannot imagine what it must be like to be pulled in a thousand different directions, drained intellectually, emotionally, physically, spiritually…over the long term you just get diluted! It’s clear from all the above responses how much you are loved, respected and appreciated. Thank you for all you do and have done within this community (may God bless her and all who sail in her :-)). God bless you richly, brother.
Please be refreshed in Him. If we are human and truthful, we all need it.
Eat, Sleep and Drink SHALOM!
Going on two years, “Today’s Word” has been my morning bread during my morning Garden walk (3 miles to start my day talking with Yehovah)… it’s always something nourishing to chew on. Not since Oswald Chambers have i come across something so rich, and even more, theologically rich due to the Hebraic worldview. Thanks for giving out Skip; take all the time needed to fill back up. What you are studying/forming/writing will endure for generations!
I am praying for you. Our tears will fall on Jesus feet in your behalf.
Good Morning Skip,
I was so glad to read this morning that you’re planning to take some “Skip Time.” I know John would be pleased as well, (if he were here) to read about you “Being Pushed Down the Road.”
I’ll be praying and trusting that God will honor and guide your intentions to realign your compass with His. May your time with Him (and yourself) be sweet, productive, God honoring, and painful (in a good way.)
Keep in mind, “just for a few days” might not be enough. Feelings are often the first to go and can be the last to return. A wise person told me that once. I think you know who he is. 🙂
I will also lift up Rosanne in prayer. I know all of this impacts her life as well.
Blessings my friend.
We do appreciate you. Thank you for who you are and what you do. I tell my husband, when I reference you (which I frequently do 🙂 that I have just learned so much from you…not very common. Like you have shared before, it is the Direction. ..and we all have to refocus occasionally. Thank you for being real and sharing so we can keep you in our prayers.
The eternal question. Am I good enough. Do I have what it takes. God will answer. Yes. He will restore the fierc warrior we are all Kent to be.
Shalom and Shalom.
Jesus also needed time of quiet reflection with The Father & often would withdraw away for a while to a quiet place to be refreshed. There is no shame nor guilt in having to do so. May you feel the loving arms of Jesus wrap around you as you do so. Psalm 23. We thank you for the work that you do.
Enjoy your time off. You deserve it! Thank you for your hard work this year.
I pray that you will find s restful time in His a Presence as He prepares you for an expanded territory.
We will be praying for you skip.
How utterly refreshing! Thanks for making this an acceptable practice for us all, Skip. Much appreciation.
“For with much wisdom comes much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases pain.” Kohelet 1:18. I have had a similar feeling lately on a much smaller scale since I am involved in two classes in the Jewish community that are exposing me to both people who are ignorant of the Torah and people who challenge me to apply in a deeper realistic way the fundamental commandments of God. Along with this I am a volunteer at a Jewish library and cultural center and have the opportunity to explore all kinds of information not available to most people and thus to cause me to want to really understand who God wants us to be in this particular time in history. I am also being challenged in my return to the Torah perspective by Christian friends and family. I’m doing this while I am cooking and washing and cleaning and responding to the needs of the many friends and family that are either severely ill or suffering from the loss of loved ones and my husband and I have been doing this for about 25 years. Recently I was reminded by one of my teachers and by the words of Bonhoffer that when the crush of circumstances occurs and your mind is confused and can’t seem to stay spiritually attuned that your comfort and return to peace is then centered in the ritiuals of daily life that have been developed to connect your body to the Creator of the Universe. Things like the specific prayers for certain times of day and knowing the issues of each season of the Festival Cycle so that you can leave aside the issues that are not of that season. Skip this is the perfect time of year to be overwhelmed and to stop and hide out. In Israel Hanukkah is the time that the winter wheat is buried in the ground to wait for its time to burst forth between Pesac and Shavuot. Go read the books from Neot Kedumim and becomforted that you are right in sync with this season.
This is so good to hear, Skip!
I think it’s just called ‘being human’ …. many blessings of refreshment Skip!
Thank you for your obedience. May the favor of YHVH rest upon you. Shalom Shalom brother.
After 13 years of daily writing a Today’s Word (with only a few misses, guests or rewinds), I think everyone here would say you are more than welcome to a retreat. Be Blessed. Be Happy. Shalom
Today as always you wrote a much needed lesson for our meditation, and now by example you are reminding us how to do the lesson. Thank you.
Be well. Praying for you.
Skip… No Truer Words Ever Came From The Lips Of A Man In A Quest Of The Divine… I Have Discovered That Inadequacy Seems To Become All That Comes Into View, The Moment We Discover How Similar Yet So Inadequately Different We Are Than The Master… Rest My Dear Brother… You Are Oh So Important To Those Of Us Who Are “In Search Of A City Whose Builder And Maker Is G-D”… Thank You Skip… We Are All Crying Out For You…
Skip — Prayers for you — asking that you are granted all you need by the One who loves you beyond all others.