Disappointment
And he went outside and wept bitterly. Luke 22:62 NIV
Bitterly – “I’ll never break my vow to you!” “You can count on my word.” “I will always be there for you.” Promises—broken.
Have you ever made a solemn commitment to someone only to find that later you broke your vow? How did you feel? Ashamed? Guilty? Embarrassed? Humiliated? Now imagine what you might have felt if at the moment of making your promise the other person responded, “I hear what you say, but it will not be true. You will betray me despite your good intentions. You just aren’t the kind of person you think you are.” How would that make you feel?
You might get angry. “How can you say such a thing?! Of course I will keep my promise!” But underneath your protests you know that there is truth in the reply. Deep down, in that place you have so carefully hidden away, there is a strain of personal protection at any cost—even the cost of your friendship.
You might be traumatized. Just the fact that your friend sees right into the depths of your conflicted character is shamefully embarrassing. You really didn’t do such a great job of portraying bravado and undying commitment. He (or she) saw the fatal flaw better than you did.
You might react with bitter weeping. Why? Because in one sentence your friend undid years of trying to overcome that terrible battle with the yetzer ha’ra. In one sentence your friend uncovered your most shameful secret—you too have doubts about yourself. Maybe you just aren’t capable after all. Maybe you can never be the man you wanted to be. Maybe it’s just too late and there’s no sense in trying any more.
Peter wept bitter tears after his denial of Yeshua, but perhaps those tears were not solely about his action. The text says that he remembered what Yeshua told him. Perhaps remembering he realized that before the predicted event even occurred he was assessed and found wanting. Yeshua saw some deep personal flaw before anything happened. And Peter brushed it off—until afterward. Then he knew that his action grew out of self -protection. When Yeshua evaluated Peter’s loyalty, there was no sin to repent. No forgiveness to ask. He didn’t argue the point. He didn’t walk away in self-righteous indignation. He didn’t offer excuses. He accepted everything Yeshua said as a legitimate characterization of who he was, not what he might do. He was a betrayer. He was unreliable. He was a lot of talk but little allegiance. The Master, the one he desperately wanted to acknowledge him, saw something terrible in him, so terrible that it felt like a blow to the sternum. He was in shock because the bottom line, the very bottom line, is that he was not worthy! He had been rejected as a failure. In the end, he wasn’t able. The subsequent denial was the inevitable consequence of inner failure. Bitter weeping wasn’t just about saying those words, “I never knew him.” Bitter weeping was about the truth—he wasn’t the man he pretended to be.
Have you felt that way before the Lord? Have you heard him say, “You won’t live up to your promise. I know who you really are—and you aren’t going to make it.” Peter went out and wept bitterly. I would too. Until the Master tells us what he really sees, we are likely to listen to our own inflated assessment. But when he speaks, there are usually tears.
Topical Index: wept bitterly, eklausen pirkos, self-assessment, promise, vow, Luke 22:62
There is any doubt about it. We are fragile creatures. No matter how much we ‘buff-out’, ‘glam-out, ‘check-out’ or just plain ‘shout’, we are fragile to the core. And so, we will often, maybe most of the time, attempt to hide from everyone, our core weakness. We live our lives carrying around a façade of inner strength, when in actuality, we are one incident, one stress point from a ‘mental breakdown’; a ‘core breakdown’. For many, the answer is medications to mask what is really going on. Our ‘meds’ keep us going; keep us in the game. We think we are stabilized, but our core remains the same. Fragile and often broken. In church-world, we believe that all we need to do is become more spiritual, more godly (whatever that means) or more mindful of our savior. But unless my ‘church-world’ is different than most, our Zoloft, Prozac and Lexapro prescriptions are filled just as frequently as in the un-churched world. We are weak creatures at our core, where our greatest strength should be. The good news is, God loves to work through his human creatures and maybe especially, through the weakest of them. It’s the admission of weakness that is our stumbling block. We all suffer from the same affliction on inner weakness, notwithstanding what we try to present to the world and our work-place. So let’s admit the truth, ask God for help and Spirit and really find out what we are capable of as His image bearers.
Hi David and all. I wish. If we would just become vulnerable with one another. It is difficult for us to own our emotions even the ‘good’ ones much less own our weaknesses. After I read the chapter on pathos in The Prophets, I was like wow, no wonder we are so shutdown! What would our world look like if we became honest with one another??
Like Peter, each of us must ultimately face the painful realization
that we are intrinsically impoverished by our own self-proficiency.
To this day, I still clamor within myself to fully understand the Master’s
own words: “I can of Myself do nothing.”
Yet, by faith, and His wondrous grace, He has delivered me from my personal
bankruptcy, whereby I now know: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Let’s not kid each other. Getting to the place of true repentance is a tough, tough journey.
Scripture notes it took Peter 3 times. I confess to many, many more.
But it’s done!
(“It is finished!”)
My thoughts exactly Rich.
~ Depart from me, O LORD, for I am a sinful man. ~ Have these words ever proceeded from your heart and from your lips? It really is not about how sinful we are, (just the facts, ma’am) but how holy He is. The demons believe in Him, but even they do us one step better — they “tremble.” Gotta ask; inquiring minds (like me) want to know.. Why? What do they know, that (apparently) we don’t?
Friend, is it just me? Or are there others? Oh yes, we will give a little nod of the head or perhaps a fleeting Christmastime “feel good” moment for the little lamb in the manger scene. But this meek and mild, gentle and kind, (always) good Shepherd, has another side to Him, a side that some, (no, all) will soon see — the Lamb is also the Lion.
Dear Skip Moen, community of truth compassion request for all those that can pray. Tuesday in our non religious , secular insurance prescribed mental health grieving group, one of our people was MIA, after our session , a search out side the bldg in the the normal secular smoking areas not found, then a person from the group saw this person’s vehicle ,found a corps dead in the car. Apparently that had been there in 105 degrees for hours. Police, EMT responders, came , we all watched , and tried to comfort, the family was called .. very poor family watching as they saw their parent dead in a parking space was, horrific..
As the family members wept repeated and said the name of OH! G_D as she new him and blamed him and cursed him , not knowing how to express this deep pain he was the place of blame,. Seeing the parent now dead , the body covered and in between two cars , we were all in shock, said our good byes.
For some minimizing non feeling, trite responses , was a way of comfort, I see the white cement faces of stone, in shock, fear tears, a life we knew day before that was light in our group and seek healing now gone. We asked our mental health origination, for help with joining us to get meals , support, grief support prayers for this family which was against HIPPA regulations. I ask for what we can do Pray , Please pray for this family that dose not know G_D , there help, healing, comfort ,consolation , hearts to know him in a way they can understand. Be thankful for every moment, don’t leave relationship’s undone . Thank you .
CW my prayer is for you to be the strength and guide they need to find the truth of God’s love as in your actions they will find and see the radiance of God’s peace.
Hello CW, May the Great Physcian provide healing for all those affected. Lifting you up in prayer. John 5:1-9. Shalom
Four words say it all. “but God is Faithful..” (1 Corinthians 10.13) These four, no more. This is what we need to know, – up close and personal. It’s not about me, and not about him or her either. Peter’s failure was “out there” for all to see.. – I’m so glad my foibles failures and follies (aka “sins”) are for the most part – private. David’s confession was “against You and You only have I sinned and have done this evil in Your sight.” David, “a man after God’s own heart,” knew He had caused grief and gave God cause for great sorrow. Btw, sorrow follows sin as night follows day! No one, (no, not one) sins with impunity, for the Scriptures state – “you may be sure your sin will find you out!” was not written for the sake of one man “way back then” but applies to each of us today!
Time for “good news?” “But God is Faithful.!!” Yes, “Semper Fi!” – Always Faithful!!
~ If we confess our sins, He is Faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness ~
(1 John 1.9)
Restoration of Relationship
In seven words: — “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned..”
At times, if not oftentimes, we forget that ABBA reads us like a book, so no pretending, nor hiding from Him.
Though troubled and not comprehending the situation, Peter was at his weakest point. It would have been a great mixture of confused emotions within him. Without so much as a second thought, he denied to defend his life.
Then he remembered!! And it broke his heart in realization of what he had done. HalleluYAH!
May ABBA constantly bring us to remembrancer of things we have done displeasing /offensive to Him, and others, that we may weep bitterly too as did Peter, in repentance.
Shalom!