The End of the Individual
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 NASB
Be joined – We can hardly overemphasize the minimization that occurs when the Hebrew verb dabak is translated in this seminal verse. NASB suggests, “be joined.” ESV “hold fast.” NIV “is united.” NLT “is joined.” The Orthodox Jewish Bible, “cleave.” None really come close to the meaning under the Hebrew umbrella.
Dabak is the action of attaching yourself to another as an expression of total unselfishness. It is the exact opposite of looking out for yourself. It is absolute commitment to the other person even when that commitment means your own interests are jeopardized. Dabak may be first recognized in marriage, but it is also critically essential for the existence of any society. It is basically the ability to identify yourself with the other person, to live in his or her shoes, to see the world from his or her point-of-view without condemnation. Dabak undermines self-interest and sets aside individuality. It is exactly what the Greek-based world does not do. We might alter the Greek motto from “Man is the measure of all things,” to “The other man is the measure of all things.”
Luzzatto’s book, Mesillat Yesharim, solidifies this point. For me to experience the presence of God, I must give myself to the world of my neighbor. Not only is my self-consciousness dependent upon the world of others, so is my spiritual awareness. There is no follower of YHVH in solitude. In fact, solitude is the equivalent of being cut off from God, being put outside the camp, segregated from YHVH’s interaction with His people.
Perhaps this is why dabak is also a defining verb for a relationship with God. Too often we imagine that our relationship with YHVH is about our benefits. We trust Him so that we are saved, we get to heaven, we are healed, we are blessed, we are forgiven—or whatever else we get. But this is not a dabak relationship at all. The true relationship with the Father is about how we identify with Him, how we fulfill His purposes, how we bless His name. Spiritual awareness leads to loss of self. That does not mean I cease to exist, as some great mystics teach. It means that I exist for the sake of the other, whether it be God or men. We have such a tragic and terrible absence of this sentiment and action in our world that we hardly recognize it anymore. We are the children of Sodom, living for what we can get. No wonder God asks us to be set apart.
According to Genesis, all of this begins with marriage. Be joined, united, cleave—none of these words begin to describe living with another in a way that submerges myself in favor of the other. But what is marriage apart from this. Economic cooperation? Sexual experimentation? Mutual agreement? A cooperative venture? Is that what we really wanted? Or did we long for someone who knows us as we are and attempts at every moment to become who we are?
Topical Index: marriage, dabak, cleave, join, Genesis 2:24
I have had a question with this verse. I know the context of this is about Adam. BUT what about the woman in this? Can she cleave to her mother and father and just the man has to, ‘cut the umbilical cord’ if you will? In you post you allude to it not mattering the sex. Also at this point there is no, ‘mother and father’ other then earth because that is what Adam is taken out of. So figuring that God didn’t make a mistake and was giving us some knowledge here, must have meant just man? I would agree that it would go for both man and woman but it only states man in the verse. What say you?
All this and more is covered in my lectures and video on ezer kenegdo
Marriage is God’s prototype for living.
Romans 12 is an excellent blueprint.
And a transformed life of faith is how it’s done.
Hi Skip and others,
I have a new appreciation for what occurs with Genesis 2-24. Especially, seeing the action of “dabak” as unselfish in choosing to form attachment with God and a Significant Other. I read Psalm 1 earlier today and “dabak” seems to tell the follower of YHVH to not hang out with scoffers and the wicked, but find delight both in reflecting on Torah and in attaching your life to other followers of YHVH! Truly, thanks!!
David R
The word, “Spiritual awareness leads to loss of self” encourages me to continue focusing on my Messiah (in stead of myself).
Shalom.
The true relationship is how we identify with YHVH…
Matt 7 go away I know you not..
How sad will this day be when we have done all we could to find his favour when it is about identifying with Him.
Something like being introduced through the scriptures is a beginning-Genesis. Staying together through studying discussion sharing etc is progress. While promoting each other is salvation-Success.
If this be the purpose of the calling reminding etc then it is a sad reality that the records left for us to work from are so outdated -need to go back in time to understand.
This just then says we have not proceeded past the bringing together stage.
Skip you previously commented Tough Love. Humble and meek is what we need to become to start identifying with… And the word took on flesh and we become – sons and daughters.
Implying that if we still need the scriptures, someone to remind us and teach us, we have not yet identified or covenanted with YHVH…
No I believe I understand this wrong because YHVH is there as father, mother and doctor… Or is it only those called and added to the body… In Me I and Father in you… Or is this all what Crossing is all about…
Being identified as sojourners and doers…
Seeker the essential meaning is not outdated, the guidelines are for us to continually learn through the ways shown to us so that we can keep trying to improve. If I say ‘love’ is the law, what do I mean ? If we only adopt conventional meanings we might consider how much meaning is substantially forgone
And if it means feeling good temporarily but not trying when we don’t always feel good, was there any meaning besides expedience. I won’t say this means keeping the guidelines is always easy or that I am somehow good at fulfilling what I’ve learned by reflecting on their meaning but without their guidelines how well do we suppose one will fare ? The answer to this rhetoric is best answered by posing a more pressing question – how well do many fare with the guidelines. If the meaning of love is not taken seriously and over and above the swaying of the heart then we will find keeping the essential meaning that much more unnecessarily difficult
it is very important to find within the Scriptures how love is explained, how we are shown by the Messiah’s elucidations of the principles how love is truly produced, love is not (only) velleity, it is an attempt derived from awareness of the principles to apply in our life and which will often prove difficult and all too contrary to our interests
we might say the value of the Scriptures is not only the examples and explanations, which help qualify and given relevance to ideas, but also the radical awareness of the essential meaning shown to us by the Messiah’s explanations. For example, one of the very first teachings is on the commandment not to kill, but Jesus expands on this meaning, it means, not to harm, and yet there is much more, how do we harm (how we produce the opposite of the law) ? Even calling others names can violate the essential principle of the traditional commandment not to kill
we are to derive from the Scriptures the fullest possible awareness of the Torah, and it comes at a certain price, we are trying to walk into the Kingdom as humble, contrite and broken carers. It is not easy, but now is a good time to start trying, to start given the meaning of the Scriptures the seriousness we want God to have with us
love is being understanding even when others are not understanding, and thus being kind, forgiving, merciful and trying to improve in these ways
the essential meaning is already rare, not just in the ‘world’, but in the belief. We can say we don’t need the Scriptures but how true does this ring, have we really learnt so well on our own (that is, we can say the value remains inconsequential) ? They help us better understand, they are not definitive as written text is not exhaustive of possible meaning but the value contained within is vital (if not complex in depth beyond the individual capacity of any lifetime) in helping us to fully recognise how we should hope to learn
Then said he unto them, Therefore every scribe which is instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure things new and old.
(Matthew 13:52)
Teth Thank you for a very thorough thought over respons. Your love for the word of God is well illustrated in your comments.
I am following the trend and have also wondered what happened to that support our grandparents had… and guess what I… my generation happened. I am responsible for caring more about me than the community well-being. I believe it is this that I am struggling to say goodbye to as I doubt on being called or saved.
caring for the community includes our family, friends and pets or animals (Proverbs 12:10), as with every person
whilst we often look afield to see how we can serve we could also consider whether it is those immediately near us with whom we can genuinely start practising the essential guidelines. This can mean trying to improve our tone and mannerisms with those we often converse with. Even these minor (putatively speaking) changes can be incrementally important, but there is a warning here, if we change our demeanor it is not to be for a moment before we return to old ways. We might not always be perfect but when we try to improve our conduct with our everyday interactions let’s try to keep working on it, that means we might spend weeks or months or longer being less than perfect but actually still conscious of this difference and still changing.
I find that some changes are indirect, even as we are focused we don’t always see the types of changes that are underway until one day we realise certain attitudes or ideas have been remedied ‘along the way’
so whilst I don’t mean to discount the value or relevance of involving oneself in community service this same ideal really does begin with our family and friends
I can also suggest insofar as helping the community is an important idea in my experience the oat or muesli bar boxes (i.e. five or more bars in a box) that can be purchased from supermarkets are both convenient and responsible methods for having some measure of offering available. If we can take a few of these bars in our bags when we travel and see those who would be in need we can offer a number of bars and whatever else (i.e. fruit, change, etc etc) as a form of humble charity (it is of paramount importance to be humble and conscientious when offering to others)
just having a few simple oat or muesli bars in one’s bag (also assuming this is within one’s usual means to begin with), as an example, for when we typically commute or travel is a very useful way of being able and prepared to offer good-will and assistance – to tangibly partake of the guidance the Scriptures have given us (Micah 6:8, Zechariah 7:9, Hosea 10:12, Psalm 18:25, Luke 6:35 – 36)
so we are all imperfect, I’m surprised at the enduring nature of my own flaws, but we can and should keep trying, with family and all others, with kindness, respect and good-will and likewise to those in need. Whilst we are flawed, whilst we are not perfect, there are ways to learn to improve and to do what is right
Interesting how your thoughts are in line with what I find to work best, the beggar by the robot. An apple a day, the mother a box of cereals etc. Never ever money for that ends in drugs and alcohol usage…
Our family… Is this not the reason why the NT scribes remind us that we must not forget them when caring for the “extended” brotherhood. And it is for this reason that we should not neglect to come together… not to only worship or glorify God but to determine the natural necessities we can help each other with…
Not tithes or offerings but support and catering for each others survival necessities…
Thank you for the response may God bless you in your endeavours to reveal the fruit of the spirit.
the suggestions about the practicality of having muesli bars and the likes available are because these are tangible and somewhat economical methods many can participate in, others might find more practical and suitable ways to do the same. But in general these methods seem useful in a variety of situations
Tithing is, in my view, charity, I think it is the..Didascalia which speaks of widows and those in need as becoming the altars for our offerings:
http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/5183-didascalia#anchor11
and that much seems to be akin to Christian notions, though the sentiment obviously occurs before then (Micah 6:6 -8)
Although granted historically tithing was a specially regulated practise and there are no Levites in the original and formal sense of meaning
In any case, concerning money, if possible and depending on circumstances I won’t necessarily hold back, I tend to think it is their money, if they will buy drugs or smoke or what be, that is their choice, it is their money ! Of course some discretion is required, where it might outright produce significant harm, but otherwise, just I would hope for some measure of autonomy it is not for me to presume to judge and regulate others
Very open and honest mindset. Tithing is needed when teaching the scriptures are the only lifeskill mastered Rabbi etc. ..
“Man and woman are two elements of the same original union. ………..
Davaq (dalet-bet-qof) shows us a door to a house behind. In Hebrew, the future is behind us, out of our sight. We can see where we have been, but we are not able to see where we are going. . This word is the picture of a new home, one that is in the future, behind us. ” p. 117 Guardian Angel.
“Marriage is supposed to be the incarnation of shalom in human form. ……….
It is the voluntary reunion of submitted partners to inner and outer shalom as primary display of God’s glory. The basar of marriage reflects the unity of the Creator” P. 312-13 Guardian Angel
I just wanted to acknowledge your wonderful book, Guardian Angel. If only more couples were aware of this biblical model.
For me right now, I guess I am being somewhat selfish with my relationship with God. I do tend to think more about how it has benefited me. BUT it is so wonderful to be in His presence. I do see myself as a work in process and moving more and more toward your words from today:
“Perhaps this is why dabak is also a defining verb for a relationship with God. Too often we imagine that our relationship with YHVH is about our benefits. We trust Him so that we are saved, we get to heaven, we are healed, we are blessed, we are forgiven—or whatever else we get. But this is not a dabak relationship at all. The true relationship with the Father is about how we identify with Him, how we fulfill His purposes, how we bless His name. Spiritual awareness leads to loss of self.”
Others”
Lord help me live from day to day
In such a self-forgetful way
That even when I kneel to pray
My prayer shall be for – Others.
Help me in all the work I do
To ever be sincere and true
And know that all I do for you
Must needs be done for – Others.
Let “Self” be crucified and slain
And buried deep; and all in vain
May efforts be to rise again
Unless to live for – Others.
And when my work on earth is done
And my new work in heaven’s begun
May I forget the crown I’ve won
While thinking still of – Others.
Others, Lord, yes others
Let this my motto be
Help me to live for others
That I may live like Thee.
By Charles D. Meigs (written sometime between 1890 and 1902)
This is a beautiful verse, directed to men only, as most women readily follow her husband leaving her parents than most men.
“Not only is my self-consciousness dependent upon the world of others, so is my spiritual awareness..There is no follower of YHVH in solitude”, if there is no one to eagerly, knowledgeably discuss issues with, or to share what we perceived spiritually in areas of understanding a verse, or a situation of sharing burdens, there will be no further enriching experience in broadening our growth in maturity.
It is so much more challenging to have interesting meaningful group discussions, having a willingly ear to hear someone else’s perspective, or thoughts other than our own, learning at the same time to respect, to be corrected, exercising chesed and chen (grace) with each other. That brings about bonding too in precious relationships.
“We are the children of Sodom, living for what we can get” is sadly not an understatement. Self is HUGE.
Even marriage is for self, what and how I can benefit from it; if the other party is not considered with kindness and gentleness but in a lording over, senseless to the feelings of the other, that marriage relationship is not genuine.
Hi Skip, seeing you on Facebook the very first time. Thank you, I’d been reading your pages old and new. I’m particularly touched by ‘Dabak being the exact opposite of looking out for yourself. It is absolute commitment to the other person even when that commitment means your own interests are jeopardized’. I need this description badly in order to understand what Yehoshua meant when He said ‘die to self’. One time, I heard Him audibly saying sternly, “If you do not deny yourself, you cannot follow Me.” I was trembling as I went (And must be resisting Him and quenching His word too much). Great way to go, quite hard to do. Some of the good things I do is about looking out for myself?.
Hey Skip! Not seeing you on Facebook! I’m seeing you on skipmoen.com! Hehe!