The Happiness Addict
And you shall rejoice in all the good that God your God has given you and your family. Deuteronomy 26:11 (JLI)
Given – “No one leaves this world with even half of his desires fulfilled.”[1] Why? Because we are happiness addicts and like all addictions, tolerance increases our desire in proportion to its fulfillment. No matter what we are able to acquire, we always adjust our desire for more. Consequently, we never achieve the level of fulfillment we think we must have despite the fact that we continue to acquire. The happiness addict is just as addicted as the drug addict. What satisfied yesterday will not satisfy today. More is required.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi notes that the rise of prosperity in the Western world is greater than it has ever been in human history. So is the rise in depression. He asks the simple question, “If we are so rich, why aren’t we happy?” The simple answer (with incredibly complex application) is that desires can never be satisfied. They always exceed the ability to fulfill them. Desires are like She’ol, an open pit most willing to receive all who step that way. The first step facing happiness addicts is recognizing the difference between desire and need. The next is to shift the trajectory of my life so that I express gratitude for the fulfillment of my needs.
The commandment to rejoice in what the Lord has given you includes the verb natan. While there is a great variation in the translations of this word, TWOT notes that, “every meaning given this verb can in fact be seen as a literal or figurative action of the hand.”[2] With this in mind, we might think of everything that comes to us from the open hand of God. Of course, we should not limit our thinking to only those things we consider beneficial. Sometimes the “gift” of suffering is one of our dearest blessings. And since what is good is defined by whatever God does, the only limit to God’s goodness is inattention. Everything else fits into His greater purposes of good. Essentially this allows us to rejoice and give thanks for everything we experience, for everything that sustains us. Recognizing that whatever comes from His hand is for our benefit, we are able to distinguish between need and desire. God answers our needs. Yeshua himself reiterates this point in his famous discussion of the two masters.[3] Seek first His kingdom and all these needs will be taken care of.
But desire is a different animal. It is the product of the yetzer ha’ra unconstrained by the yetzer ha’tov. Desire is my definition of good. What I discover in the pursuit of desire is that my definition has no limitation. Need is about what is essential for my life. Desire is about what I want. And “want” is insatiable.
Make two lists. On one, list the things God has given you. Thank Him for each one of the things on your list. Then ask yourself if you really need anything more.
Now make a list of all the things you still want. Compare the two. What did you find? Are there things on this list that go way beyond the gifts God has already given, the gifts you need? Look carefully. You might discover that even on this list there are a few things God gave you just because He felt generous, just because He loves you.
Then ask yourself, “How many of these things on my second list are really about me and my desires?” Do you really need them? Don’t adjust your answer to the expected reply. Be quite honest. If you find that you really do think you need them, ask yourself why?
What really makes you happy?
Topical Index: happiness, gratitude, rejoice, give, natan, Deuteronomy 26:11
[1] Midrash, Kohelet Rabah 1:13
[2] Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament. 1999 (R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer, Jr. & B. K. Waltke, Ed.) (electronic ed.) (608). Chicago: Moody Press.
[3] See the text and context of Matthew 6:33
All I need is love. Every facet of me was created for love. From my spiritual formation (which cannot even function correctly, or at all, without an endless supply), to my mental capacity, which refuses to work unless it can be convinced that love is driving the train (I cannot think a thought unless my brain ‘knows’ that it is lined up with what my heart is interpreting as love agrees with that thought), to my body, which is totally set up to respond to love, I am hardwired for love. If love is not knocking me off my feet at all times and in all ways, I am miserable at the level of believing that I am dying. Which is also correct. Love is not a want or desire: love is a need!
What are wants and desires, then? I think that they are what I create out of my belief system – my paradigm – to answer the holes in my life where love should be, but is being blocked by myself or others. They arise in that vacuum because I must put something there, but I think that they are more a symptom of a lack than they are a prescription for fulfillment. Wants and desires are what I THINK I can use to convince myself that I am loved according to my belief system, which, to the extent that it does not agree with Torah, is skewed in its assessment of what love is and where I should be in relation to it.
Success is where I have learned so much truth informing my belief system about love (Torah) that my wants and desires are indistinguishable with what I truly need. I am convinced most people go through life making poor choices because they are resisting the examination of their real needs (vulnerability) and validating them as the correct basis for those choices. Sin is where I am believing lies about love. I am tempted to sin so many times as a way to avoid admitting ‘weakness’ (need). Wants and desires reveal how near or far off base I am, which is determined by how many lies or how much truth I am running on. They are my litmus test. When I have humbled myself enough to admit the truth about myself in all my most helpless places – which are those needy places – when what I want looks just like what I need, then all the drives of my yetzer hara will have been transformed into tov, and I will no longer be losing energy tilting at all those self-created windmills.
Needs, then – not wants or desires – are where I should look to reveal what must be satisfied for me to be happy, and I must adjust my happiness to my needs. Wants and desires are totally unreliable until I have learned to only want and desire what I truly need. Not there yet!
Yes. All You Need is Love. Even Lennon-McCartney recognized this. But there is so little of it to be had. Love is growing cold as Yeshua predicted it would.
Of course, “love” also needs to be defined, doesn’t it? So many different ideas of what it really means. That’s why we must have practical, objective, identifiable examples.
The Bible I read defines love as giving ourselves up for one another as Yeshua gave His life for me.
You are right, Stan. Our biggest need (weakness) is to give and be given to. Love is the actual transmitting of one self to another. Vulnerability on both ends clears the runway for that and opens the hands – both the giving and the receiving ones – on both ends, too. Torah defines HOW that transmission happens. Everything else is illusion and insanity.
Vulnerability. You hit the target dead center.
I recently read a quote saying love expresses itself in two basic forms: the practical and the sentimental. Food, clothing, and shelter fall under the practical (Isaiah 58 is a good one.). But there’s more to love than meeting basic needs. We have hearts. Sentiment goes a long way. And this is where Laurita’s vulnerability plays.
Holy Discontentment
~ And my God will fully supply your every need according to His glorious riches in the Messiah Jesus ~ (Philippians 4.19)
He Has. He Does. He Will.
Is this true? (or not). Selah.
~ When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the LORD your God for all the good land which He has given you ~ (Deuteronomy 8.10)
Friend, have we forgotten? ~ EVERY good and perfect gift is from Above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows ~ You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing ~ (Psalm 145.15)
~ Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart ~ (Psalm 37.4)
For the only One who can satisfy the heart is the One who created it.
More about Jesus would I know,
More of His grace to others show;
More of His saving fullness see,
More of His love Who died for me.
“Lust is a lying smile.” Your words are very timely today, thank you.
In me? Or in Him?
“In Him was life and the life was the light of men.”
Hmmm.
“And you shall rejoice in all the good that God your God has given you and your family”
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path (Psa. 119:105).
Shalom.
Love that thing that gets bigger the more you try to give it away… Yet the love for everything but God seems to be wrong. Love for money. Love your mother father sister or brother more than… Or, wait, is that it? Love everything but never more than God… What then is love as it is not that misundrstanding between two people that changes everything…
Love is TO GIVE unconditionally, as a nursing mother…the more she gives the more she will have. If and when we stop giving, we will dry up.
– (blessed memory) Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
“No matter what we are able to acquire, we always adjust our desire for more.” speaks heaps. Similarly, the more assistance we give, the more is expected of us. Without show of appreciation. “And “want” and “desire” from others is insatiable.!!! That is the unthankful, untransformed, selfish nature, making demands on others. THAT is definitely NO love, nor encouraging love to grow. .
You are so right about the untransformed nature, Ester! I think about parents, however, who are striving to raise their children wisely. Do they give in to that untransformed nature? No! They reshape it into useful traits by giving their children what they NEED – and teaching them to recognize those needs, too – instead of what they think they want.
I am learning (at about the same rate as I am figuring it our for myself) to identify what others really NEED, and respectfully refrain from responding to those childish wants and desires by naming and responding to what I see they need, instead. Most people, I am finding out, are so grateful and relieved – and glad, too – that their shameful and ignorant behavior has not been reinforced by me. Still learning!
Hi Laurita, Victor Frankl might say that we express love by giving meaning to our lives which only we can discover for ourselves. This can and will change regularly, even by the moment. So we need to learn the meaning of what God meant by creating me, uniquely me, that only I can do with my life.
Having that attitude, Laurita, tells me you are a very good parent!
A definite YES to not giving in to demands of WANTS and DESIRES! Good job!! I do that as well. 🙂
Some will respond positively, others hate me for that. Shalom and hugs!
Hi, George! Nice to hear from you. Hope you and Penny have had a fabulous and cool summer way up there.
I thought, with you, that Frankl had it so close, but you know the world would not have listened to him if he had said the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – they never do, which is why the stuff can only be forced out of folks under threat in a court of law. We are that afraid of it. Sad.
Laurita I sometimes think we are afraid of being freed by the truth so we cling to the measurable, controlable human standards. As Skip reminded being free for God is experiencing how tough His love really is (own summarised version)…