Divine Sensitivity
It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, “Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples.” Luke 11:1 NASB
Pray – Perhaps you feel like I do. Tossed on the waves. Sparks flying upward. Tohu wabohu. The Bible has a compendium of phrases describing life in tension. In fact, there are days when I wonder if life here is anything but varying shades of turmoil. Certainly the ‘olam ha’ba appeals because it offers the kind of peace that seems elusive most days. It’s not because I think life should be without conflict. I’m old enough to recognize that conflict is essential. “No pain, no gain” is reality. Conflict is the means by which iron is sharpened, the roots grow deeper and life finds genuine meaning. External conflict can be invigorating, nurturing, fulfilling, even if it is difficult. It’s the internal kind that I find so debilitating. It’s the unresolved tension of psychic dissonance that pushes me toward medicating behavior, toward imagining worlds where my desire is my reward. After a bath in the warm waters of self-indulgence, I am confronted with my version of the ‘olam ha’ba, the one that takes away all this internal pain. The problem is that my version is often constructed without God. I suppose it is more like the ancient emperors’ ideas of Paradise, that place where whatever I wished to come true did. But the Bible doesn’t allow me such imaginary indulgence. It reminds me over and over that the world to come is God’s world, not mine. And then I wonder if I really know the difference.
This condition makes me cringe when I read Heschel’s comment on prayer. “To live without prayer is to live without God. No one is able to think of Him unless he has learned how to pray to Him. For this is the way man learns to think of the true God—of the God of Israel. He first is aware of His presence long before he thinks of His essence. And to pray is to sense His presence.”[1]
I feel like the disciples. Did they know how to pray? Maybe we need to ask the question a different way. They obviously knew prayers. They grew up in a Jewish way of living. They said the Shema daily. But they didn’t ask Yeshua to teach them prayers (something we should notice when we repeat the prayer he gave them). They asked him to teach them how to pray. In spite of the fact that they knew a lot of prayers, they felt something missing, the ability to enter into the presence of God. Yeshua lived in God’s presence. It seems that the disciples (and me) only visited. What they wanted, and what I desperately need, is to experience His presence. Teach me how to pray like that and I will never feel alone.
The first thing that I must notice is that I am really not alone. God is here. It’s just that I don’t feel Him being here. My theology tells me He is always present, but my heart can’t imagine that is true when I know how often I have turned away from Him. I so easily forget that even if my children are unruly and rejecting, I long to be with them. Separation from children is one of the deepest agonies one can bear. Given different circumstances, I would always have them with me. And if I feel this way, how much more must YHVH long for me. I suspect that even when I don’t find Him, He is nevertheless waiting patiently close at hand for me to open my eyes and see His passionate welcome.
Perhaps the beginning of “teach us how to pray” is really nothing more than putting aside all of the self-condemnation that prevents me from recognizing His companionship. Perhaps Heschel is right—that God longs to be in my presence far more than I seek to be in His. If this is true, then the first step in prayer is simply experiencing presence. This means stop self-condemnation, stop medicating distractions, stop listening to all the reasons God wouldn’t want to see me as I am right now. This means quieting my spirit in order to feel Him surrounding me. This means time in the closet, away from even myself, listening to the longing of the heart of God over me.
Perhaps “teach us to pray,” rather than “teach us a prayer,” has almost nothing to do with words.
Topical Index: pray, prayer, presence, Luke 11:1
[1] Abraham Heschel, Man’s Quest for God, p. 59.
Wonderful. Looking back with 20/20 vision, I can see the years I thought I was running from God were the years I was really desperately attempting to avoid all the parts of me that I was hating, and therefore attempting (against orders; which only produced even more self hatred and condemnation, of course) to self-medicate and to ‘perfect’ on my own. When I turned around at my bottom and looked (I would have kept on keeping on but I found I had run out of all those options LOL) and proceeded to take my first real good look at myself, there He was! He had never left me. I had. It was the shock of my life.
Prayer for me is the inclusion of Him in all my affairs, and every breath. That means that there is a wrong way to breathe, I am finding out (nope – not a new way to meditate, y’all). That wrong way is a breath in which I am choosing to believe things that are not true. I find I do not like what those beliefs do to my respiration, heart rate, digestion, state of mind, and I could go on. There is a wrong way to think. I am instructed to capture every thought. My mind must not be allowed to sling me around like a runaway freight train, either in pursuit of Skip’s personal olam haba (there are those self-medicating thoughts), or under victimizing siege to destructive or seducing thoughts. I must command my ship, and when I do so properly, I find that only occurs when I am acting as first mate, and not as the owner. My mind has been bought with a price! It is not really my own.
This works best the days I take the time to bring all of me to the altar and present it to Him as a living sacrifice, to perfect and to do His good pleasure. At that point, I am just along for the ride, and I find myself asking Him “what’s next? what does that mean? do You like that? did You see that? what do I do here?” I mean, when I am not the captain of my fate, I become really interested in how He is going to accomplish life for me if I stay in love. It really takes faith to stay there. I ask for that, too. In fact, everything that love requires of me takes something beyond me to accomplish, which keeps me, of necessity, close to Him, because there is my Source. Still learning!
Prayer for me works best as a running conversation. Otherwise, I keep finding myself too far behind where we are going.
Thank you
I love the imagery of ” listening to the longing of the heart of God over me ” in my longing for Him I forget so many times He longs for me….
Hello Skip and others,
I would like to think that each of YHVH’s children have a sense of what it is like to be in His Presence. Or is it that YHVH comes to be present with each of us in ways that click with our beings both as a son or daughter and as part of a collective?
I inwardly shudder when reading the account and consequences of Aaron and the wilderness sojourners constructing and worshiping the false idol. To definitely know life without the presence of YHVH is a place I hope we never succumb. Thanks and may each of us have a Shabbat spent being present with YHVH!
David
I copied the following as a note to remember from “Lectures in Old Testament Theology, by Dennis Kinlaw: “. . . not because God is hiding Himself or ‘playing hard to get.’ He wants to be found far more that we want to find Him. It is just that we are so superficial that God cannot break through to us very easily.”
Skip, this TW was written for me on this specific day. “It’s the internal kind that I find so debilitating. It’s the unresolved tension of psychic dissonance that pushes me toward medicating behavior, toward imagining worlds where my desire is my reward. After a bath in the warm waters of self-indulgence, I am confronted with my version of the ‘olam ha’ba, the one that takes away all this internal pain.”
As much as I don’t want to admit it, I have an addiction. It is nearly invisible to the outside world because I have learned to keep it that way – only my Ezer Kenegdo sees it (she is the one who exposed it!) I have argued with her that I am not an “addict” but of late it is becoming clearer and clear that, yes, indeed there is a self-medicating behavior in me. It is an eating disorder (there I said it – I have posted it to the world). I am careful with what I eat and it doesn’t have to be a lot – good snacks – nuts, healthy organics, sunflower seeds, etc., but I find I reach for them when the internal struggle is felt. I just completed a fast laying this before YHVH. It was difficult but victorious. But coming off the fast as I prepared a simple meal I could feel the urge to splurge. Yes, it is the internal struggle. There is plenty of external struggle around that needs to be dealt with but it is how it hits internally that is the most disruptive; so debilitating.
I know it is this same struggle you talk about so often: My thoughts (subconscious though the seem to be) “I am not good enough.” “I have failed too many times.” “I must prove myself first before He will want me.” “I must keep moving, keep studying, anything to avoid stopping and being exposed before Him.” I must continually remind myself that He wants to be found far more than I want to find Him. He is waiting, longing for me to open my eyes, my ears; to be still and know that He is YHVH Elohim! And that He is our comfort; the Compassionate, Gracious, Slow to anger, and Abundant in Hesed and Emet YHVH!
Thank you, Skip for bringing the internal focus of this struggle to the forefront of my mind today. To the closet I go! He is waiting.
Dear Ric,
You are brave and I admire that. And you are a valuable part of this community. AND I know about all this internal medication too.
To be still before the Lord is one of my biggest struggles. As soon as I still my self the mind begins going a thousands miles per hour thinking of all the things that need to be done. Thanks Skip for reminding me of the importance of allowing myself to sense His longing for me and that His love is in abundance to those who wait on Him!
I find that quieting my mind and reducing the chatter helps with the noise … distraction. Caring to distinguish the many voices (thought, opinions) from the true voice is intentional. Connection to the source… so I meditate … may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable. Don’t want to be a fish out of water (its source) it’s a terrible, short lived existence … keeping my spirit connected to its source is crucial
O YHWH, Almighty El of our fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and of their righteous seed Yashuah;
You who hast made Heaven and Earth with all their order;
who has shackled the sea by Your Word of command,
who has confined the deep and sealed it under Your fearful and glorious name;
at whom all things shudder, and tremble before Your power,
for Your glorious splendor cannot be borne,
and the wrath of Your threat to sinners is irresistible;
yet immeasurable and unsearchable is Your promised mercy, for You are YHWH Most High,
of great compassion, long-suffering, and very merciful, and repentant over the badness of men.
You, O YHWH, according to Your great goodness has promised repentance and forgiveness
to those who have sinned against You;
and in the multitude of Your mercies You hast appointed repentance for sinners,
that they may be saved.
Therefore You, O YHWH, Elohim of the righteous, has not appointed repentance for the righteous,
for Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, who did not sin against You,
but You hast appointed repentance for ME, who am a sinner.
For the sins I have committed are more in number than the sand of the sea;
my transgressions are multiplied,
O YHWH, they are multiplied!
I am unworthy to look up and see the height of heaven because of the multitude of my iniquities.
I am weighted down with many an iron fetter, so that I am rejected because of my sins, and I have no relief;
for I have provoked Your wrath and have done what is evil in Your sight, setting up abominations and multiplying offenses.
And now I bend the knee of my heart, beseeching thee for Your kindness.
I have sinned, O YHWH, I have sinned, and I know my transgressions.
I earnestly beseech You, forgive me, O YHWH, forgive me! Do not destroy me with my transgressions!
Do not be angry with me for ever or lay up evil for me; do not condemn me to the depths of the earth.
For You, O YHWH, are the Elohim of those who repent, and in me You will manifest Your goodness;
for, unworthy as I am, thou will save me in Your great mercy,
and I will praise You continually all the days of my life.
For all the host of heaven sings Your praise, and Yours is the glory for ever and ever.
AMEN
……………Menasseh (King of Yehudah)
Maybe the reason some people struggle to feel God’s presence is because they spend too much time thinking!
🙂
And btw Skip, I hope this won’t hurt your feelings but I like the old website better.
Well, I don’t respond very often because I don’t feel like my tiny ‘two cents’ could add anything to the vast wealth of responses regularly posted here. But, I just wanted to say this has me weeping this morning. (I know this was posted a day or to ago, but I’m behind on my reading, I apologize.) Before I even read it, I was having this internal meltdown inside my head over the fact that I’m *so* tired of all the idolatry in my life. That despite how I know it leaves me empty and “alone in the dark”, I keep running back to self-medicating the conflicts of my life by running to my imaginary playground where I escape the sufferings of my day and dream of my “perfect life, perfect home, perfect bank account, perfect ‘fill in the blank'” rather than run into the perfect arms of my Father. I end up disgusted with myself for performing this imaginary ritual over and over and over again, so I assume He must be disgusted with me, too. He has children out there that are obedient and trusting and pure of heart… and then there is His other child playing alone on her playground, me. So, thanks for this, Skip. You have given me hope this morning He is still there. Now if I could just figure out how to bring Him this shame.
It is not by coincident that I found this discussion while doing a word search on the meaning of “Trust”; comparing it’s definition in both Websters and Hebraic understanding.
It is so comforting to know that I am not alone and that He has made His presence known while reading this. He spoke comfort and encouragement to my heart, calling me to Rememberance that He is with me, has always been and will continue to be.
I have been going through another long season of great difficulty with my husbands illness as well as grown children’s dishonor and disrespect. ABBA understands and sees, as I pray,Father forgive them for they truly do not understand the pain and heartache they have inflicted.
So dealing with all these distractions, and the unrelenting, ruminating thoughts which have tried to destroy my focus of YHWH. Thank you for this discussion, and may YHWH bless you and each one who has commented. His Name be Magnified
I Shalom,
Keeping you, your husband and family in our prayers, seeking ABBA’s touch of healing upon your husband, and your children to know YHWH, to turn to His ways, and, for His shalom and comfort to fill you.
Amein to your prayer! Be strong, He is with you always! Blessings!
I’ve read some of the TWs’ on trust and I am familiar with Proverb 31 on a husband trusting his wife and I would say vise versa. May a wife be blessed to have a husband she can trust.
My question is how can we enter into community with one another and carry each other’s burdens if we can’t trust one another. Perhaps there is another Hebrew word for this.
I have been following this community for almost 2 years now. I have learned so much from Skip and all who post. But I am face with a constant confusion. I hope someone can give me wise council and help with my confusion. My Christian upbringing was from the Baptist denomination. I see things in the “Church” that I don’t agree with now. It seems to me that it is all related to programs rather than teaching and encouraging the presence of God. I have stopped going to church. However, I study daily and my husband & I teach a weekly Bible study(not in the church, but in our home) with about 15-20 people. And I teach from a Hebraic perspective as best I can. Am I wrong to stop attending church????
I don’t think anyone else can give you an answer to this. It depends entirely on what you believe God is leading you to do. Most of us have decided that the theology of the Church is not biblical in its details but that the people there are sincere and hopeful. You may perhaps be directed to build relationships with them around the Word, or you might decide that it is too difficult if it always ends up in arguments.
Thanks for your input, Skip. I am seeking God’s direction. Just was curious if anyone had these same frustrations. The Bible class that my husband and I lead are people from various denominations and are eager to understand the scriptures from the 1st century, Jewish culture. I think maybe those are the ones we can grow with. You are correct, however that the people are sincere within the Church.
Why not see if we can arrange for me to come to your group?
That would be a great idea!!
If you’ll allow the two cents of one who is a bit ‘outside’ the community here, what you are describing, if you’re not aware, is a “house church” or “home church”. It may be helpful to do an online search for that term in order to investigate the pros and cons. The Greek word for “church” in the NT is ekklesia, and, at root, it just means assembly or gathering. The word is used also in Acts 19:39 for a legal assembly; so, context is what determines its meaning. However, predominantly ekklesia is used for an assembling of like-minded believers, no matter where they’re actually congregating. But that’s not to negate Paul’s clear teachings on leadership, such as elders in Titus, and overseers and deacons in 1 Timothy 3.
The following quickly lays out some of the pros and cons; however, I note that the author glossed over the fact that the first clause (or sentence, depending upon particular translation) in Acts 2:46 speaks of also meeting in the temple courts. Also, it references John MacArthur, one I’d only recommend with caution due to his overly dogmatic stance on a number of issues, to include cessationism:
https://gotquestions.org/home-church.html
From my perspective, you and your husband ARE the church, and in the best way. You are living and speaking your heart for YHVH, and you are inviting others to join you. You are searching Scriptures regularly to hear from him.
If you come from a strong church going background and you have heard (read: been indoctrinated) with the concept that one MUST attend church, then you probably are struggling with breaking that programming. Freedom to hear and respond to YHVH, one on one, is very weird and very (oddly) difficult to step into.
The ‘confusion’ that you are speaking is the routine response one goes through when they start listening to the holy spirit (or whatever term you are comfortable with) and responding to YHVH over man. “Church” as we know it man trying to replicate the relationship w/YHVH that he sees in Scripture by setting up specific rules and regulations and programs.
There is also book, Sons of Zadok by C. R. Oliver, you can get a workbook for it as well, on Amazon. I highly recommend it to people like yourselves who are moving into a different kind of relationship w/YHVH.
I’m presuming you have listened to some of Skip’s teachings by now, and none of the ones that *I* would personally not recommend. (that’s a joke)
Thank you so much for such an encouraging word. You have described exactly what we are experiencing! I will order Sons of Zadok today. Blessings to you!!!