Losing the Busy Signal
My soul waits in silence for God only; from Him is my salvation. Psalm 62:1 NASB
Silence – Are you able to deal with silence? Can you actually sit perfectly still, calm your mind, stop the distractions on the outside and the inside, and hear the God of silence? Or do you find that as soon as you wish to set aside some time to clear the way with God your world’s interruptions, diversions and obligations heat up and soon you are miles away from that inner peace you so desperately sought?
Maybe you have learned the art of quiet. Maybe you are one of those practiced few who actually can rest in the inner tranquility of His care. Or maybe, when you think you’ve put aside all the really bothersome diversions, you discover a much more insidious problem—boredom. Amazingly, when we get past all that external stuff, we often find that life on the inside is boring. We are so attuned to living elevator-music existences that we are not at home at all without the constant subconscious buzz of unfocused survival. Perhaps here is our real dilemma. With effort we can put aside those hindrances to rest. With effort! But what do we do when we discover that our inner geography is colorless, bland and uninteresting. What have we become when the excitement of life is always attached to something other than our inner selves? If we are going to experience the silence of the truly caring Father, we will have to sit in the place of our boredom and deal with the emptiness we have allowed to seep into our unexamined personalities.
Why do we need to follow this path? Why not simply submerse ourselves in “holy” activity, good deeds, noble thoughts? Why not continue the pace of a life of virtue and avoid the distress of this discovery? Why? Because until we come to the place where we know that there is no one and nothing that can rescue me from inner despair and emptiness, we do not need God. I do not say, “We do not want God.” No, we may seek God in order to add justification to our self-occupation, to our moral standing and reciprocal praise. But that is not the same, is it? We only need God when nothing else will do.
“ . . . unless God comes I am lost, there is no hope, because I know that if I emerge out of this depth I will simply be back in the realm of delusion, of reflected life, but not real life.”[1]
“Very often we do not find sufficient intensity in our prayer, sufficient conviction, sufficient faith, because our despair is not deep enough.”[2]
Have you entered boredom on purpose?
Topical Index: silence, boredom, prayer, despair, Psalm 62:1
[1] Anthony Bloom, Beginning to Pray, p. 70.
[2] Ibid., p 72.
Boredom, I have come to realize, is disconnection (fracture) from self. I was told that “idle hands are the devil’s workshop”, for people realize that boredom causes us to be tempted by further sin to cover the pain of that disconnection; but busy hands, you are so right, do not restore function in that place.
I can be with myself when I am connected to (loving) myself; when I know who I am in that place. Boredom is a symptom of a person who is lost in their inner desert. A wise parent will teach a child to explore who they really are (love themselves) at those boredom points.
To ask who I am is to ask Who God is, for the answer will be the same for both. He gets realized (glory to God) when His creation does. I glorify God when I allow myself to exist. I think boredom shows me the places where I am not doing that yet.
Skip, I so appreciate you because of the depth, intensity. and perseverance of your desire and honesty, as well as your abilities, in your search to know Him and yourself, and that you make this forum available for others of similar nature. It’s a good and important connection to have. Not many in this life seem to see the need for or are very transparent with others about the search for truth in the inward most parts of their own lives. It seems the prevailing condition of the heart of man is unbelief, fear, and self-deception, and that’s why waiting in silence for God only is such a rare and often fruitless activity.
“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.” [Psa 51:6]
I think the question you ask is a very challenging one, “Have you entered the boredom on purpose?” However, I think at the depth of it all, there is a greater hindrance. Fear. I think it is because of unbelief and hopelessness, there is fear in seeking and waiting for God only, and because of fear there is the pseudo angst of boredom and thus the lust and search for excitement and diversion. After all, consider the context of the first use in scripture of the word afraid.
“And he said, ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.'” [Gen 3:10]
Yes, we need to enter boredom on purpose, but the reason we so hesitate to do that is fear. Fear that God won’t show up. Fear that God won’t love us, accept us, understand us, comfort us, validate us, heal us, guide us, even excite us or give us pleasure.
We must not be afraid of God and stand far off. We must fear God and draw near.
Enter boredom on purpose and face fear with determination. From Him IS our salvation!
Not at home at all without the constant Buzz of unfocused survival. What a statement!!!
Would this mean that we have no reality of Who We Are, let alone no reality of who God is. Sounds like an unbeliever.. quite the opposite of where a believer should be in needs to be!!!!
Two weeks ago a married professional man (without children), just 32 years of age, who had been regularly seeking my help, said to me that, though he was succeeding in being abstinent, he was struggling with the urge for his heroine drug high and the excitement of it all. One week ago that man was found dead on his garage floor due to a drug induced cardiac arrest.
There’s seriously something more to all this than just boredom, because why would someone need to take such risks of life and death just for some excitement and diversion in this life? Oh, the pain, the unbelief, the fear, the self-deception. Was the despair (the pain) not great enough? No. I think it was. I think the unbelief, the fear, the self-deception was TOO great!
“ . . . unless God comes I am lost, there is no hope”? Maybe true. But also, unless I have hope, God will not “come” and I will remain lost. Hope in God. Wait in silence for Him only. He WILL come. He IS our salvation!
You hit the nail on the head for me Jerry! It all comes down to my fear! I remember crying out one day I hate my boring life. Using the tv or music for background noise, the quiet driving me crazy. Always trying to find something to do, someplace to go. The times I’ve tried the quiet to wait on the LORD I get scared, I began to cry and I know in my mind that’s where God wants me to come meet with me, but it gets too much. This TW is so right, my despair is not deep enough but parts of me just too afraid to feel that level of despair, that need for God. Oh God, I really needed to read this. I need to get over this, entered boredom on purpose face it, seek Him, trusting Him.
Boredom is selfishness
Wow
from: worksofwords.live 5-25-17
Empty is what we lack,
The place to be filled with wonder.
Empty is what we are missing.
For we fill the empty ourselves,
We fill the empty with lesser lovers,
While true love waits outside.
Outside our empty waits what we lack.
We lack room to be filled for we have filled ourselves,
We have filled ourselves with what we think we are lacking.
Finding then we have no room for what we truly need.
Empty is what is missing for wonder waits beyond our empty.
(copyright 5.25.2017-With thanks to Josuha Heschel, Skip Moen, and John Elderage)
I once read when we experience void, that is where we find ourselves, and I add that is where I have found the end of myself and have found God. Where I once felt it a necessity to fill the empty moments with distractions unknowingly staying in denial, I now look forward to what used to be moments of boredom, of fear and despair. Learning to sit still, with my feelings, clarity is becoming a common occurrence, I can see God’s presence like never before.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.