Evaporating
Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart! But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling, my steps had almost slipped. Psalm 73:1-2 NASB
Had almost slipped – What happens to us when we almost slip? The work of Brené Brown and Bessel van der Kolk suggest that experiences like this leave an emotional residue. Perhaps we survive by the skin of our teeth. Perhaps, by hindsight, we realize that God intervened and rescued us just in time. But there is still damage, isn’t there? Somehow these close encounters of the hatta’h kind change us. Some element of innocence is lost. The Hebrew actually reflects this dissipation. The words Asaph uses contain powerful imagery that helps us realize just how serious near misses are.
The Hebrew phrase is kayin shuppekah. Literally, it could be read as “like not existing, poured out.” The verb, shaphakh, is associated with pouring out an offering, being empty and melting. It is connected to pouring out the blood offering. But in Asaph’s poetry, this verb is about pouring out our very existence. To almost slip is to almost become nothing. Why? Because slipping is falling away from life itself. Almost slipping is coming close to losing life.
Asaph isn’t shy about revealing his narrow escape. He doesn’t pretend that temptation nearly overcame him. In fact, were it not for the goodness of God toward Israel, Asaph might very well have been poured out. Asaph acknowledges that despite God’s great benevolence, he almost didn’t make it. Perhaps you and I have come this close to the edge. Despite knowing that God is good, we have listened to that inner seduction of the yetzer ha’ra and walked toward the cliff. We have looked into the pit and realized that should we take a single step more we will give up the full joy of life. Then the shock comes: “What am I doing? This is insane. I don’t want to be like this.” At the last moment, we are enabled to turn around. Thank God!
There are two important lessons here. The first comes from the insight of Moses Hayyim Luzzatto. The fact that we arrived at the edge of non-existence is an opportunity to examine how this happened. Luzzatto calls this “watchfulness.” We trace our steps back to the place where we started in the direction of the cliff so that next time we can recognize the tiny change in direction that eventually led us to the edge. In other words, this is a chance to practice stopping the movement before it gets any momentum.
The second lesson is just as important. We stop pretending that everything is fine. We admit to ourselves and to others that we came near the edge, that we were off-track, that the yetzer ha’ra seduced us. We acknowledge our human weakness. We aren’t one of those fabulous spiritual giants who seem to overcome all problems with prayer and perservernece. We’re just stumbling disciples, doing the best we can, holding each other up after the Garden. “Help me, please. I need a hand to hold” might be all we can ask.
Topical Index: almost slipped, kayin shuppekah, shaphakh, pour out, Psalm 73:2
Eating of the Tree put us in limbo, for sure. Neither dead or alive, we have to learn about both from experiencing both. Death first. Then life. In that order. 12 step groups acknowledge that we all must “hit the bottom”; must see the worst we can do to ourselves and others, before we even know that is us. Yeshua said He came to “seek and to save the lost”. He didn’t say anything about those that managed to avoid their lostness by the subterfuge of self righteousness. Those folks haven’t even found the starting point, yet. The starting point for all of us is the experience of death; pulling the entire house down around our ears.
I didn’t believe that I could do it, either, until I saw myself doing it. Until then, no matter how hard I prayed for God to keep me from temptation, the prayers were just bouncing off the ceiling. He makes no promise to keep us from ourselves, and temptation, like the cold claws of death, already lay within me. Hereditary tendencies and shameful choices of those around me, as well as propensities and inclinations that I was sure were either fine, or not mine, lay like trip wires. They still do. Every day I meet a new layer of them. Heaven help me, I pray to meet them all, now.
To be inoculated successfully against sin, I need to see it all. Having found where the bottom is, I need to stay there until I have drunk the dregs, for the only real way to be kept from temptation is to have faced it first.
That “emotional residue” Skip talks about? That is the memory I believe all the redeemed will carry forever, forever an innoculant against doing it again, for “affliction shall not rise up the second time” Nahum 1:9 because when “the king of Israel, even YHVH, is in the midst of thee; thou shalt not see evil any more.” Zeph. 3:15, and this is why. Otherwise (I say, anyway) why go through the exercise? God help us, may that emotional residue be strong enough and complete enough in all of us to make us safe for eternity. Amen.
Another prayer I have is similar, “Lord, if you give me favor, please don’t let me take a “census.” If it could happen so easily to the “man after God’s own heart,” it could happen to me.
The story of the prodigal son is not a stretch — we’ve all stared
into that same pit.
Yeshua wasn’t kidding when He said: ” I did not come to bring peace,
but a sword.” Following His lead through the rigors and snares of this life,
allows us to “see” what real life is all about, stumbles and all.
We all start out on that broad road that leads to destruction and then amazing grace
reveals His Word, living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword.
Its deep penetrating cuts provide the necessary spiritual surgery to set us up
on the narrow path. And His constant loving care and forgiveness still startle me
with deep gratitude to this day. How remarkable He is!
How humble and obedient I need to be.