Sackcloth and Ashes: Travels with Job (7)
“For now I would have lain down and been quiet; I would have slept then, I would have been at rest,” Job 3:13 NASB
Been quiet – Silence is an emotional response to trauma. It doesn’t have to be. Silence can be the emotional response to awe, to majesty, to gratitude. But that would require prior awareness of divine concern or divine, welcoming presence. That’s not the case when we arrive at this point in the progress of long-term suffering. Our questions about God’s motives receive no answers. We ask until the ceiling of heaven turns to lead. Until our prayers bounce off an implacable universe. Until we are worn out from crying. And then there is nothing left but silence.
This is not the silence of acceptance. This is the silence of despair, the next stage in our progression. But before we open ourselves to the discouragement and despondency of this next step, we need to listen intently to the empty world we occupy.
There is a time when heartache turns to anger. We rage against the night because we believe in justice. But when there is no answer, no resolution, when the heartache just doesn’t stop, we stop too. We stop thinking. We stop questioning. We stop speaking. We turn off—and endure. After we curse the day we were born, after we realize that there isn’t any reason forthcoming and the pain is not going to subside, human beings stop talking. Oh, we can still go on with our daily grind. We can get up, eat, move about and work, but there’s an emptiness that pervades life, a gnawing sense that it is all for nothing now. No purpose. No real direction. Just survival. And certainly, no hope. Silence is resignation. “It’s just going to be like this until it’s finally over.” Look into the eyes of the desperately poor, the chronically abused, the truly homeless and you will see. The spark is missing.
Is this part of the journey? Is it possible that God simply observes when we reach full depletion? The agony of Job’s curse of himself is not an indictment of God. It is a declaration of helplessness. When we reach the stage of silence, we have concluded that no one and nothing can relieve our distress. We are alone—and no one cares.
You might think that Job’s condition isn’t yours. You might tell yourself that even if you suffered like he did, your faith would pull you through, just as it eventually does with Job. But I suspect that if you really look under the skin, there is a place where the disease of silence grows, a subterranean fungus garden waiting for the right combination of stress and mercilessness to break through the surface. I suspect that we know how Job feels even if we are well cared for at this moment. Job’s cry haunts us because it sets off primal concerns. Stripped of our protective pretenses, we are very close to this man’s words—and his wordless existence. If God cannot break into this cell, we will never be whole no matter how many camels He provides later. This is the place of resurrection or death. Do you feel it?
Topical Index: curse, silence, quiet, Job 3:1
“We are alone—and no one cares.” This phrase I know very well. That was me back in 1991.
But I was wrong. Someone, the One, was with me. I just didn’t know.
Hoping you feel God’s presence WITH you (not simply observing) as you journey through the Vatican and churches in Rome today. Looking forward to some of the pictures you send out and, perhaps, reading about how you were impacted by your day.
Oh if we could all be like job, and hold on and stay on that narrow road until the end, may Abba give us the faith , trust and strength to endure to the end!
I remember when I still believed that it was all up to me; when I still thought that I was being ‘tested’ to see if I would ‘fall’. To ask for or accept help would have been a forfeit of the ‘test’ (I was just serving pride, y’all). What I didn’t realize is that to the extent that we start out in the flesh, the world is our taskmaster, and we are only reactors to the consequences of sin. This is no real test of the spirit; this merely serves to show us WHY the world and the consequences of sin make terrible taskmasters!
When we despair of ever being able to satisfy such a monstrous condition, we become amenable to considering switching to a different Lord. Despair and hopelessness are necessary to get us to apostasize from the religion of the flesh. We are suffering because we have lost the ability to avoid, anesthesize, medicate or placate sin any longer, whether it be our sin or the sin of others. We mourn because our lovers have all failed us. We THINK it is because God has, but the flesh starts out substituting itself for Him because we didn’t know how to tell the difference. Um, that would be all of us! I put my trust in the horses and chariots of Egypt and did not know it, because so much of it was sold to me with the name of the Lord stamped on it. Most of us choose to serve the Lord (love) in name, but substitute trust in things and people of earth in the places we are supposed to be trusting only in Him. All sin gets sold to us in the name of love, but only service to the God of heaven can result in true love. The best efforts of the flesh will never be able to succeed in loving (functioning).
Being yanked around by disfunction is our cue that we are serving a false religion that only looked like love. We only appeared to be connected in those places. Disaster shows us that false religion, for those things and people fail us when we really need them. We blame God to the extent that we fell for the substitution of Him with something or someone else. He is still on His throne, but we are facing the wrong throne! If you think God has failed you, you may need to stop looking for Him in the places you are facing. I found that I had been sold a fake god and my grief of betrayal stemmed from the fact that I was looking to, and trusting in, the wrong things and people in the places that only He should be trusted. Not only trusted; why, I am told over and over that when I am in trouble, I am supposed to yelp for help! So much for being ‘tested’!
I found that I felt like the tail on the donkey because trust in the wrong things and people only serve to put me one step BEHIND disaster and I was making myself sick trying to fix chaos. I was being yanked around because I was fearing (serving) what was not God. We are promised to be “the head, and not the tail”, but we can only get there when we quit serving (fearing) what is not God. I had to quit, and, believe me, those things and people were not happy with me! Well, my misery was worse! Pain says “stop!”. Despair is where we are finally starting to listen.
I think you have nailed much of this stage. Silence. Quiet. Exhaustion. Being very alone. Helpless. If that’s not bad enough, people get tired of caring when their friends are enduring long-term suffering. They just don’t know how to care when bad things go on way too long. Maybe they forget because of their own load; you can’t blame them for that. People don’t like being around people who are so needy because it drains them. Maybe they just don’t want to be like Job’s friends. What can they say? Not much, but saying “I love you” at least once during every goodbye goes a long, long way. Lots of long strong hugs help too; they release sustaining chemicals in the body that are powerful. The hardest part of long-term suffering is knowing when you’ll get to the end of its tortuous long tunnel. The fear/questions of “can I survive this?” or “will I make it?” and “where’s the finish line?” are so real. Resignation is long past. It’s hard to pace yourself when you don’t know how long you have to endure. God allowed Job’s suffering, but much suffering comes as a result of the sin of those around us. We can’t always control that, especially if our kids are the ones generating the suffering. People need respite from suffering, but they can’t always get it. It they do, it’s just not long enough.
Long term suffering – I wonder how many real followers Jeremiah had? Isaiah? Hosea? People run from people like this, that’s my experience.
They definitely run. They don’t know how to deal with suffering. It makes them highly uncomfortable. Instead of saying something, they run or remain silent. It seems like human nature.
Sure been there, in and out back and forth three or four times last week…but then I remember some good advice “To survive tragedy and trauma first build a future only then remember the past ” Rabbi Jonathan Sackes
Simpl-YES-I feel it!
Sorry the “y” dropped off SIMPLY
And, there seems to be another kind of silence. I was reading this weeks torah portion and noticed that Abraham had to wait a while for the promise of a son through Sarah. (the son of the promise) and to ad insult to injury, the son he bore of his own strength (Ishmael) seemed to get long fine in this world. (he had twelve sons) while the son of promise struggled for 20 years and when it “finally happened” it was a matter of contention. Ahh, silence. maybe it’s a matter of what God does in spite of us instead of what He accomplishes through us, but it would seem as though the elect are held to a different standard. We ask ourselves if this will ever work out, and it would seem that the more we drive toward righteousness, the farther we and the ones we love are from the fruits of it. And Ishmael had twelve sons and Isaac had 2 that were fighting. Who are we to suppose or to inflict on God the manner in which He conducts His will . Silence, (as much as it hurts) could be the very thing that preserves us from blaspheming the God we serve and if we are confused in the middle of it, we will have a chance to see the fulfillment of all the promises given. “let us make man, in our Image and after our Likeness” …..
Silence is Golden
Be still and know… A conversation has two ends. One who speaks – one who listens. It is hard for me to hear while I am speaking. I am concentrating on what I will say next rather than hearing what it is the party of the second part has to say. Faith (that which pleases God, btw) comes by speaking.. er… hearing!! One mouth – two ears, “be more ready to hear than to give the sacrifice of fools!” (yes, it is written!).
Secret, silent prayer. (try it! – you’ll like it!). Just come. Present yourself before the LORD. “Here am I” is (or should be) prayer #1. Hear Lord, for your servant speaketh?? Uh, no… “Speak LORD, – I am listening!!
And now, to come full circle.. – we are back to “shema!” It’s as simple as “no shema – no shalom!” Oh how we need to practice the lost art of listening!!! Silence the cellphone- the radio – the t.v.- such a myriad of distractions! We certainly do live in a world full of amusements and distractions!! But when we “enter in” to the “quiet place..” (and yes, – it is quite quiet!), a wonderful discovery is to be found there!! There are two words in our language that are traveling companions… Peace and ??? Quiet everyone!! Secret, silent prayer! “I will hear what God the LORD shall speak… for He shall speak Peace unto His people!! Friends, His invitation has been extended: “Enter in!”
Carl, You, too have learned to keep silent the past few years– years ago- you went on & on each day. God is so good to teach us when we will listen. I have appreciated you and so many others all these many years! May we all grow in HIS WORD-TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR A LOT OF US! A True octogenarian-LaVaye Billings
LaVaye, Good to hear you again my dear. We trust all is well with you. Many of us who have been with Skip for a few seasons miss your stories and kindly wise words. To their loss the many new readers know nothing of you, your husband and your love story. But I suspect this is the just the way time gets its revenge. Just know you made an impact here, as well as there and I suspect in many where’s and in many who’s all over the land. Love from Michael and Arnella