Catechism (2)
So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” John 21:15 NASB
Tend – Well, not exactly. “Feed” is probably better than “tend,” although the idea of acting as a shepherd and herding the sheep is also contained in the Greek word bŏske. But is that Yeshua’s point? Give food to those in need. Guide them along the way. Take charge of the “flock” (a lot of ministers find that interpretation irresistible). Certainly this is a command to do something, not just believe something. Peter needed to get going again—but not back to fishing. As we learned a long time ago, the interplay between agape and phileo in these few verses seems to be a deliberate effort to do more than communicate a task. It seems to be about restoring Peter—and then taking up the task.
If you and I have had the excruciating experience of failing the Messiah, of turning our backs on his trust in us, then we know the pain of feeling worthless. We know what it is like to not want to see him, because it only reminds us of our failure. Hiding in a routine from past life might offer some temporary solace. We can bury away those feelings by submerging ourselves in something familiar, something mindless. But the inner man still lives with this fatal assumption: “I am only unique, loved, or worthwhile if I prove my worth.”[1] That assumption guarantees staying stuck. Why? Because we know we’re worthless—we failed! Therefore, we cannot be loved.
What do we do? We do what Peter did. We go fishing (or whatever else is necessary to stop hurting). “The individual disappears into the behavior to escape the pain of lack of love and clarity.”[2] Yeshua knows this about Peter (and, I suspect, about all of us). Therefore, he cannot send Peter on a mission of compassion for those who are hurting unless and until Peter himself is not hurting. Peter might emerge from this encounter as a past wounded healer, but he won’t be a present wounded healer, i.e., someone who is at this moment suffering from worthlessness. The first thing that Yeshua must accomplish in Peter’s life is reinstatement of personal worth. This little exhortation to get up and get going speaks to Peter’s condition, not just to the needs of others.
And so it is for us. We must emerge from woundedness before we can become healers. We must discover that God cares about us, that we matter, that we are worthwhile regardless of failure before we will be able to communicate essential worthiness to others. In fact, this is the real battle. It’s much easier to help someone else discover essential worthiness than it is to allow ourselves to find this truth. We who have been sifted are the most damaged of all people, and until we cast away the myth of proving ourselves, we will not be able to fully communicate God’s endorsement of others. This message begins at home.
Topical Index: worth, tend, feed, bŏske, prove, John 21:15
[1] Terry and Sharon Hargrave, “Restoring Identity,” Fuller Magazine, Issue #6, 2016, p. 41.
[2] Ibid.
‘And so it is for us. We must emerge from woundedness before we can become healers.’ This is profoundly true. The amazing thing is through the wounds we change and as we heal we are very different – this is my experience anyway. Self confidence, believing I had answers to this and that situation etc have all tumbled down leaving me deeply wounded for months. Healing has not come through answers to the situation that my husband and I still face. Healing is taking place through waiting, being able to humbly state ‘I don’t know what will happen/ what door Abba will open’. Surprisingly hearing from others that they perceive change, shalom, a stillness in behavior during this period of continued uncertainty. Inadvertently perhaps my inaction seems to heal others as they watch. How awesome is Yah, how his ways are truly not our ways. He uses everything in us – failures, mistakes, wounds and disappointments to remake us and eventually become healers often unbeknown to us. Healers because of our wounds!
Hope the above makes sense – I have always been able to put thoughts on paper but not so sure of the sense of my words these days.
I hear you quite clearly, Christine, and surely it is because your experience is so very human – universal. I think where we may get confused is about HOW we participate in the healing of others. I needed to see people honestly face and understand their woundedness, and do the same. I needed to hear them express a desire to change, so I could do the same. I needed others to reach out and touch me right where I was – because they had learned to quit shunning themselves in those places – before I could turn around and do the same.
I think people learn by experience, but they change because they have been restored to the choices that were lost. We don’t need others to ‘help’ us by making choices FOR us; by advice, exhortation (as the world understands it, anyway) or ‘answers’; what we need is to be restored to our own humanity – humility – humus of origins. When pride is ditched in the light of the truth, we can see the choices again that got buried under the rocks of fear, shame and, most of all, pride. We gain that courage to return to honesty best by example. I am freed when I see you do it first.
Thank you for doing precisely that for me today. May YHVH continue to bless us all in our return to each other through His Son.
As a damaged member of those who have been sifted, I find
that God uses every single life experience as a stepping stone
that brings us closer to “seeing” Him in our midst, as we slowly
but surely realize that being “stuck to ourselves” is the least enviable
place for anyone to be.
“Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out,
that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send
the Christ, who has been appointed for you — even Yeshua.” Acts 3: 19-20
As Peter found out, His forgiving love, and our willingness to receive it,
is a cleansing power that overwhelmingly establishes us on a whole other plane.
Rich, Sometimes I feel as if I am a Charter Member of the damaged who have been, as you say, SIFTED. So in tribute to the sifted I dedicate this ditty.
I have been Sifted, Shifted, Stiffted,
Shafted, Tattered, Battered
Shattered, Scattered, Splattered
Matted, Ratted, Sadded.
In my innocence I sought to matter,
but in the process I became mad as a hatter.
O how I hope that the meek will inherent the earth
Because up to now it has been doubt, death and dearth.
But, Michael, now,
That’s all behind.
His Word so loud,
His heart so kind.
His hand lies open.
Yet holds you tight.
What’s old is gone;
And, now, all’s bright.
I was just reading Chabad.org’s devotional today about gossip and not speaking negatively about another. Then you wrote this today, “We can bury away those feelings by submerging ourselves in something familiar, something mindless. But the inner man still lives with this fatal assumption: “I am only unique, loved, or worthwhile if I prove my worth.”[1].
My question is Skip, what do we do with processing the pain (voicing it) without gossiping? What is the Biblical model – Matthew 18 is there, but what if the abuser is no longer in the picture, or as they say in AA , “make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others,” what do you do when you’re the survivor of the offense? I emailed a rabbi about this once and he didn’t give me a direct answer.
This would be helpful to know as having many in our community who are trying to survive from all kinds of abuse and traumas where their voice was taken away at a very young age and they’re stuck in anger and anxiety over unworthiness.
Gossip, as I understand it, is ego-serving, that is, the substance of the communication is really about enhancing the ego of the one speaking. But if I am communicating the facts and the emotions of an event without the motivation to make myself better or diminish another, then it isn’t gossip but rather, therapy.
Does that work?
Perfectly or can I have a laugh and say devotedly!
Brene Brown hits this on-target in a “SuperSoul” Session: The Anatomy of Trust video. It can be watched in its entirety at Oprah’s .com site. Skip shared her first TED talk again in Tacoma last weekend. (THANK YOU, SKIP, because YOU introduced me to her work a few years back in Spokane.) She understands all of this. If we are violating “The Vault” – plain and simple – we are gossiping. Her insight has changed my tongue! B R A V I N G …
This is basically what Jordan Peterson is saying in a very lengthy way in “The 12 Rules for Life” book that has raised so much controversy all over the internet. I’d love to get him to read your TWs .
Thanks Annette for the recommendation. I watched him non-stop on You Tube last night and was very impressed. Not since I was introduced to Skip almost 8 years ago have I been so dazzled by someone as I was with my first impression of Jordan Peterson. In both men their intellectual prowess is equalled by their spiritual acuity…a rare combination. I am going to order his book ASAP. What great conversations and insights would no doubt come from these two meeting over a pint. Who knows, maybe someday they will meet. I hope someone is there to record it… I wish it would be me!