Some Clarity
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. Proverbs 31:11 NASB
Trusts – What does it mean to “trust” your wife? How will that turn out to be prosperous for the husband?
In the past we examined the Hebrew word bāṭaḥ in the context of the ‘ezer kenegdo, God’s design for women of valor.[1] We discovered that women are intended to play the role of relationship manager in marriage. They are hard-wired to direct the couple within the parameters of God’s instructions. While this sounds controversial to most men who have been taught to view women as “helpers,” our investigation demonstrates that the role of the ezer kenegdo is far more powerful and more empowering than the typical Church dogma allows. But that theological shift might still leave us wondering, “Just how am I supposed to relate to my wife?” David Lambert offers another look at this critical Hebrew word that helps husbands understanding how the relationship is supposed to work.
Before we turn to Lambert’s suggestion, let’s review the etymological background of bāṭaḥ:
This is one of two words used in the ot to express trust or reliance upon, the other being ḥāsâ(q.v.). There is no clear cognate in the other Semitic languages although KB sees a connection with Arabic baṭaḥa “to be stretched out, taut” (cf. especially the VII stem). The basic idea would then have to do with firmness or solidity. Be that as it may, in Hebrew, bāṭaḥ expresses that sense of well-being and security which results from having something or someone in whom to place confidence. It is significant that the LXX never translates this word with πιστευω “believe in” but with ελπιζω “to hope,” in the positive sense “to rely on God” or πειφομαι “to be persuaded,” for the negative notion for relying on what turns out to be deceptive. [2]
It’s important to note that this is principally a Hebrew word, not borrowed from other languages. It’s equally important to note that the basic meaning is about something that provides security. Now we can entertain Lambert’s suggestion that bāṭaḥ should be understood as reliance. What this means is that “trust” in my wife includes depending on her, being confident in her, believing in her, banking on her and knowing that she has my back. In other words, my wife is my place of refuge, my safety net, the one who is most like God for me. What that means for me as a husband is that my behaviors need to be based on, and reflect, these attributes of reliance. In the end, this woman is my stronghold. Without her, life is just too risky. And as long as I think and act accordingly, my life with her will be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Topical Index: bāṭaḥ, trust, rely, ‘ezer kenegdo, David Lambert, Proverbs 31:11
[1]See my book,Guardian Angel, https://skipmoen.com/books-audio/guardian-angel/
[2]Oswalt, J. N. (1999). 233 בָּטַח. In R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer, Jr. & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament(R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer, Jr. & B. K. Waltke, Ed.) (electronic ed.) (101). Chicago: Moody Press.
Roseanne is surely blessed to have you and you to have her. I wish I would of had the book Guardian Angel years ago. At least I was able to buy it for my daughter.
So true. So grateful to The Father for my wife. She is my Proverbs 31 wife.
It occurs to me that perhaps batah could include a sense of: LIFELINE. This word, LIFELINE, speaks of the benefits provided by a godly spouse to a loving husband. He sees his wife as a lifeline. And she thinks of him in the same way! The word lifeline also incorporates the taut or stretched out sense of the word suggested in TWOT. The dictionary definition taken directly from an on-line search: life•line ˈlīfˌlīn/ 1. a rope or line used for life-saving, typically one thrown to rescue someone in difficulties in water or one used by sailors to secure themselves to a boat. 2. a [person or] thing on which someone or something depends or which provides a means of escape from a difficult situation. This immediately brought to my mind Genesis 3 and 4 and the lifeline extended to Adam and all of humankind through Eve’s sacrifice of herself in the painful act of delivering (giving birth). I also remember all the brave women in the “lifeline” of Jesus Christ—the ones we know and the ones whose names are unrecorded in scripture. A few more synonyms for lifeline: salvation. link, help, support, rescue, recovery and escape!
I’m one who is blessed with a wife like this also. She has a fierce loyalty to all that pertains to us as a couple. That’s why I identify with the reference to being taunt or stretched out. A tent erected in the hot middle eastern sun is good for shade but it hasn’t been put to the test until the winds begin to blow, that’s when the cords and fabric are stretched to the limit. There’s hardly anything more comforting than to be confidant that in the use of something, it won’t break.
A reflection on our modern society; “modern” economics and the technology to produce an abundance of cheap goods has sold us on the lie that durability is no longer important. Be it a tool, appliance or other basic goods, but it has translated into the familial and relational aspects as well. I wonder if that isn’t actually in reverse as, perhaps we’ve been granted throw away technology because we chose to throw away the secure things we had. (function and form)
Batach, I think I’ll just stay right here because when the wind blows I know this tent will stand.
So what is the role of the man towards his wife then?
To honor her. In word and deed.
My apologies for being so short in my answer, please don’t take it as “trite”. I saw the response and didn’t have the time to properly respond but, ? here’s some considerations we men need to take to heart. The two commands that come to mind in regards to this subject is, not taking God’s name in vain (emptiness) as He also is the “helpmate” of Israel and to honor your mother and father.( The ones who birthed you) To honor one goes a lot farther than to show them appropriate affection, it stretches out to how you chose to conduct yourself (or what conduct you refuse) in the presence of others, as it’s a direct reflection on your spouse. Do I go into a home to conduct business by myself when only the woman is home? I chose not to in order to not give room for “rumors” that will shame or bring into question my relationship with my wife. It grieves me deeply to hear a pastor use his wife to make a point about how not to conduct yourself, even if it’s in jest. I would rather say nothing on a subject if it brings my wife into a bad light. Even if it doesn’t, it has the possibility of opening that door. And a multitude of other scenarios are available, but suffice it to say, honor and respect has a lot to do with if we walk in vanity or not. Moment by moment.
Realizing how I rely on my wife’s countenance
brings strength to my existence and firmly bolsters
my ability to trust completely in my good Lord.
God’s design amazes me in that on one hand she is
a delicate flower, and on the other, a formidable bastion
of strength.
I know no finer person!
All the positive testimonies to wonderful wives by appreciative husbands brings tears to my eyes. That is not a cliche! Just knowing such warmth exists makes it all worth it. Thank you Skip, and the rest of the amazing husbands out there that can recognize what is in their best interests and are free to act accordingly.
I feel I must speak for the wives of the other husbands. Please disregard this if you are not in this category.
It may be the hardest thing in the world to stand for what is so clearly the RIGHT thing to do and be when the person in front of you is so bound that they either have to deny the truth, deny the truth-bearer, or deny themselves. What do you do then? Deny back? Pitch a fit? Go into depression and give up? Retaliate or take hostages (um, the kids)? Enlist reinforcements? Walk away? Go into your own private spiritual corner and never come out again? Try all the above?
When people are stuck in their stuff they become crooked: they cannot bear their own weight. At that point, they either have to straighten up, or, if they have no means to do that (are not connected to heaven) enlist others to carry them. The above list can be fleshly attempts (in the name of righteousness, of course) to ‘make’ them want to straighten up. Problem is, because it is flesh-originated, it never works. The only thing it is good for is to expose areas of the spouse that still need working on: in other words, it is weakness, not strength, and so can be turned around and used against a person who is still trying to ‘do right’. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Met my stuff, got creamed with it, and spun wheels, too.
So, failing the attempts to get somebody to straighten up, the next temptation is going to be “if you can’t lick ’em, join ’em”. The wife decides she will either resort to subterfuge (pretend to be on her husband’s ‘side’) or she will, if she does not know better or was modeled incorrectly somewhere in her history, turn to co-dependence of the problem (in the name of love, of course). If her husband was likewise modeled this behavior in his history, he will actively teach his wife how to ‘love’ him this way. (This is true of either spouse, of course.) Entire families and churches, even, can learn co-dependence in the name of love: everybody is taught how to enable crookedness, and so everybody ends up crooked.
How do you get back to the straight and narrow when all around you may be messing up and blaming it on you, too? How do you back out of your own poor training, too? Love does not support crookedness, but it DOES protect crooked people until they can straighten up. How do you know the difference? The first is a position of weakness and lack; the second of strength. How can you be a good spouse to an imperfect other half? What does this look like? These are the questions for the rest of us!
I am opening up the floor for testimonies and suggestions and the wisdom of experience. This should be a topic for many a sermon and many a home, too, where these skill sets may be lacking. Let’s start here. Anybody?
How do you get back to the straight and narrow?…- we stay on the straight & narrow, so that any crookedness will be seen for what it clearly is…. which then fought tooth and nail when exposed, because your “revelation” to them looks like a threat to their very existence….. so I think it’s better to step aside (love does not support crookedness – Amen!), and let God handle it (but love does protect crooked people – Amenx2), because God can take it, and we sometimes can’t. It’s also good to check your own “straight and narrow” from time to time too, to make sure you are on the right path:)
Olga, so many years I needed positive statements just like yours. Thank you for standing true in what has to have been a tough place to have learned what you know.
I had a precious person in my life finally confide to me that they were as mean as they were because they felt JUDGED by the women and little children in their lives. no responsibility for their own conscience! That was enlightening. I know the more we tried to meet this person where they were at, the worse it got. It can be dangerous to get close to stuck people. When we learn this, we can ‘learn’ to walk on the other side of the road from their ditches (in the flesh, anyway), but that is still not right.
In Alanon, I learned the slogan “Let go and let God”. I also learned what detachment with love looks like in practice. These are the correct ways to stay safe in the presence of unsafe people. Everyone needs to learn these skills!
If a woman honors herself, then it does not matter if the man does or not. That can only be possible if she is putting God first (honoring Him). Crooked people are crooked BECAUSE they demand you put them first – in the name of love, of course. Detachment with love is where you learn to resist all such horizontal entanglement. The only love that can keep us safe is the love that comes from above first. All other ‘love’ will either make a god out of ourselves or the other person: such love is classed as a sin – the sin of “inordinate affection”, or love in the wrong order.
I had to learn how to recognize these counterfeits and then how to resist their siren call. We are hardwired for love, but false love, which includes all such horizontal attachments, only ends up requiring you to hand over your power of choice to another. Love will never ask us to give our responsibility for our own choices to another – or, what Yeshua called a “master” – for our wills are sacred in that we must only pair them up with God’s will. This has been a hard lesson for me!
We are called to be lights on a hill. I think of the Christians used as torches in Nero’s garden sometimes when I read that verse. To choose to enter or to stay in the force field of another’s frozen crookedness is a true trial by fire, but love can only purify us if we choose to actually love others. To stay ‘safe’ from others is to also stay stuck in our own crud, too.
Thank you for being in a safe enough place to engage in this dicey subject. May you be blessed for it. You blessed me.
Your every word above, Laurita, – is 100% on the money! XXXX
I do find comfort and peace in the trust I have in my wife. She is delicate and a bastion of strength as well! I’m blessed for sure. She really is the best thing that has ever happened to me!
I strongly recomment Guardian Angel as a gift for every engaged couple. In 2016 after first reading Guardian Angel I posted this comment on Amazon:
Two years ago my husband, Bob, began calling me his ‘ezer kenegdo.’ He was reading the book, Guardian Angel by Skip Moen. Bob’s profession was writing and he read voraciously. As usual, he shared parts of the book and what he was learning. One difference I noted though, he often ended with the words, “I wish I had understood 50 years ago, what is being explained in this book.” He encouraged me to read the book, so I placed it on my “reading stack.” My husband of several decades was a godly man, the kindest of persons, and I could not imagine a book that would have made a significant relational difference in our lives.
Six months ago, ‘having kept the faith’ and been ‘given a long life’, Bob moved from this temporal life into the eternal. Two weeks later as I looked restlessly through my books, I noticed the Guardian Angel, picked it up and began to read from the very first page. Page by page, I kept thinking this is not a ‘read’ – it’s a ‘study.’ But I forced myself to continue. When I reached the 3rd chapter, I was recalling some of Bob’s comments but by the 5th chapter, I did not want to even put the book down. Now I was beginning to understand what my husband was trying to share with me.
There is a depth of marital meaning in these words: unity, one, echad, that few ever probe. I wish I had read this book when Bob first asked, I wish too, that I had understood long ago the things written here; but mostly I wish that every married couple and those considering marriage would read these pages. There is no marriage that will not benefit by re-examining the story of Adam and Eve through the scholarly lens used in Skip Moen’s exegesis.
Many years ago we were asked if we would be marriage counsellors to young people in our parish. We said, “Us. Why us? We don’t know anything about counselling” but obviously some people perceived us that way. Maybe they were right, but we just didn’t know why or how to explain it.
As we approach our 50th later this year, now we do. I promote the concept that every couple who are intending to have a Christian marriage read Guardian Angel and also for those involved in rebound Christian marriages and agree on the principles therein.
Comprehension of G.A. should be the acid test for a pastor to perform a Christian marriage. It can save a lot of heartache.
On a side note, completely off the grid of this particular subject. I honestly don’t engage in much reading outside of scripture any longer, (that may be a detriment or not) but I came across a book that has really blessed me and addresses much of what we discuss here on this site. If you’re interested; “the Jewish gospel of John by Eli Lizorkin-Eyzenberg. If nothing else, it confirms the idea of reading within a paradigm and the opportunities of escaping those same ideological boxes. My apologies to you Skip, as I don’t intend to use your site as an advertisement platform, it’s just that I want to share the blessing.
Robert, I totally agree with you with respect to both your reading habits and concern on this web site for “advertising.” Having said that I much enjoy the books rightly referred to by Skip and sometimes others in our collective interest. On a side note as you say, a highly respected reader on this site mentioned a series on the internet about stem cell treatment this past winter.
My wife and I both had treatment in Florida this spring that changed our lives, literally, by a highly respected clinic after I did thorough research on this subject and the practioners. We are Canadians and don’t have this option that is available to Americans who can afford it. It is not for everyone yet. More is the pity for us all but it will happen someday for many people.
I really like and appreciate your perspective on this site and immediately ordered your book recommendation on Kindle for $5 without reading the reviews, something I never do, but any book that gets 336 – 5 star reviews is ok with me.
There is a fine tipping point here and I think it is respected on this blog. If not, you know who will remark appropriately thereupon.
Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are! ? My particular weakness is that I actually like a knock down drag out fight. The caveat is that when we both stand bloodied, we can gain a respect for the other. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not nessecary to trade blows, life and truth will teach far more exacting about reality. (Sometimes I still want to swing the dog by the rope though, and I find myself being swung) but I thank you for your confirming words, as I worry about overstepping the bounds I’ve been granted.its a hard thing to change your mind, impossible to change your heart. Thank youYHVH through your Son Yeshua that we are not left desperate. Amazing Grace.
BTW, how are you and your wife? And would you bless us please on the life changing perspectives and activities that you have been blessed to engage in. So often we hear of hope, but never pursue it. The miracles of others are confined to them and though we hear of them. We’re convinced that we have to remain in the hopeful category instead of the helped. Bless us please! “and they shall be called the repairers of the breach”…..
Penny and George (and anybody else, too, of course), if you want to go one more round of enlightenment, there is another fantastic series starting today about autoimmunity: a step beyond the stem cell solution to the cure – yes, the word is now CURE – for autoimmune disfunction. If you want to know more, go to https: slash slash autoimmunesecrets dot com/report?oprid=10908. If you have trouble, you can email me and I can forward episodes (time sensitive if you want them for free). My new email address is hayeslaurita at gmail.
Thanks for the recommendation. As John’s Gospel has been the subject of most of my study, this looks like something I’d enjoy. I read through a few of the Amazon reviews, some of which provide enough of an overview to pique my interest (and I always look over the negative reviews, of which most are polemical based on their prejudices or lack of knowledge/misunderstanding).
There’s a new volume on the roots of the Trinity–not 3rd through 5th century roots, but 1st century, including Scripture, of course. It was announced on Larry Hurtado’s blog: larryhurtado dot wordpress dot com/2018/05/24/historical-roots-of-trinitarian-theology/
The book is well out of my price range at the moment. Thankfully, Hurtado has posted a pre-publication version of his contribution to the volume, which is very much worth reading here, as it questions the very definition, or even the usefulness of the term “monotheism” as it pertains to second temple Jewish beliefs: larryhurtado dot files dot wordpress dot com/2018/05/monotheism-in-nt-lausanne.pdf
I think you will enjoy it. He brings a different perspective to the structure of John’s gospel that fit’s right in to much of the discussion occurring here on this site. Let me know what you think.
Thank you for the link, Craig. …Interesting article.
Wow! This is so exalting! To think that in a patriarcal society, women truly held a position of esteem. I attribute that because it was established by God, and revealed in language. How men, through law and customs, actually treated women, well, that is another story.
It is exciting to see that light shone forth and the darkness could not put it out entirely.
God has always esteemed His creation and His Language proves it. And abominations are only abominations when something good ( and it was all good ) is used incorrectly anyway.
Sadly sometimes the language of the interpreters & the actions of those who chose those incomplete and or twisted sentences shows the filter that breaks up the word of light into partial truths and further minces it into unrecognisable & poisonous sound bites.
Those changes can NEVER make up the wholeness, no matter how they are combined. We just can’t add to or take away from what is perfect…we need to find it and apply it.
I also think it is not only men that take a part of responsibility in this either. Many women do aid in their own slavery today because they do not know Christ or desire to know Him, just as the men and that is the greatest shame for God’s creation. I should pray for grace in the lives of others, just as the grace that touched my life , more than I do.
We tend to habitually pass to the next generation an impression whether it is truth or not. Ease of habit instead of diligence. To be without the Healer is to be subject to Satan’s kingdom. Destruction now and later. Both men and women are instigators when they act on evil thoughts and perpetuators of it in large and small ways.
Christ breaks that cycle of shame and humiliation. Praise our King.
Shalom FJ
Rebbe Ramash said something like;- wax and wicks by themselves are just that until they are combined into one but they do not become a candle that provides light until we act (do something) for it to become a candle (Torah light) by lighting it and only we can light our candle, our Torah-like life, for the benefit of others.
First impression. Stretched out is like a tent …when it is taut it provides a usable covering and home and one that is slack does not enable the purpose of the home to be filled and usable as an abode to dwell in nor the tent pegs to be extended as it changes shape and grows. Shalom all. FJ
Today I woke up with a headache and feeling tired. The way I wake up most days now. I woke up tired of being the only “sinner” in my family. I am surrounded by “good” people. I think it is more like prideful people. But more than that I feel bound as if somehow I am disappointing God. But I have no idea how to get back on track. I’ve been knocked down so many times, I have lost count. I want to be optimistic but I guess I am not feeling it today. Trust is a rare commodity with people I find.
I have been tired for about a year now. I’ve been knocked down too many times to count. Life often leaves me feeling as if my sins are so great God can’t possibly use me for anything. Lots of the time I don’t know what to do about it. But then I read something from David’s songs and I realize that he is just like me–persevering.