Thought Police
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. Psalm 139:2 NASB
Thought– God knows it all, right? He knows every thought you have, every fleeting desire, every inclination, every unvoiced declaration. We all agree. God knows us—perhaps better than we know ourselves. After all, He is the omniscient external observer in the human game of life. We might (if we’re very lucky or very careful) catalog all our thoughts but we know that we, individually, are the only ones who actually know (?) our own thoughts. This is why the tenth commandment, not to covet, cannot be enforced in any society without God at the helm. Despite Tom Cruise’s role in The Minority Report, people simply can’t be arrested, accused and tried for what they think. In fact, no one really knows what you and I think unless we tell them (and then only if we relate the unfiltered version). Except, of course, God. He knows.
And that’s the problem.
There are times when, if we’re truly honest about it, we would prefer that God not know. In fact, if we really examine most of our thinking, we might find that a good deal of it falls short of the standard of holiness: thoughts about people who don’t share our views on:
Politics
Ethnic differences
Work
Sexual values
Economic efforts
Religious beliefs
Social concerns
Abortion
Capital punishment
Evangelism
Authority
(I am sure, absolutely, that you can add a lot more to the list)
Just as we would cringe if we thought that all our private opinions were going to be published in tomorrow’s paper, we probably should cringe when confronted with the fact that God understands my thoughts from afar. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I should just stop thinking! Impossible, of course, unless you are dead (and even then I’m not so sure). This much I know. There is a constant stream of internal banter going on inside me that is more often than not outside the boundaries of religious ethics. And I really don’t seem to be able to do much about it. I can concentrate on stifling some of the chatter. I can evaluate and correct portions of the cognitive vomit. But I can’t seem to quash it. It just comes out in other ways, in other feelings, in other vocabulary (which I know, because I am inside myself, is really just a disguise for the things I pretended not to think about).
This psalm uses the Hebrew word rēaʿ. The word is spelled with two consonants, Resh-Ayin. In this construct, it is actually Lamed-Resh-Ayin-Yod (“toward thoughts mine”). The interesting thing about this word is that Resh-Ayin exists in three roots (that is, the same two consonants seem to have three separate groups of meanings). Root I means “pasture, tend, graze.” Root II means “associate with, be a friend of.” Root III means “purpose, aim, longing, striving.” The umbrella is wide indeed. Only context tells us which of these three groups is most likely. That really means that the reader doesn’t know how the word is used without already knowing the topic and objective of the psalm. It’s almost as if we need to read the psalm before we can actually read it (like start from the end and read back to the beginning). Imagine how differently we would understand David’s remark if it meant “friend” or “pasture” (a place of safety) rather than “purpose.” Even if the context suggests root III, we see that “thought” doesn’t quite fit either. David isn’t writing about the random stream of consciousness gushing forth inside our minds. He is writing about purpose, desire, longing and striving. He is writing about the things that matter to us, the things we bring to mind over and over because they represent self-identity. It might be theologically true that God listens in on all the internal chatter, but most of it is just that—chatter. What David focuses on are those ideas, purposes and desires that make us who we are. And God knows them all! Everything we mull over in our attempts to make something of ourselves, whether for the good or bad, God knows.
God’s knowing is a two-edged sword. There are days when I am so glad God knows. His knowing is comfort and security. I don’t have to explain myself to Him. I feel wrapped in His presence because He shares my inner life. But then there are days when God’s knowing scares me to death. All those desires, purposes, plans and longings that I struggle to control, ignore or indulge are also known. There are no secret hiding places, no dark closets, no moral escapes from Him. And there are days when I wish I could just pull up the covers and hide. Zornberg notes, “Where trust has failed, knowing becomes essential.”[1]
That God knows is a blessing and a curse. Does He trust us? Do we trust Him? Or are both parties reduced to finding out the truth about each other?
Topical Index: know, yada’, rēaʿ, thought, purpose, desire, Psalm 139:2
[1]Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg, The Murmuring Deep: Reflections on the Biblical Unconscious, p. 93.
Tom Chatfield, a young Brit author and philosopher, writes “our thoughts do not really belong to us — not in the individual, analytical sense that most of us assume. They belong to our circumstances, our habits, our history, and our opportunities; to the systems granting or denying us options…”
We can now provide a sample of our DNA in order to determine our ancestry and origin, but perhaps we should analyze the DNA of our thoughts to determine their origin and evolution. In doing so will we be able to recognize the sweet, soothing voice of our mother singing a lullaby to us in the cradle of our thoughts? Will we hear the harsh stern tone of our fathers disapproval or the melody of his encouraging praise? Can we deciper the dull drone of our times tables by our earliest maths teacher or be able to recall the smell and touch of our first stuffed teddy in our varnished crib? Would we recall with veiled clarity the sweetness of our first kiss, our first step, our first friend, our first child, of our first everything? Would we discover that these are the very warp and woof of our current thoughts and understand that they don’t seek expression, but validation and continuity? I may not have had the best childhood, but my thoughts six decades later reflect more than just my memories of my history, habits, hopes, doctrines, dreams and desires, but that of the muffled voices, victories and vices of untold generations now silent in the grave and far removed from time. And though I am unaware, I am mysteriously shaped by them and therefore beholden. I am because others were. I am, therefore I think.
An excellent point, and more evidence that Gabor Mate is correct when he says that blame is a meaningless concept when we consider the inheritance of our past.
I really like that insight by Gabor Mate. It helps in our thinking that we really messed it all up. Recognizing that we are one in the line of many. Blame causes us to get stuck, frozen in time, fixated, until we release it and can move on, which requires forgiveness and letting go! I can’t hang on to something and let go of it at the same time.
Our thoughts (thinking, mindset) have a huge impact on what we do, in fact it’s out of our thoughts/mindset that we become manifest. Who we are is a manifestation of everything we thought or think. That’s why having our minds renewed is so important !
This is a rich psalm to explore. I appreciate the context and meanings you share, Skip. So often, I apply the words to my own life, and miss the richness of scripture.
“blame is a meaningless concept” is also implied in the book, “Brain Maker,” by David Perlmutter. I am impressed whenever something that seems disconnected to one realm of life, is shown to greatly affect it in reality. The inner garden of our microbiome is where the building blocks of thoughts and feelings begin. In many more ways than one, as a species, we must get back to the garden.
Ok, Gayle, that point about the garden(s) is just a little too cool. Its the double entendre that has made my week!
Maybe that’s what the “from far” is all about. Associations connected to me from outside of me.
Share our views…For me it means more to say share my feelings. That’s what really takes the hit.
DNA confirms what Yeshua told us in Luke 12:7 “Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
I was musing today about doing all the good stuff: repentance, gracefulness in connecting with reality, good deeds, praise and worship thoughts, gratitude. etc. And I was thinking about freedom: the freedom to do all the above. I think that sin – the death bind sin puts us in, that is – makes it impossible to do any good stuff without further sinning, OR INCURRING THE FURTHER SIN OF OTHERS. That may sound harsh or even unfair, but bear with me. Consider a street child in a gang, or a person in an abusive marriage, even. How many times did he or she try to ‘do good’ and have it turned against them? How many times did they get punished for telling the truth? How do you express gratitude for yet another beating?
I think sin – ours or others – keeps us from those Hallmark movie moments where telling the truth is a relief, not a death sentence; where there is actually some goodness in life to be grateful for; where you actually have enough to give instead of having to beg for the necessities of life one more time. Minds and spirits (bodies, too) built in toxic places reflect the experience gained. C.S. Lewis writes about this in Mere Christianity where he muses about the person who has such a background perhaps being seen by heaven as being more righteous for refraining from a vicious or faithless act than another person’s lifelong charity. Experience builds ‘us’: we don’t build ourselves (like Michael, Gayle, and Larry, too, have observed.). And then we are stuck. Really stuck in a place where it is hard to impossible to be truly righteous. You cannot give love you have not received, but you cannot receive love you lack the trust to allow. There is no working our way out of these holes. It takes sheer faith to disbelieve all the toxic experience and choose to trust the truth to be on our side in a court of law. It takes faith to step out of the oblivion of the bushes we hide in to avoid the curses unleashed in our lives. It takes faith to believe that God loves us when we have no way to love ourselves.
Freedom from sin. These days I know I cannot feel good by doing good, nor can I achieve freedom by acting free. Cleaning the house to ‘make myself feel better’ is an exercise in backing up. Lewis observes that it is likely we need Yeshua’s repentance FOR us because “only a good person can repent” and it takes a perfect(ly free) person to “repent perfectly”. And repentance is the first step of righteousness! I need trust from beyond me, and power to implement that trust from beyond me, too. I need to be unfrozen in this game of freeze tag before I can run that good race. These days, if I don’t already feel the freedom, I know I need to stop, step into the freedom repentance for a misplaced self AND forgiveness of the sin in others offers me – and then repower, with heavenly power, too – BEFORE I clean the house. Then, and only then, do I find that I have something to be grateful about.
God’s love in me: it seems to require the freedom FROM me (and the sin in others, too) to even be me – and that is just the beginning of mysteries no one could ever imagine. Halleluah!
Laurita, I say it again. You are a gem and your words kindle a spark of hope in me. Thank you for sharing with this community, but what of the lives of all those whose identities have been brutality marginalized by pain, sorrow, loss, confusion and fear who do not read Todays Word? Please, please publish your insights to a larger audience. There are millions who are drowning and need a life line thrown to them and you have been gifted with a strong arm, a keen eye, a compassionate heart along with the ability to succour with your written words. No doubt it is because you have been there and been rescued and bear the scars of scuffle, scruff and scoff. In my many years I have not found another author who has your talent to bring the gospel of hope to the hapless psyches of the hurt. Our time here is short, but for some the sands of time are sharp and suffocating.
Laurita, you can easily brush aside my solo please, but I implore you to listen to the collective solitary pleas of the hapless and hopeless.
All right, y’all: then you are going to have to pray. I will do what I see in front of me to do. If I am to write, the way is going to have to be in front of me. I believe in faith, but I know that striving is fruitless and vain. I will join my faith and prayers with yours, and then we can see what happens! Thanks for the vote of confidence. I literally cannot see it unless somebody else does for me. The feedback is directional for me. All praise to Him from whom it all comes.
Laurita, you said: “If I am to write, the way is going to have to be in front of me”, but like the person in the row boat you need to look behind you. You have already written enough material to fill a daily devotional with your comments here the past four years. I wish I were an editor so I could help, but I aren’t ( see what I mean?). A friend of Skips once called him an “Oswald Chambers on steroids”. I would describe your writing as a combination of C S Lewis, Lettie Cowman (Streams in the Desert), and Ellen G. White (sorry I’m not as pithy). Remember that the important task of ministering to broken hearted cannot wait to be done by perfect people.
Laurita, While I is a terible editor, I do have a suggestion for your new book title.
3D Disciples…
A Daily Devotional for the DISCOURAGED ,
DESPERATE and
DEPRESSED.
The hard work is now done, the rest is up to you!
Indeed, Laurita, Michael, et al. … captives weeping and dreaming of freedom. May the pain and trauma of our experiences be the seed of fruitfulness! (Ps126)…taking every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Cor 10:5)
Laurita, I totally agree with Michael.
Met too, me too! Laurita, your writing touches my soul and causes me to crave for more….. if God put it on your heart, then go for it ! He doesn’t make a way until you start walking …. knock and the door will be opened unto you !