The Second Chapter
A few days ago I wrote something about the present state of my personal journey. I tried to capture in words the emotions of my experience with God and about God. I wasn’t sure about sharing this since you, as readers, cover a very wide range of spiritual experiences and I didn’t want my current state to unduly influence your growth and development. But vulnerability is the willingness to be wounded, so I decided to go forward.
The reaction was interesting, unnerving and a bit frightening.
Some of you identified and wrote encouraging replies.
Some of you questioned whether or not I was really “saved.”
Some of you engaged in the intellectual exercise but avoided the emotional trauma (like me).
Some of you spoke about your own struggles and confusion.
Some of you experienced more breakdown when you realized that I’m not the man with the answers.
Most of you said nothing (that’s okay too).
I’m providing this second bit of feedback because I suspect that we’re all in here somewhere (or wish we were). I wish I had the answers, that my life was getting simpler, that the spiritual battles were fewer and farther between. That just doesn’t seem to be the case now. Yes, and sometimes I even wonder what I am doing in this mess and maybe I’m completely unqualified and (worse) reprobate.
But I think the only thing I can do at the moment is keep going. That sounds like faith to me.
Skip
I appreciate your help in renewing my spirit to the Hebraic mindset when meditating in scripture, a ministry so needed today. Your journey of highs & lows speaks to me that our Lord definitely has his hand on you. I am waiting for Lance Wallnau’s CD & workbook to map out & do the work of “Unlocking my HiStory” (with the “HI” crossed out). It is recording all my highs & lows of my spiritual journey and seeing the patterns/blessings especially during my lows and to see that He is always with us & for us and so who can be against us? I felt led to do this work and so trusting the Lord wants to take me to new depths in Him. Thank you, Skip…yes, be present and keep on going.
Thanks for sharing Skip. Deuteronomy 32:1-2 comes to mind. And that is walking by faith, but with a huge difference to the Status Quo. But this reading and pease to the end will tell very much. https://www.worldslastchance.com/end-time-prophecy/the-latter-rain-is-falling-are-you-receiving-it.html. Much shalom because you are very precious Skip.
How ironic. I will be lecturing on Deuteronomy 32 in Virginia Beach next week.
I have no answers for you or anyone except that I have nowhere else to go but in the narrow straights God has put me in. Walking into this new year was as frightening as walking through the Sea of Reeds. All I can do is encourage myself and others with what He’s done in the past because of course the future is behind me and I can’t see it. Without encouragers I might stop walking. You enrich my life with your studies. I am so glad to be on this journey with you brother.
That sounds like faith to me also Skip.
But this underlying uneasiness that you are sharing is also haunting me. Even to the point of dreams of dispare of the futility of my life and waking up with great sobbing.
But the deed of hope that has been down in our hearts is a great thing. Carry on…
Amen
Keep going keep trusting
With you and He is too
Today I say I don’t understand anything. Today I don’t care. Today I don’t know why I must pay for someone else’s poor choice. I thought I was breaking free from the tsunami of my past, but today the current is pulling me under. I’d like to say that I understand, but I don’t. All I can do is hang onto God. I’d like to be optimistic and say I trust God as I row into the past with my future behind me. I know this is true, but today is a Psalm 88 day for me. I don’t have the answers. And Psalm 88 tells me that God is okay with me feeling this way.
‘ Y’varekh’kha Adonai v’yishmerekha.
[May Adonai bless you and keep you.]
Ya’er Adonai panav eleikha vichunekka.
[May Adonai make his face shine on you and show you his favor.]
Yissa Adonai panav eleikha v’yasem l’kha shalom.
[May Adonai lift up his face toward you and give you peace.]’
Shalom & much love, Skip!
I am behind in my reading, just got to this today. Skip, you have helped me so much in my journey so thankyou for that. I still deal with the confusion of not knowing the answers to all my questions and in some ways the fact that you don’t either is both comforting and scary. Comforting because I don’t feel alone but scary because you have such a vast understanding of so much more than I and such a keen intellect,with the ability to store and remember so much of the knowledge you have, But don’t stop because you are such a great teacher and communicator and without your writings I would have no direction at all.
Skip, I recently found your web site and am grateful to find you and all our brothers and sisters that have like-faith. I find your honesty and vulnerability refreshing. What an act of love that you and our family show here. This is the fellowship I long for. I can relate to the feelings and thoughts you have about this journey that we are all on. It is hard and sometimes excruciating and I want to give up, but to what? I have decided that I would rather have the love of G-D. I read some of your writings and I believe that G-D has given you a wonderful gift. You will be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your authentic self. It helps me to be real.