Up Close and Personal
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.1 John 4:18 NASB
No fear– “Christian love is so lacking its emotional polarity that the Devil had to be invented to focus natural human hatred and hostility.”[1] Is Paglia correct? Did we have to invent the Devil in order to explain our natural combative hostility? Aren’t we really the source of our own evil?
It doesn’t take much research to discover that “Satan” isn’t really a person in the Tanakh. Ha-satan is a divine office, a role played by an angel whose job it is to act as the prosecutor. Oh, and the Hebrew word is sometimes ascribed to humans as well. Our concept of Satan (Lucifer, the Devil) owes more to Dante than Scripture. But, as Paglia notes, in some sense the Devil is necessary. Why? Because we need someone else to blame.
So allow me, if you will, to write about my present journey without blaming anyone else. Here’s the “up close and personal” me:
After a half-century of philosophical and theological investigations, I feel even more alone than I did when I was a naive child in a safe Christian church. The underpinnings of my religious world have slowly been demolished as I study the culture, text and time of the biblical authors. Today the Bible is less sacred. That doesn’t mean it is less powerful for me. It means that I see the long story of generational and cultural trauma written in the lives of these men and women as they seek God, and as He seeks them. And typically, it isn’t a pretty, sanitized picture. It’s a mess—just like me. I find some comfort in this fact, but it doesn’t bring relief. If anything, it drives me toward isolating behaviors where I feel some emotional protection, even as I know it is only a facade. I long for His touch—and I am scared to death to feel it. I am pretty sure that who I am will need to be completely undone in the process, and I am afraid that I can’t survive it.
I no longer believe in theology. It seems to me that theology diverts us from the real story of God, His creation and trauma. Theology is the human attempt to categorize, analyze and sterilize the living God by confining Him to doctrine, proof texts and philosophical constructs. He resists this, breaking out in all sorts of ways that leave our religious strait-jackets empty. But if I give up theology, so comforting in its promise to give me certainty, I am left with the shifting sands of emotional relationship—and that is so scary to me that I feel completely out of my depth. I simply do not know what to do to make things better, and because I don’t know what to do, I do nothing, and the result of doing nothing is that I feel worse. I related to David, a man after God’s own heart with a sword dipped in blood. My life with God is combat. He wins in the end, I know, but I’m scared to surrender because I don’t know (for certain—there it is again) that He will hold on to me. I see characters in the biblical account, characters that I identify with, who were left orphans, emotionally, despite promises, because God had other plans. I’m afraid to be alone, and, at the same time, it is the only place I feel safe. Perhaps I am an emotional schizophrenic. What’s clear to me is that I don’t really understand myself. Romans 7 comes to mind. In fact, a lot of verses come to mind, and none are really very comforting. Confrontation and combat seem to be written into the very nature of divine-human relationship.
But there’s no point in stopping, is there? I often think these days that I should just stop. Just set it all aside and enjoy pasta and a good glass of wine. But my soul won’t let me. Even if I try to escape into a world of serene fantasy, God hunts me down. He finds the cracks in the wall and squeezes through. And there we are, the two of us, facing each other once more.
This much I know for certain. I’m tired.
“No fear” is the Greek expression phobos ouk. You’ll probably recognize phobos. It’s the root of English “phobia.” Fear of ________________. Fill in the blank. But don’t forget the one fear no one wants to admit. Fear of God. Isaac knew this phobia to the depths of his being. Maybe you do too, and like me, you’ve spent a lot of time running away. Not just from the combat with Him, but also with the combat with myself—and all those ghosts that haunt me. Perhaps it’s comforting to read ouk with phobos. Ouk is the strongest of the Greek negatives. It means absolutely not, no way-no how, never. I’m looking forward to that day, even if I have to wait until the end.
Topical Index: phobos ouk, no fear, 1 John 4:18
[1]Camille Paglia, Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickenson, p. 38.
Skip, thank you for opening the vein. It is no good to pretend things are hunky dory when they are not. By the way, I suspect that we are ALL desperately alone (along with you!); not just some of us. Coping strategies that avoid the admission of the problem range from altered states the world offers to the lying panaceas the even more deceitful church can offer. We hide behind facades of either ‘having it all together’ or ‘it doesn’t matter’ or even an ‘illness mentality’ – false identities all – but, because we desperately need justification TO OURSELVES (or others) in the places where we are too scared to seek it before God, I think we invent false doctrine (it is strangely interesting to me that the world seems to be just as full of this stuff as the church is) to make our stuckness seem ok – ‘just’ for a little while – so we can live ‘just’ a little longer because we need life as desperately as we need to be justified – deserving – to live it.
But I think we are just as afraid of life as we are of God – and perhaps even more afraid of love than we are of death, for we keep choosing death over life just to avoid it! That’s what sin is, after all – that choice of death over life. In fact, I suspect that the driving force behind sin is fear of love. (Is this because fear knows that love is its death knell?)
I think we are helpless in ‘our’ fear to the extent that we think fear is who we are (made in the image of that fear), for we were made to protect our selves, but sin can take advantage of that to make us protect it’s self ‘living’ in us in the places the living God should be. God cannot give us life without Himself, for He IS that life, but I think we keep choosing fear instead of Him because we believe the lies fear keeps telling us (yes, the Church of Fear has doctrine, too!).
Isn’t it time we called fear out of hiding and named it for the lying sin that it is and inform it that we no longer want to “serve sin”? What if we repented for the overwhelmingly strong force of fear instead of continuing to believe (fear) it? (Yes, “fear of fear” is listed as a phobia in the DMV!) Fear is a miserable god.
I get you
So does He
Amen
So very very right Laurita. Lately I spend my days echoing Ezekiel, “ you know Lord” when asked about the dry bones. I take comfort in the first two verses of Psalm 91. And yes Skip I relate to your journey so I guess I will just stay there right along you and Laurita and all the others. Comforting to know we are not the only ones. Keep writing both of you- I read.
Quoting Derek Lehman today:
“
It is not God’s nature to let us fail and leave it at that. God is “in search of” man, as Rabbi Heschel puts it in the title of his best known book. His nature is to reach down and pull us up, over and over again, until we become what we are made to be”
Skip,
As good a definition of theology as I’ve ever read. A simple enough description that even a cynical guy like me could embrace. I know some of where you’re coming from. I’m trying to find the truth but it seems those who want it altered or obscured have a 4000 year headstart. I pin my hopes on Yeshua’s words to seek first the Kingdom of God and the everything else will be fine. I’m not necessarily optimistic about all this,but I sure ain’t afraid, and I am thankful I found this place.
Skip, My words spoken over and over lately echo what you just said, “I am tired”. You may be tired in your journey in a different way than I am tired in mine.But I can still understand. I want to just relax, embrace my life, be at peace and have a sense that my Creator is pleased with my work and what I have done with His life through me. The struggle is so real! I want to quit, quit striving, quit pushing and when I do I feel it is blasphemy to His gift of life in me. Will I hear “well done my good and faithful servant or depart from me?”. For all of the striving I also hear Him saying embrace the journey because the ultimate goal is death so don’t hasten toward so diligently. I am in a constant battle of finding my place in this world and search for the euphoric place of peace where God is pleased with my life. I never fee that anyone understands me and I look “crazy” to others. I have begged Him for that place of knowing His will much more for my own peace than for a desire to serve Him. I battle in that place between living my life fully as I think He would want me to and striving after my own desires and trying to figure out what the difference is. Thanks for being real and letting me be a mess with you on this journey.
Cheryl, I hear your striving …. striving ….. that is what I have been doing also! I have been trying and pray for the ability to stop striving and to trust …..
This is what I think I see in the difference between the tree of LIFE and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil ….. the good and evil is working it out in my head, going by my instincts , where the tree of LIFE is simple obedience and TRUST that Yehovah will be faithful to His promise to bless us in our obedience.
Having prayed that prayer to be able to TRUST I find my life now full of much turmoil when I literally have to take a few steps back and learn to TRUST, the journey is hard but I am so so grateful that Yehovah has heard my prayer and now has me in the gym, working on those spiritual muscles
At root theology is merely one’s understanding of God. Even agnostics embrace a theology, no matter how tenuously. I came across a quote, which I may use in a book review of said book, “theology is a high-risk activity.” And though I’m wresting the following from its context a bit, I like pop/rocker Julian Cope’s lyric, “How am I going to get to heaven, when I’m just balanced so precariously?”
Heck, even some atheists bristle at the term atheism, for “theism” (belief in God) is right in the term.
I have books claiming that Christ (Christos) is (merely) a divine office. And the word used for anointed (christos) is many times used for humans in the LXX (taken from the Tanakh).
Just because Christ is fulfilling a function (office) does not ‘make’ Him less than real: indeed I think the function of that office is the very basis of His reality. (Oops: sorry; I forgot we are in the West, where you have to have a form first.) Likewise, ha-satan may be performing a function now: a function that changed his very identity from his original created function, according to how some of us read our Bibles, but he is no less real because of it: indeed, without a function, he would not exist. We are the same way. Our function as sinners gives us an identity (“children of wrath”: “ye are of your father (source), the devil”), but we are called to adoption: a new (which is our original) identity as children of God, as per the new (which is the original) covenant.
I should have made my point a bit better. Those books claiming “Christ” is (merely) an office are occult/new age books. In essence, this is an antichrist doctrine, as it separates “Christ”/Messiah from Jesus, and we know Yeshua is the one Messiah.
I got it. As if an office ran itself. Those same books have some very interesting things to say about the ‘office’ of ha-satan, too. It’s funny: the lower initiates of false Christianity and in false religions such as New Age as well as secret societies the world over deny the reality of Christ and Satan, but the ones at the top of these orders (high initiates) don’t. They know very well who they are.
I added a parenthetical “(merely)” into my February 22, 2019 8:32 am comment to possibly alleviate further initial confusion.
You are quite right in your observations between the lower level initiates and the higher levels. But those who actually read the texts (such as Alice Bailey’s) get to see the theology in its larger context. Most, however, want to be mere followers. Sad.
Since I opened the discussion regarding the difference in the usage of christos in the Tanakh and the NT, see my response to Seeker below @ February 22, 2019 1:48 pm for more specifics.
Skip, help me to understand.
You say you identify with many biblical characters
who were “left orphans”. You relate to their combative
natures with themselves and God. And you wonder about
the confusion Paul notes in Romans 7.
But look what happened to Paul! And to untold others who
faced that fear that’s deep within us all and finally gave up the
ghost and gave themselves over to “new footing”.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will
give you rest.” Matt 11:28
Are you telling us, you have yet to DO this?
Thank you Skip, for being real, vulnerable, open with us. We all have a variation of these feelings and thoughts you are expressing. Fear it seems, comes out of our core issues. Do we look deeper so that we deal with the cause of our fears and anxieties? How do you spell relief?! It certainly would see him that it is something that God would use as a means to get at us. He seems to leave fear as an issue for us to grapple with. Like you said the other day. He tells us what to do with it. “Let not your hearts be trouble, neither let them be afraid“. Somewhere within us we have a fear of rejection. Wanting to hear “well done, good and faithful servant “….not, depart from me! But if we look at it like that, we are trying to save ourselves, when the bottom line is there is none righteous, no not one. That without him we can do nothing. He alone is our righteousness. If we screw up everything and are left with nothing, We still have him. He is our salvation. Our performance needs are huge, they keep us trapped and fearing a poor performance! Are all of our works going to go up in smoke in the end? Once again, he is our foundation and the bottom line. My hope is built on nothing less, then Jesus blood and righteousness, I do not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus name. On Christ, the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand.
I find great and repeated comfort in the words of old hymns, Probably because they were based in the reality of someone else’s experience. Not always accurate, of course, but still containing a certain amount of truth within them. None of us, have the “full gospel“.
In looking back, I get humored by churches that are called “full gospel”. How arrogant!
Maybe more like , “ A Little Bit of Truth Tabernacle”. Admitting that we don’t have all the answers but we are on a quest to find Him. “ That I may know Him”.
Good for you, in saying that you have not arrived! You’re right where God wants you!
I can relate and feel much that way for the past several years. My one encouragement is your words of seeking deeper meaning from the deep meanings in the original words. Thank you for showing me and others like me that there is a deep relationship with God that comes with unabandoned love.
Yep. Nothing more profound to say. You put my thoughts into words so that I can now understand those very thoughts more clearly. Paul reminds us we must work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Is this not the journey that few take?
Skip, I have been on this same trajectory for several years. Reading your posts has helped my understanding tremendously , but the greatest thing I gained was and is the comfort of knowing that I am not alone. Knowing someone else out there is thinking the same way and wrestling, and second guessing, and pretending, and cowering. You have helped me cope with that trauma and I thank you.
Skip, you have helped me so very — humanly.
I can relate to you ! I am hoping I am in a divine deconstruction as I experience this transition. I just cry out to God for His Navigation and loving arms to hold me & get me through, because I no longer recognize who I was,who I am or where I have been ,and I certainly don’t see anything clear ahead .
In this world that loves to control everything, what you’re talking about today is a nightmare! I hear you. I see that what God does in un-psychological! How does God heal your places of fear? He brings you into situations that press that fear. At least that’s what I’ve experienced. Modern psychologist would not use the methods God uses to free you from trauma. You can’t figure out how He’s going to do it, but He loves us too much to not do what is necessary to free us for His purposes. What’s amazing is, as we let Him work on an area, and we go through it, He frees us completely in that area and at the “bone and marrow” level. I know that “bone” in Hebrew means “essence” so I guess that’s how deep the Lord has to go to change our identity from ours to Yeshua’s!
Found this on Jewish World Review today.
People are capable of attaining greatness, but they are not as capable of sustaining greatness. They can achieve “highs” of all kinds, but they cannot maintain those “highs”. There is an inevitable “comedown”.
This concept is so very well expressed in the following verse:
Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?” Psalms 24:3
Homiletically, this has been interpreted to mean that even after the first question is answered, and we learn “who may ascend the mountain”, the question still remains: “Who can continue to stand there?” It is relatively easy to ascend to a high level; much more difficult is remaining at that high-level and preserving it.
In all my searches I found better explanations and understanding through your work Skip. So you may feel alone but your openness, frankness and truth is making a differences. Keep up, stay strong and truthful only to yourself at your pace and you will find comfort that being orphaned is great for then God can adopt. When we hook onto doctrines and theology we tend to leave God out of the picture. Which or who is then the real orphan?
Craig, I am not new age but I believe we are misreading the New Testament as well.
Yeshua the son of Josef and Mary did not claim kingship he promoted a way of living specifically explaining that Salvation is in Anointment. Anointment is the sovereign law of God the only one that sets us free. Are we worshipping Yeshua or are we seeking Salvation…
The difference is be an example or promote a historical milestone in God’s redemption plan. Remember Yeshua was sent for the lost sheep. He lost more support than what he gained. But what he promoted or introduced as the forerunner of our faith is still revealing miracles today. Did the Teacher not warn us that it is of no benefit if we have 100 of children/followers but cannot bring ourselves to be saved?
This is why so many found Paul’s letters difficult to understand. Yes he as others referenced and praised the Messiah but then he explained: All is up to what we do through the life we get, by doing the will of the one who sent us… God. Is that not the same message being shared. Sometimes with a long detour. But often also straight to the point.
God anoints those he calls. Those anointed have a specific task they often do not understand or appreciate. It is not there for those reasons we do these things because someone else needs the example… And that is the work we are called to do. I do not see Torah as works but rather as a means to achieve a Godly anointments result. As is love. Not a gaining act but a giving act to strengthen and help others.
Joy, peace and righteousness is manifested through the anointment…
Seeker,
For the record, Jesus did claim Kingship. See John 18:33-37.
More important here is the difference between the use of the adjective christos [translated from mashiach] in the LXX [from the Tanakh] and the use of Christos in the NT (in conjunction with the Aramaic Messias twice in John: 1:41 & 4:25). In the LXX [Tanakh] the word is used of men. It is used 51 times. Comparatively, in the NT the term is solely used for one man: Yeshua the Nazarene, Jesus of Nazareth (except a few times when Jesus Himself uses the term to refer to those who will claim to be “the Christ”). It is used a whopping 529 times. While it would be inappropriate to say that “Christ” is Jesus’ last name, the term does take on the character of a proper name in a number of contexts. Importantly, in the NT, Christos is recognized as a noun rather than an adjective, due to its sole designation as the Person of Jesus.
The noun form chrisma (“anointing”) is thrice used in the NT, and each time it refers to the anointing from “the Holy” (Holy Spirit), all in John’s first epistle (once in 2:20, twice in 2:27). The verbal form chrio (“to anoint”) is found five times in the NT, two of which refer to Jesus’ Baptism (Luke 4:18; Acts 10:38), another most likely to His Baptism (Acts 4:27), and once at or after His Resurrection or Ascension (Heb 1:9; cf. Ps 45:6-7, Isa 61:3, Php 2:9). In the remaining instance, chrio is used to refer to God’s Spirit anointing believers (2 Cor 1:21-22). So, three times in 1 John the author speaks on believers having received the Holy Spirit’s anointing, and exactly one time Paul refers to God anointing believers with the Spirit. The latter (2 Cor 1:21-22) is worth quoting here (YLT):
There are few other words for anoint/ed/ing in the NT, but their usage is always in a physical sense (four different words used a total of twelve times), whereas the others are reserved for the sacred and symbolic.
Craig thank you for the in depth response.
I do not read John 18 as a claim on kingship. I read it as a response to a statement made and the correction that he acknowledges a mystical kingdom rather than a natural one. A general comment as could be found today when we talk about the mother of a household being the queen of the castle. Word play. But yes your point is taken the indication is that Jesus confirms a different kingdom not of this world which he rules over. This is also implied in the OT prophetic reason but not promoted in the 3 years of Jesus Nazarene vow covenant. (Which is also implied as being what was done in those last 3 years.)
I love the explanations you have provided of the anointing. It is worth taking cognisance of.
I may be confusing myself by considering the prophetic reasons of how God personally calls, anoints or baptises. Jer. 24:5-7, 31:31-34. Eze. 36:24-33. Hosea 2:15-19. All referring to baptisms, covenants or anointing orchestrated solely by God. These are found to be reiterated in Heb.8:10-13. And all seem to be synonyms used in different groups being addressed.
Please disregard this “Disagree.” I hit it by mistake trying to hit the “Read more” button. My apologies. Couldn’t figure out how to delete it!
Thank you Michael. They say we cancel it out by immediately pressing the agree… If this helps.
I have found it difficult that God is not really like a good grandfather. He doesn’t exist to bless me. I know that Yeshua is not in a manger or on a cross. “The prayer” won’t master sin in my life. God is terrifying to me. America is hemorrhaging. I try to follow a way of life designed for community largely alone. I have spent decades seriously studying the Scriptures and honestly seeking God. I know that what you write and teach here are more consistent with what I have read and been taught by the Spirit and not with what I have been taught by religious people. The prophets knew such loneliness. I think all who take in the Word so deeply are filled with sorrow. Sorrow is exhausting. I know in my own life I am lacking the fruit of joy. Paul asked for prayer so often from those he fed. I will pray more often and more targeted now for you. I will know that I’m not alone in my doubts, fears, and disillusion. I will know more fully that happily ever after in this life is not compatible with pick up your instrument of torture daily and follow Me. I will know that your heart beat sounds a lot like mine. Your heart strings tug at mine. I see more clearly what Today’s Word costs you. Please know that it is changing me. I truly appreciate the dedication of those who comment. You make all that happen. Wine and pasta might be the perfect way to celebrate the victories your courage is achieving for the Kingdom.
There you go again Skip verbalizing the same struggles I ‘m having. It so good to not feel so alone, thinking something is wrong with me. I just wish I could write it and express it so clearly as you do and most of you that comment daily.
Skip… I say eat the pasta and drink the wine! Take comfort that you are not alone and it looks to me like we are all in that same boat! A big boat full of people who are alone… Seem contradictory doesn’t it? I’m just thankful for the ability to connect online. Imagine how the ancients felt!
Remember when Jesus sent the the gang ahead of him ‘in a boat’ and he came/passing by them, walking on the water. but they called to him and he turn to them. Peter was so intrigued he ask Jesus to let him walk on water to Jesus. Jesus “called” and Peter GOT OUT OF THE BOAT and as long as Peter kept his eyes upon Jesus he stayed on top of the water but the minute he took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink. To me Fear is as stupid as worry. all they do is hamstring us and becomes a wall of stone between you and eternal life.. Since I left religion behind and got a deep relationship with God/Christ Jesus there is NO FEAR. The church I go to states, “Committed to relationship with Jesus not a religion So PLEASE don’t stay in the boat.
To live God’s plan for you. you got to get OUT and WALK on the water (God’s peace). It’s taken 95 years but it’s been worth the trip, (learning). and it gets better each morning. Shalom
“Theology is the human attempt to categorize, analyze and sterilize the living God by confining Him to doctrine, proof texts and philosophical constructs.”
Oh, I am so tired of theology and “doctrine”!
Skip, like many here, I’m on the same kind of journey as you, with you. I have some friends who want to have a recently widowed colleague for dinner, along with my wife and me, so they can “share the gospel with him.”
I want to scream! Especially since the ‘gospel they want to share is of the get-out-of- hell free variety. Well meant, but nothing like the gospel preached by Yeshua…
So thank you for being so transparent. Being real with us encourages me enormously.
I battled with God for many years until I finally decided there was no God or at least not one who cared about me. What you have written and revealed about this verse over the last few days is poetic, haunting and quite beautiful. I think we all yearn to experience this complete love. But for now, fear does seem to win out, and we find ourselves fighting to stay above water. At least that is where I am today in this moment.
Maybe the fear and battle with God is because of our own misconception of God. Does this go without saying? The lies that have been passed down from generation to generation about God and about ourselves in relationship with Him and with each other. For a brief period of time, I was in the no fear zone feeling God’s love and seeing everyone through rose colored glasses. A wonderful place to be. But the old me is out front right now—fearful and distrustful. I think the combat zone is with ourselves, within ourselves and with others when we choose to go outside the will of God. Sometimes we do it to ourselves. Sometimes it happens as a result of another’s choice. I am in a battle with someone I care about because of their choice to override God’s will. And I have battled with God but only in the sense of asking why He couldn’t have prevented this painful situation. The battle is not with God but with the other person. God intended this relationship to be good. One that was supportive, edifying and building up not tearing down. One based on trust and respect. One based on friendship and commitment to wanting the best for the other. The relationship has suffered fallout. Can it recover? I don’t know. I find myself acting a bit like the Tasmanian Devil as I struggle to deal with the emotional pain I feel. But I know for sure God’s intention was for the relationship to be good. The battle comes when we choose our will and our timing. We suffer from broken love. The pain I feel in this situation can be extended out to the pain I feel knowing my mother lied to me for years to protect herself. She acted this way out of her own broken sense of love. Her need to self-protect at cost to her own child. That was indeed the most bitter pill I have ever had to swallow. And I know I am guilty of the same-causing harm and pain to others. So the battle with God is a battle of the wills. Why do we resist?
Sorry, I meant for this comment to go here.
You’re killing me Skip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgl-VRdXr7I
But enough of this already!
Preparation days are always the hardest because a double portion must be made ready for Shabbat.
I must encourage myself (and maybe you as well?) with the Truth.
It appears I’m not the only one in this place of dying to myself in my walk today.
I got off the bus called theology to sail the ship of discovery about 26 years ago. (Of course I stepped in and out of the bus for several years to make sure that there truly was nothing left in it that I needed to take on the boat with me.)
Like everything else it’s a journey. Unlike everything else ships don’t travel on the roads of certainty they sail the seas of adventure.
Adventure (I’ve discovered) isn’t nearly as much fun as the children’s storybooks like to make it out to be. Adventure is grueling most of the time. Sailing is not for the faint of heart and you can’t just stop the ship and get out anytime you’re sick and or tired of it.
Discovery could only take me so far before the soundings became too shallow for her and she had to set anchor off of a shore that I still can’t see. However there is a rock that has appeared in the distance to navigate towards that I can set my sights on.
So I find myself being placed into a LIFEboat to ride the currents and row through the next leg of the journey. My ores are called faith and hope. I remind myself that nothing has befallen me that isn’t common to all men and women. I’m not being picked on I’ve been chosen by my God. So now it’s simply a matter of what will I choose? I can stop rowing and let the sharks of anger, fear, despair, self pity, etc………… topple my boat, or I can beat them off with my ores and keep rowing. For me the choice is clear. I have babes in the boat with me who belong to the King of Heaven who aren’t able to row for themselves yet. I’ve come so far that there’s no place else to go. There’s only one safe harbor on the map that he gave us. My bridegroom King has gone ahead to prepare a place for me there.
So far I’ve reached each place on this journey just as he said I would. Every seven days he’s provided a mini oasis island for us to rest a bit and to regain our strength because he knows how hard it is and how much he needed it when he came this way. His promises and instruction have proven to be Faithful and true. They are the focal point in the past which is in front of me.
He isn’t looking for ANYTHING in me but the faithfulness to keep rowing. All that’s unsightly is covered by the garments he provided for me at the beginning of the bus ride. The rock behind me in the future is the highest pinnacle of the Kingdom of YHVH and the city of Shalom. That is where I’ll find a permanent home, a family, all the people that I’ve loved along the way, and an everlasting place to rest.
Ma-tovu/How lovely are your tents oh Jacob, your dwelling places oh Israel. As for me, in Your great chesed I will come into Your house. I will bow down toward Your holy temple in awe of You. YHVH I love the habitation of Your House, the Tabernacle of Your Glory. As for me, I will bow in worship before YHVH my maker. As for me, may my prayer come to You YHVH, at a time of favor. My Elohim, Because of Your great chesed, answer me with Your faithful Yesheach.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IL2pPS15Jo&start_radio=1&list=RD5IL2pPS15Jo&t=0
Lyrics
“I lift up my soul to the Lord
And I shall trust in His name
Remember Your mercies and Your grace
For you are good and upright
My eyes are ever toward the Lord
Turn to me and have mercy on me”
Shabbat Shalom Ya’ll
Thank you for both songs. It unleashed a torrent of tears to feel and be real..tears for Skip and others and myself…tears to comfort and to cleanse…tears to connect in the agony of disconnectedness…Shalom
Thank you sharing this beautiful prayer.
Ma-tovu/How lovely are your tents oh Jacob, your dwelling places oh Israel. As for me, in Your great chesed I will come into Your house. I will bow down toward Your holy temple in awe of You. YHVH I love the habitation of Your House, the Tabernacle of Your Glory. As for me, I will bow in worship before YHVH my maker. As for me, may my prayer come to You YHVH, at a time of favor. My Elohim, Because of Your great chesed, answer me with Your faithful Yesheach.
My only post-theology ‘loneliness’ remedy is to Thank YHVH for the loneliness. Strangely, it works most days.
Yes Steve this is how I cope with the ‘aloneness’ and ‘loneliness’ ….giving thanks to Abba.
“A problem well stated is a problem half-solved.” Skip, you are able to state your problem well, so it must mean you are half way to a solution! Just because you aren’t sure of your present location in the darkness, perhaps it’s enough to know you are 1/2 way home. That may be more or less than others, but we were never promised to get to our destination at the same time, by the same route or by the same vehicle. I just appreciate the fact that you are considerate enough to leave a bread crumb trail of non perishable manna in your meanderings through the wilderness for those of us who are bringing up the rear or who are in arrears. Just remember as Tolkien wrote that, “not all those who wander are lost,” nor are those who wonder.
Absolutely love the Tolkien quote! So simple and yet so perfect!
After a half-century of philosophical and theological investigations, I feel even more alone than…
GOD must have been alone, why else would HE have felt the need for this creation? And, how else would a person feel, while cruising across the ocean in a well-built ship, decide to get into a row boat & paddle to unknown destinations?
I am pretty sure that who I am will need to be completely undone in the process, and I am afraid that I can’t survive it. What’s clear to me is that I don’t really understand myself.
If you don’t understand yourself then who are you? It sounds more like the process needs to be just the opposite; accepting who you are so that you can be put together, as your GOD sees you.
But if I give up theology, …, and the result of doing nothing is that I feel worse.
Unless you are a complete narcissistic manic, with a god complex, and you think & care about existence & truth, then honestly, we will always be engaged in theology – the study of the nature of GOD. So, why would we want to give up that study, if what we seek is understanding. The problem might be, we study other people’s study of GOD. Should we be so lost in a feeling of ignorance that we cannot find GOD in our own spirit & life? Do I really need a culture thousands of years & miles separate from me to tell me who my GOD is & the relationship “rules”? Religion showed us the door & the manual, that’s all we really need unless we seek more than is fundamentally necessary. Like a child, right? Not like a professor. Not like a scientist. Not like a Rabbi or Preacher. The old & fake comfort is still seeing the ship you left.
My life with God is combat. Confrontation and combat seem to be written into the very nature of divine-human relationship.
Combat…to take action to reduce or prevent (something bad or undesirable). To have faith in something other than biology is combat. We were not made to be mindless, programmed machines. We were made for relationship & stewardship. Both require effort/action to prevent things going/getting bad or undesirable — apparently we aren’t combating enough.
I often think these days that I should just stop. Just set it all aside and enjoy pasta and a good glass of wine. But my soul won’t let me. Even if I try to escape into a world of serene fantasy, God hunts me down.
Take a sabbatical, and only write to GOD. It might be a little like all those people following Forest Gump, but we’ll manage & might even prosper. My feeling is, when you’re enjoying wine & pasta, you’re enjoying time in relationship with others & not dwelling on your work. PRAISE GOD! There is no escape. You got off the ship long ago & let it sail over the horizon, but there is land ahead. But, you’re also intelligent enough to know that uncharted lands are not usually resorts. All the stories I’ve read either have monsters, starvation, or cannibals. Stay in the row boat & keep paddling, or bring good news to a lost people, slay dragons, or build a new life?
I’m tired. I’m looking forward to that day, even if I have to wait until the end.
All of us who are alone, wishing to be undone, giving up “certainty”, combating evil, and longing for more time to just be what we were created to be, are very tired, & the end will be like a loving hug.
SHALOM!!!
Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
I’ve noticed in this series of TW’s and comments, that the emphasis has been on the long range goal of becoming complete and not fearing. Maybe we tend to miss the tree for the forest. Perfected love, or completed love doesn’t have to be all about my ongoing walk and the resulting consequences of my successes and/or failures, and maybe, what we miss is the moment of completing the love in the experience at hand. Eating pasta and drinking wine is good (and complete) if we give thanks to God for the enjoyment of life that He has afforded us, and if we don’t buy into the fear of “there’s upteen things I should be doing that would be MORE pleasing to God”. We miss completion and God isn’t made manifest in that time to us and others. If God is love, He’s made known in the act of loving. My encouragement, for all of us, is to complete the love at hand. Comfort the hurting, encourage the downtrodden, drink the wine, perfect the love at that time. I remember walking home from elementary school with my head down, counting the cracks in the sidewalk, noticing the little things (found lots of pencils) almost in a trance, and suddenly, I would wake up and I was home. “take no thought for the morrow”……….step, step, step…….
Thank you Robert …
I think our strivings are our “dyings that rejuvenate the soul
“I simply do not know what to do to make things better, and because I don’t know what to do, I do nothing, and the result of doing nothing is that I feel worse.” I don’t know how to go about making changes either. We show our love for God by how we love other people. The practical application of this is challenging. Walking this out especially with family members is daunting. I am struggling with how to address communication styles in our family. And on top of that, I am attempting to deal with the chronic pain in my neck and upper back. I have had some success, but I am not sure my pain is a result of my spine being out of alignment. I have pressure points on my back that are sore/tender on touch. Healthy sleep is nonexistent for me. Maybe I have fibromyalgia. Now I am waking up with headaches in the back of my head.
Marsha, it may not all be in your head! Stress can cause illness, but illness can also exacerbate stress. Please do not suffer without trying to figure out what is going on in the other areas. We all need proper support and a plan, too. You are doing right to say something and not think you just have to get through this somehow by yourself. Thank you for trusting this community. I hope others hear what I hear and pray earnestly for you and the answers and support you are needing. Please continue to honor us by letting us journey with you.
Marsha, As commented by other bloggers…
For the back pain try the camel hair cloth
For the muscle tension and pain try wearing cotton clothes
For better blood circulation for the other discomforts try only sleeping between linen
And yes drink more water and less beverages containing sweeteners.
Those seem to be God’s natural remedies when we do not follow His natural diet…
As for tension God’s remedy is usually found in helping and becoming part of the handicapped community for in those actions you will experience true love and appreciation. I never considered this possibility until I somehow became part of a group that is involved in aiding these individuals. Their openness and joyous facial expressions make our personal discomfort and concerns minor things. God then somehow orchestrates cure as being part and parcel of a caring lifestyle. Why? Because we reveal His will how insignificant it may seem to you.
Then you will also experience that life’s most rewarding compensation is in the realm of Christ in activities of helping yourself by first truly helping others.
Yes, impatience and our own high expectations are very often also the cause of unnecessary tension.
Do not lower your goals just lower your returns on investment expectations for was it not Yeshua that taught the kingdom is likened unto a man that plants a seed. First it germinates then the sprout then the stem, then the blossom and eventually the fruit. Day in and day out we look and see things happening, how they do we know not. We just see changes small and insignificant but they are there. When the time is right and the fruit is needed the blossom will appear. Remember that fruit grows into the blossom by killing the blossom and not by transforming it.
Did Yeshua not also teach that the kingdom is likened unto a man that plants his crop. And during the night his enemy came and sowed weed into the land…
The biggest mistake I realized I was making was to labour towards helping those who are not ready. The effort and accusations just tire us out, burn away our valuable energy. Yeshua hinted that least a man does not seek a miracle with a true and pure heart/faith it cannot manifest. As a prophet has no recognition in his own town. It is not what we want that is important it is what we humbly do…
Remember, You are not a rag to be used to clean up others mess. Be a Mary and tarry by His feat rather than slaving to achieve as Martha did…
The time to help the addicted is when they ask what must they do to be saved. Before then we labour as the 5 foolish and burn out our oil before the bridegroom arrives. Be part of the 5 wise and keep replenishing your oil…
Download the script Letting Go by Francis Fenegon, written in the 1600.
Remember that Our concerns may never create more children when we cannot save ourselves… Ecc 6:3-5
May God bless you and keep you for the joy He has prepared for you. May you be blessed with wisdom and understanding to seek first in your life His teachings by letting Him manifest His kingdom as He desires… Micah 6:8
Thank you Seeker .. i found this of great practical help.
Seeker, Am I rightly remembering Fenegon as Madame Guyon’s “pen pal” (I am blank as to the proper term for it!). Thank you for this.
Leslee you could be right. I only read some of his translated works and that he was some brethren in the church of the time. I am a bad historian but appreciate sound advice when I get it…
I have found the same thing in many other organizations I have served over the years; Rotary – Service above Self; Lutherwood – Caring People. Strengthening Lives; Big Brothers Big Sisters, etc.
Every one of us has a “handicap” of sorts. Thanks Seeker
Thanks everyone. Kind words and food for meditation. Seeker, I copied your suggestions.
None of us know even a smidge or dash of the answers. Lean into the Wind. We don’t need to know all of the answers.
As a terminally ill guy I realize more and more clearly with each tick of the clock I was quite arrogant to think I could know even ‘a lot’ of the answers. God is huge, complex and confusing. I’m small and limited.
Lean into the Wind.
Bless you Shawn ….
Thank you very much.
Yes, bless you!
Thank you very much!
Thank you for this reminder Shawn, I’ll be praying with you and for you. YHWH bless you and keep you….
Thank you very much for your prayers.
Keep leaning Shawn. Keep leaning.
This is one of the most encouraging honest, open insightful helpful and truth seeking blogg threads I’ve been privileged to read over the years I’ve been on Skips site! What a wonderful bunch of transparent brothers and sisters …..all sharing their walk.
Thanks Skip for your open ended journey ….. and all who share here from all over the planet…. indeed we are not alone. May YVHV bless you and make his face shine upon each of you…
Christine
Would you be willing to meet with Jesus yourself?
I suggest you make an appointment with Him to make Himself known to you, the place, the day, the time, give yourself some time to prepare for your meeting,
and talk to him daily until the date arrives and then, be there because he will be waiting for you. he will not disappoint you.
You will not regret it.
nothing else matters
Skip, gosh, this kinda broke by heart for you. The first thing I thought of was Plato’s explanation in his Allegory of the Cave. When enlightened, the philosopher has a greater responsibility to share what he has learned, but he also carries a greater burden. He has entered a more complex thinking/understanding zone where knowledge has a heavier weight than most men/women can carry.
I’ve been where you are to a certain degree, then it seems God allows me somehow to hold a bunch of unanswered questions and complex paradoxes in one hand and a childlike understanding of where I’d be without God in my other hand–and I end up grateful that God won’t let go of me. I feel His cling, regardless of how wavy I am.
When seeking God on a deeper level, I often have felt like I am caught up in one of those undercurrents in the ocean, unable to breath and feeling like I am almost drowning. Then suddenly, I pop my head up and realize I am much farther down the beach than I began, and the view is different. Pleasant. And I am grateful I lived through the undertow to see the world differently. Sometimes it’s just a shift in perspective, like Shawn Greener has.
Thankful for you, even though it seems to have a high cost to you. You have helped me and so many others look more deeply into God’s word and find a faith that might not look conventional but is bound to God in a deeper way.
Thank you for this. I am waiting to see further down the beach.