What Was I Looking For?
“Thus says the LORD, “The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness.’” Jeremiah 31:2 NASB
Found– The Hebrew verb māṣāʾ is used for finding just about anything. The Israelites found grace, but that wasn’t what they were looking for. They were looking for a way of escape. They were fleeing from their pain. Just like Hagar in Genesis 16, they only knew what they were leaving behind. They did not know where they were going. But when they confronted the place of desolation, they found what they needed.
Didn’t the Rolling Stones give us a clue? “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.” The Rolling Stones are about as far from serving God as you could imagine, but God’s truth about the universe shows up in odd places. God is not in the business of giving you what you want. He gives you what you need—to accomplish what His purposes require. If you go into the wilderness, be prepared to put aside what you want. Start looking for God to give you what you need in order to serve Him. Grace marries need, not want.
It’s important to realize that this verse does not tell us that the people who survived the sword had the intention of searching for grace. What the verse says is that they found grace because God provided it. Grace came upon them. It was God’s gift, not their reward for diligently seeking. Hagar’s story paints the right picture. Hagar is in the wilderness because she just can’t endure the life that she has. Hagar runs from her old life and ends up in the place of death. As far as she is concerned, there is no point in going on. That’s when God meets her. She finds unmerited favor, not because she was looking for it but because she was completely at the end of herself. And do you know what happens to Hagar after grace arrives? Does her life become gloriously improved? Are her circumstances altered for the best? Is she rescued from abuse and pain? No. Grace sends her right back to Sarah. But with a completely different attitude and a completely different hope. Grace tells Hagar, “You are serving the Lord in your circumstances for purposes that are going to bring about changes far beyond your lifetime. So, go back, and trust Me.”
What have you found in your wilderness? Have you discovered hope? Have you uncovered purpose? Are you ready to return to the life of the sword because God says, “Go back and serve Me”?
Topical Index: wilderness, serve, grace, found, māṣāʾ, Genesis 16, Jeremiah 31:2
Before the wilderness I was my own worst enemy: the traitor in the camp who kept opening the door for the Trojan horses. I was the biggest part of my problem because what I believed about love and life was killing me. All my choices were centered around defense strategies: I was always one step behind what life threw at me. I just hoped God would be able to keep up with my disasters, because I sure couldn’t seem to. (It was all about me, as you can see.)
I didn’t know the above statements about myself until the wilderness, however. Even though it was all about me, I couldn’t see me. I couldn’t see my part of the problem because it was all occluded behind the fiction not only between my ears but also behind the ears of everyone around me who were desperately living out their fictions, too. I needed to know the truth about love! I needed grace, too, for sure, but I was still trying to dictate the terms I believed it ‘should’ be because I was running away from what it really was as hard as I could run.
In the wilderness I found there was no one to mirror me: I seemed invisible to others and very alone. I learned that people shun pariahs: they tend to look right through those they perceive are in their ditches. I learned that the last thing anybody wanted was to jump into my problems. But, curiously enough, in that alone place, I also began to run out of excuses and reasons to try to defend myself and pity myself: there was no one to care, anyway, so why should I? Self pity died somewhere out there in the place nobody cared and I quit caring, too. As none of the self stuff (self pity, self hatred, self denial, self accusation, self absorption, self centeredness, self exaltation and ambition in general, etc.) seemed to be working either, I began to shuck them off the load, too, and I found that I had less chips to carry around on my shoulder. As these spiritual tormentors began to fall off, the noise in my head began to die down, and as the spiritual frequency from my own self chatter quietened, I began to be able to hear from others as well as from the Holy Spirit. All that self stuff had been clogging all the channels! Who knew?
Exhaustion may be able to take all your energy away, but that can include the energy to be wrong, too. I lost all the fight that I THOUGHT was righteousness, only to find in retrospect that my Father had removed the sword that I had, unwittingly, pointed at myself. Apparently, when you are suffering from all the above unloving stuff (all that self stuff), you are actually unable to see where you really are, and, because you cannot see the ‘enemy’ you are fighting, you can hurt yourself without knowing it. In the alone place, I finally got lonely enough to see me, and I found to my utter surprise that I was the one I was most desperately trying to avoid. It was a revelation. AND, I lived to tell the tale! In the end, it was all a whole lot of ado about nothing. So much for self righteousness. Well, that set of beliefs didn’t work so well.
Time to start over. I found out that that is what grace is, after all: it’s the reset button. Back to the beginning again. Not only that, I found that I can even self-serve grace by repenting. Wow! I found that I liked starting over so much that I punch that button all the time now. What I believed I had to run from (starting over) was what I really needed most, after all. Grace. It’s the really fun stuff, y’all. Thank you, Jesus.
Wow, another great gem Skip. I have been working with men in recovery for the last 18 months, I was saved by Jehovah Shalom in 1986 from addiction. I have a niece who is not at the “end of herself”. That is where we have to be to get “lined up” as my mentee says. This was such a great word this morning. Before we can truly deeply receive grace we have to be exhausted of our own resources. Bless you Skip. I also love the truth you write about as well that God doesn’t just instantly put us in a fairytale life. The change comes in our perspective and purpose. I heard it said that God extracts us from the mud, cleans us up then puts us right back in the mud.
Have you ever thought of being led into the wilderness so Yahweh can love us? He shows love by setting us aside to speak to us He brings us to himself where we meets us at our end then His beginnings for our lives are revealed. Oh, how He loves us so!
There is a caveat; will I listen and obey!
Jonah did, but not until the worm cane and killed the plant removing all his shade that brought little comfort.
Ok, Mr. Sunshine ( that’s what I lovingly and laughingly call you many days ), this sandy wilderness is hot and I’m being consumed in the fire of the burning bush. This altar is hard to get to but I stumbled into it and now I find that I’m bound to it as the only safe place that there is. He breathes me into Himself as a living sacrifice into Himself as a sweet smell and exhales His satisfaction with the complete provision of everything that I need for His purposes and plans for me. I struggle and wiggle around but have found that the only way to rise above the flame is to be consumed. All my wood, hay, stubble, iron, metals of the earth intertwined with the real me is being melted away and I appear to be being made into a different new image like unto Him. I’m hearing Him say to speak out of the fire and come up higher, rise above and let My Love consume you like My Love for you consumed Me.
So appreciate your work, thank you so much.
When were you rescued from “the dominion of
darkness’? For some of us, it might have happened
in a moment. But for most of us, it occurs and occurs
until we finally get our eyes and hearts re-purposed.
Grace is always on the scene. It is patient. And steadfast.
It enables the powerless to come under the power of He
who has everything under His control.
Then, when you fully acknowledge you can do nothing by
yourself, it happens . . . and you join forces for His purposes
and His purposes only.
His grace is amazing — and worthy of a song!
Grace is such a big word. Used to mean many things, so often incorrectly, almost as a pacifier or indulgence. God doesn’t indulge us. We can easily view grace as permission or approval.
I like to think of grace as wherewithal or ability. That’s why I enjoy Romans 5:17 where he says we can reign in life by the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness . Like you said, so often we think of grace as a reward for what we have done. Instead of getting what we deserve he gives grace. It’s not to put a check of approval on where we are at but it’s actually meant to move us ahead. Maybe grace is the kindness of God that is referred to in the statement about leading us to repentance. Just when we think we have run out we have been given more because it’s not about performance! Like the old song says “when we have exhausted our store of endurance when our strength has failed before the day is half done, when we reach the end of our hoarded resources our father’s full giving is only begun!”. Grace is God‘s strength. Not sappy or maudlin! The muscle of God! Totally undeserved. Fiber, fortitude or rebar . Maybe we mistake mercy for grace? Anyhow, you got me thinking!