DEA
And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:39 NASB
Not as I will – DEA. No, not the Drug Enforcement Agency. For this community, DEA is Delayed Emotional Awareness. Let me give you my personal example. I was at the airport with Rosanne. She was leaving for the USA after months of Italian lockdown. There were many additional forms, online submissions, complications with seating, etc. After all, the world was in COVID panic. I was focused on getting everything done so she could fly. As I walked her to security, we embraced briefly, I told her to have a safe flight and that I loved her, and we parted. Ten minutes later I realized that I really wanted to just hold her tight, give her kisses and tell her how much I would miss her; how empty I feel without her. At the moment of parting, my emotional state was on hold, pushed out of reach while I concentrated on all the functional tasks. Afterward I felt the loss—but it was too late to tell her in person. I was on a train back to Parma and she was flying off to London. DEA—something I have suffered with since childhood.
I don’t know why this happens to me. I would like to be able to “process” the emotion as it occurs—we call it “living in the moment.” Everyone seems to think this is the optimal way to experience life, but most people I know often find they are victims of DEA. Maybe my goal is actually misdirected. Instead of “processing” the emotion, maybe what I really need is to simply feel it. Perhaps one of the reasons we find the life of Yeshua or of David so appealing is that men like these two seem to be closer to “momentary” living than we are. I suspect the prophets also fall into this category (on occasion). But when we reflect on the lives of the prophets (or of David, for that matter), we also discover how dangerous “living in the moment” can be. There is a kind of emotional overload that comes with this moment-to-moment life, a sense of being overwhelmed by our own traumatic triggers or by God’s divine injection. Either way, life quakes on the edge of chaos. We push back the emotions because, as the Greeks discovered, emotions often seem like a loss of self-control. The Greeks considered all emotions dangerous because they came upon us. We were the passive victims of feelings. Perhaps that gives us a clue into their purpose and power. Yes, emotional tsunamis sweep us away, but they also open us to real vulnerability, and real vulnerability moves us toward authenticity—life in full measure. If we can learn to ride the storm, we just might end up on a very tranquil shore.
Can we learn anything important from the fact that this verse uses (e)thélō instead of boúlomai? Both words are used in Scripture for “will, purpose,” and “prefer,” but there is a difference:
In distinguishing boúlomai and (e)thélō, a. some find more rational as distinct from more impulsive desire, but b. others refer ethélō to resolution of spirit and boúlomai to inclination of soul. “To prefer,” suggesting volition, seems to be the original sense, then “to wish,” “to purpose,” or, more weakly, “to think.” [1]
In secular Greek and the LXX, the word thélō has such varied meanings as “to purpose,” “to be ready,” “to resolve,” “to desire,” “to wish,” “to prefer,” and negatively “to refuse.” It may be used for the divine will or the royal will. It is common in the OT in the negative.[2]
Yeshua seems to have embraced thélō with vigor. That doesn’t mean it was always pleasurable. Clearly, it wasn’t. But he wasn’t afraid of the outcome even if he didn’t know it at the moment. Why? Because he trusted the invisible hand of the Father rather than the speculating quiver of human anticipation. Do you wonder what life would be like if we could embrace these “victimizing” emotions without becoming a victim, if we could feel them and learn to welcome the fact that they mean we are alive!?
Don’t you think that this pattern of emotional waves and nurturing acceptance is essential to being human? Can you imagine a Messiah who did not have these experiences? I can’t. The more I read stories about him, the more I am convinced that somehow he came through these very human experiences with deeper trust in the Father. Even in the Garden we see how intensely he struggled—and how victoriously he emerged. Maybe that’s the model we really need to incorporate: Roll as the waves crash. Feel the thunder. Step into the darkness. And find that there is a desperate peace there, hidden from the distractions of doing, doing, doing. Discovered only when we just don’t know what to do—and admit it.
Topical Index: emotion, thélō, purpose, will, prefer, Matthew 26:39
[1] Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (pp. 108–109). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.
[2] Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (p. 318). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.
