Opening the Wound

Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:11  NASB

Build up – “Generally, relationships build by a process of reciprocal self-revelations.  One individual takes the leap and reveals some intimate material; thereby placing himself or herself at risk; the other closes the gap by reciprocating in kind; together, they deepen the relationship via a spiral of self-revelation.  If the person at risk is left hanging without the other reciprocating, then the friendship often flounders.”[1]

Self-revelations.  What a devastating word!  I’m happy to tell you about me, as long as I don’t have reveal the things that might be used against me, as long as I don’t have to tell you about my real fears, my real failures, my real sins.  Like all the rest of my life, I stick to the “acceptable” list, the errors and mistakes that insulate me from personal damage.  Of course, that means our “friendship” resides in the peripheral.  It’s too risky to get closer.

But Paul prods his readers to open their wounds.  The first verb in the sentence is one we know.  It sets the stage.  Parakaléō, “to encourage”—rather, to come alongside.  “Beseech, exhort, encourage, comfort”—the entire range is in play here.  While there are more than a dozen Hebrew equivalents in the LXX, the most common is nāḥam, a word that expressly involves God’s comfort.  Think of Paul’s expression like this:  “Give divine encouragement to one another.”  In other words, treat the other person with the heart of God!

Paul follows with oikodoméō (build up).  Paul’s use of the term is important:

Edification for him has a charismatic and spiritual bearing. In 1 Th. 5:11 we note a relation of individuals to the whole, a mutual interrelationship of individuals, and the charismatic nature of the process. Edification goes hand in hand with exhortation (or encouragement), and also with consolation (1 Cor. 14:3).^[2]

What’s certainly not involved is criticism, rejection, and derision.  Psychological and spiritual wounds are particularly disintegrating.  Another’s words or actions can turn the wound into a life-long necrosis.  If we think that words of support are enough, we’re sorely mistaken.  A moment’s self-reflection suffices to confirm this.  If you had to open that most grievous wound, the one you’ve been carrying for a long time, the one you’re afraid to even admit to yourself . . . if you had to reveal it to someone else, how would you want him or her to respond?  I can tell you that I don’t want to hear a solution to my problem.  I don’t need fixing advice.  I also don’t want averted eyes, turning-away body language, gasps suppressing dismay or disgust.  I want . . . I need . . . acceptance.  Just listening.  Nothing more . . . yet.  More than anything else, I need to feel safe.  And if I don’t, well, then oikodoméō will have to be left to the therapist.

Topical Index:  oikodoméō, build up, wound, 1 Thessalonians 5:11

[1] Irvin D. Yalom, Staring at the Sun: Being at peace with your own mortality, p. 131.

^[2] Kittel, G., Friedrich, G., & Bromiley, G. W. (1985). Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, Abridged in One Volume (p. 677). Grand Rapids, MI: W.B. Eerdmans.