The Edge of Belief

Stricter judgment – “Sometimes I feel like a guide escorting others through the rooms of their own house.  What a treat it is to watch them open doors to rooms never before entered, discover unopened wings of their house containing beautiful and creative pieces of identity.”[1]  Irvin Yalom’s comment stirred similar feelings in me.  The thrill of seeing someone else’s eyes light up when we dig into the text is what keeps me going.  A mind awake is an awesome thing to experience.  After years of investigation, it’s the impact on another that makes it worthwhile.

Unfortunately, “stricter judgment” lurks in the shadows.  I often feel as if I’ve lost the key to my own habitation.  Yalom cites Nietzsche: “Some cannot loosen their own chains and can nonetheless redeem their friends.”[2]  My chains remain.  The dark places refuse the light.  I wonder if the power to enlighten others really emanates from the places where I am most confused—most alone.  Perhaps James’ wasn’t writing about some “Great White Throne” verdict.  Perhaps he was commenting on the temporal agony that accompanies insight.  It seems as if the more you know, the more you suffer.  Blissful ignorance is an irrecoverable condition.  “Paradoxically, only one who suffers alienation can recognize it and create salvation from it for others.”[3]

Schopenhauer wrote: “At the end of his life, no man, if he be sincere and in possession of his faculties, would ever wish to go through it again.  Rather than this he will much prefer to choose complete nonexistence.”[4]  Unfortunately, both Jewish and Christian eschatology make this an impossible option.  We’ll have to live with remembering.  God might promise to wipe away the tears, but He doesn’t promise to make us forget the reasons we cried.

James uses two Greek terms, mégas and kríma.  Combined, they imply harsher treatment and a higher standard for those brave enough to attempt instruction of others.  Of particular concern is the second term, kríma.  The Hebrew equivalent is mišpāṭ, not simply judgment or law, but all of the actions necessary to establish the universal rule of God, ethical, religious, and practical.  It takes no reflection at all to recognize my unworthiness under this standard.  The sleeper has awakened—and discovered he’s standing at the edge of a bottomless, dark pit.  But it’s too late to change directions.  Didáskō disease is a form of malaria.  Once contracted it never goes away.  Oh, by the way, didáskō means “to teach.”  It’s addictive—and so are the consequences.

Was Schopenhauer right?  If I had the choice, would I do it all over again?  Maybe I’d say “Yes” if I knew it made a difference to you.

Topical Index: didáskō, to teach, mégas, kríma, stricter judgment, James 3:1

[1] Irvin Yalom, Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist’s Memoir, p. 274.

[2] Friedrich Nietzsche, citied in Irvin D. Yalom, Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist’s Memoir, p. 235.

[3] Erica Brown, Leadership in the Wilderness: Authority and Anarchy in the Book of Numbers (2013, Maggid), p. 74.

[4] Arthur Schopenhauer, citied in Irvin D. Yalom, Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist’s Memoir, p. 280.