Self-destruction
Search me, God, and know my heart; put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there is any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24 NASB
Any hurtful way – ‘im-derek-ʿāṣab. אִם־דֶּֽרֶךְ־עֹ֥צֶב One word all smashed together (typically Hebrew). So, let’s take it apart.
אִם (ʾim) if, not, whether, when, since[1] The basic meaning is “if,” but context provides a very wide range.
דֶּרֶך (derek) way, road. In the spiritual context, the “path,” the way of the righteous, the direction of obedience to God’s instructions.
עֹצֶב (ʿōṣeb) sorrow from ʿāṣab. This starts early for humanity in the chastisement given to Adam. “ . . . With hard laboryou shall eat from it all the days of your life” Genesis 3:17 NASB.
“The root ʿāṣab relates to physical pain as well as to emotional sorrow,”[2] and there’s plenty to go around.
What, then, with ‘im-derek-ʿāṣab? We recognize that it isn’t just about physical harm. In fact, the poet isn’t asking for insight into whatever might cause harm for others. He’s looking inwardly. “What is there in me that puts me on the road to emotional, psychological, and physical pain and sorrow?” Remembering that we’re investigating anxious thoughts, we are now aware that this isn’t a “test” of the “Do no harm” ethical rule. This is an assessment of how those unresolved, unconscious, repressed traumas derail me! I need divine assessment because I just can’t see what’s happening in those dark corners of my soul. More accurately, I won’t see! Wolynn describes the dilemma: “Yet when we block the feelings, we unknowingly stunt the necessary healing process that can lead us to a natural release.”[3] What the poet teaches us is that this is not a description of God’s moral accounting. He’s not interested here in recalling unconfessed sin. He’s interested—devoted—to our recovery, and for that to happen, we need His thorough analysis. This is a “do not do harm to myself” inquiry. “In many ways, healing from trauma is akin to creating a poem. Both require the right timing, the right words, and the right image.”[4]
“Ultimately, healing is an inside job.”[5] I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Topical Index: ‘im-derek-ʿāṣab, assessment, healing, Psalm 139:23-24
[1] Scott, J. B. (1999). 111 אִם. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 48). Chicago: Moody Press.
[2] Allen, R. B. (1999). 1666 עָצַב. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 687). Chicago: Moody Press.
[3] Mark Wolynn, It Didn’t Start with You, pp. 22-23.
[4] Ibid., p. 11.
[5] Ibid., p. 10.
