The Core

Search me, God, and know my heart; put me to the test and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there is any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24 NASB

Anxious thoughts – Do you have them? Anxious thoughts, I mean. You know, those deep, dark concerns that just don’t go away. The ones that would and could devastate you if they get to the surface of the pond. Mark Wolynn calls them “core fears.”

“The unspoken experiences that live in our unconscious are all around us. They appear in our quirky language. They express in our chronic symptoms and unexplainable behaviors. They surface in the repetitive struggles we face in our day-to-day lives. These unspoken experiences form the basis of our core language. When our unconscious breaks down our door to be heard, core language is what we hear.”[1]

In bold type, he notes: “The Core Sentence: What is your worst fear? What’s the worst thing that could ever happen to you?”[2]

Maybe David has something like this in mind when he chose the Hebrew word śarʿappîm. Once again the poet takes some liberties. What do we really know about this word? Note the following:

8174b. שְׂעִפִּים seippim (972a); from an unused word; disquieting or excited thoughts:—disquieting thoughts(2).^[3]

8595 שַׂרְעַפִּים (śǎr·ʿǎp·pîm): n.[masc .] pl .; ≡ St r 8312; TWO T 2273b—L N 30.1–30.38 troubled thoughts, anxious thoughts, i.e., the processing of information which causes distress and anxiety in one’s mind and heart (Ps 94:19; 139:23+)^[4]

Two occurrences; AV translates as “thought” twice. 1 disquieting thoughts, thoughts.^[5]

There are other sources as well. It’s noteworthy that the word doesn’t appear in the TDOT, perhaps because it only is used twice in the Bible, here in this verse and in Psalm 94:19. Whatever David actually had in mind isn’t very well explained.

But maybe we don’t really need a long psychological explanation. Maybe we as readers can fill in the gaps. I know I can. My “anxious thoughts” include the following:

I will be punished and publicly humiliated

I am guilty – I deserve it

God didn’t protect me

I’m helpless

There is no justice

Those seem to come from my mother’s history (some very bad things happened to her).

I also inherited some of my emotional trauma from my father. After both parents died when he was a teenager, he spent virtually his entire 20’s in a hospital bed with tuberculous. I ended up with:

I am powerless

I have no family connection

I have no loving grandparents

My life has a secret history

What claws at me is the inescapable punishment of loneliness. My anxious thoughts. Suppressed. Oh, David and I have no trouble understanding what it all means. The real problem is that if God finds out how inadequate I really am, He won’t want me either.

Topical Index: anxious thoughts, core fears, śarʿappîm, Psalm 139:23-24

[1] Mark Wolynn, It Didn’t Start with You, p. 56.

[2] Ibid., p. 182.

^[3] Thomas, R. L. (1998). New American Standard Hebrew-Aramaic and Greek dictionaries : updated edition. Anaheim: Foundation Publications, Inc.