The Haunting
For I am ready to fall, and my sorrow is continually before me. For I admit my guilt; I am full of anxiety because of my sin. Psalm 38:17-18 NASB
Anxiety – At last we come to the real problem. “I’m afraid.” The Hebrew word is dĕʾāgâ. “The root dāʾag signifies anxiety, with a shading toward the meaning of fear in some cases.”[1] Robert Alter’s translation, “dread” is probably more accurate here. The psalmist doesn’t feel simple anxiety, that is, worry about what might happen next. He knows what will happen next. Humiliation and exposure. Punishment and collapse. What he feels is dread, the anticipated fear of loss, his reputation destroyed and his already-shaky integrity shattered. What he feels is the coming end. Maybe that’s how you feel. Something’s wrong, and you just can’t shake it. But it’s not something wrong on the outside. It’s something wrong on the inside where only you can fix it. And the insanity is that you don’t!
We need to deal with the fact that this verb (“to be full of anxiety”) is an imperfect, that is, it continues to be unresolved. It’s unfortunate that the English doesn’t really have such a verb. In our language, anxiety is a noun, a state of being, capable of changing into a different state of being. But in Hebrew, dĕʾāgâ is a verb. “I anxietize, you anxietize, he anxietizes.” Doesn’t work in English, but it does in Hebrew. This is not a “state of being.” It is an action. It is something I do, not something I am. And because it is a Qal imperfect, it is something I do all the time. I anxietize over my sin continuously. This Hebrew grammar tells me something very important. My problem is that I don’t forget.
Yes, forgiveness happens. God removes the punishment I deserve. He is merciful. Perhaps He even forgets about my offense. But I don’t. Long after I have technically been forgiven, the past specter of my disobedience haunts me. The consequences, both personally and corporately, continue. I can’t undo the damage by simply saying I’m sorry. Something irrevocable happened when I acted against my yetzer ha’tov—and it continues to plague me to this day. I remember my being bent, and I feel as if I will never be true-hearted again.
THE INTERNATIONAL True Hearted
Now we have a more serious issue to deal with. Will we believe the condemnation of the yetzer ha’ra, cleverly reminding us that we are irreparably broken? A self-fulfilling prophecy. What we need is another mantra. I suggest this:
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
Topical Index: anxiety, dĕʾāgâ, yetzer ha’ra, fear, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 38:17-18
[1] Stigers, H. G. (1999). 393 דָּאַג. R. L. Harris, G. L. Archer Jr., & B. K. Waltke (Eds.), Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (electronic ed., p. 177). Chicago: Moody Press.
